Post # 1
I just needed to vent since I felt really bad that my Bachelorette party was a flop. Like most ladies, my friends and I were all so excited to have the first bachellorette party of all the friends. My maid of honor/best friend was wonderful and really did her best to make it great! She took my advice when I said “something fun and laid-back. I don’t want anyone having to spend a lot of money or feel put out!” So we had a big group of girls going (4 cousins) and then all of a sudden the week of, a distance relative passed away of my cousins’–so they were back-and-forth with going since they might have the funeral on the saturday. Totally understandable!!! So we cancelled the airbnb for friday night and just kept saturday night still. But the 4 coursins the night before confirmed they were still coming after the week of stress for them. Then my maid of honor’s fiance’s grandma passed away and the funeral was on that saturday–so she had to go to the funeral and arrive late with my bridesmaids who were carpooling together. So everyone got to the airbnb later saturday around 4–which was fine! My Maid/Matron of Honor planned a pizza party and to watch the movie Bridesmaids (since I requested that). But upon our arrival, the first girls who arrived earlier were currently eating pizza and watching movies–so the rest of us didn’t want to order pizza again for dinner. It was just unorganized I think due to them taking my advice on being “laid back.” So then we were going to hit up the clubs to dance! The girls and counsins kept pressuring me to keep drinking (mind I haven’t drank in a while). I kept protesting but drinks were kept being placed in my hand with a “chug! chug! chug!” So not wanting to look lame, I drank a little at a time. Long story short—- we got to the club and my cousin kept giving me weird drinks from the bar. Within 30 minutes of being at the dance club, I ran outside because my world was spinning and was violently ill. Everyone decided to go home with me after only 30 mins out—I was ill all night. We were going to do brunch in the morning but it was snowing a bit and by the time I got up, half the girls were already packed and out the door to drive home.
I feel bad since my Maid/Matron of Honor was pissed the other girls messed up the dinner plans. It just was not enjoyable—I should have put my foot down and said I didn’t want to drink their mystery drinks. So I feel horrible that they paid for it and I was miserably sick the majority and also kinda feel disappointed and jipped that I didn’t have an enjoyable or memorable bachelorette. I know that sounds vain—I guess the fun ‘girls bonding night’ is too glorified in movies and doesn’t always turn out that way. Maybe I can still have a night non-drinking girls night with some friends. Suggestions?
Post # 2
Suggestion? Forget about it and move on. And don’t give in to peer pressure at your wedding, lest you be puking on the dance floor!
I don’t think you should plan another party, as your friends/fam already spent time and money coming to this one, and will still have your wedding (and possibly bridal shower*). That’s too much to put onto people IMO.
Post # 3
Good perspective, agreed. Thanks!
Post # 4
Unless you are hosting and paying for everything, I wouldn’t have a do- over. Although the circumstances were terrible, your friends did the best they could to have a celebration in your honor.
You were the one who drank too much and ended up getting sick. Just think of it as a great story you will be able to tell in 20 years.
Post # 5
Next time know your limits and say no to booze beyond your limits?
You’ve had your bachelorette party. It sucks that it didn’t go the way you wanted, but it sounds like everybody tried hard to make it special despite the deaths. I personally wouldn’t try for a redo or expect them to spend more money or a night out. That said, you can always invite friends for a girls afternoon or girls night (nonsleepover). I think I’d just keep it small… best friend or two or your bridal party and just invite them for an afternoon tea, or dinner or movie.
If you can swing it, you could pay and say its to thank them for their hard work, if not go Dutch. But otherwise, I’d try not to make it a party for you as much as a girls night.
Post # 6
They should be apologizing to you, honestly. I’m a non-drinker and I hate when people pressure me to drink. Sometimes people just want to enjoy a diet Coke and NOT be violently ill, ya know? Your friends should have respected that. I’m sorry it was such a lousy experience for you. Maybe you could do something fun with just your maid of honor, without the cousins who kept badgering you to drink more? I wouldn’t invite them to another party, but your maid of honor sounds like a good friend; she might be up for a low-key “redo.”
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
suggestion: just reframe it, it might help you feel better and move on.
It was a “rehearsal” of sorts that showed you what you don’t want to do at your wedding.
Now you can practice what you wish you’d said and done, (when people try to push drinks on you after your wedding) and then the things that really matter will go much better moving forward.
sorry you’re left feeling bad. that sucks 🙁 but a year after your wedding, i bet you’ll remember the wedding much more than this party.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
good idea, I’d be taking my MoH out to thank her… or having pizza and watching a good movie <3
Post # 9
Agreeing with PPs. Since both you and your Maid/Matron of Honor are feeling unhappy with how things went, perhaps the two of you should plan a girls’ overnight as a do-over. Go to a spa, have some drinks, but end the night with pizza and a movie.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone! Agreed—think I will take my Maid of Honor out and treat her to a massage and dinner to say thank you and to also have a mini-girls night instead.
Post # 12
I like the idea of a fun girls day/night with your Maid/Matron of Honor a lot. Make some new, better and more chilled memories.
If it makes you feel any better, all of the hen parties I’ve been to have been overhyped, rather stressful and never that enjoyable. The stakes are too high! Pinterest and Instagram insists that there must be cute hampers, marching straws and a beautifully decorated Airbnb apartment. It’s just too much!
The worst one I’ve been to ended with the bride crying onto my shoulder after her bridesmaids/best friend’s had abandoned ship on the night out, and just gone home without her. It was truly awful. They didn’t speak for ages. So what I’m saying is it sucks when things don’t go to plan, but it could have been much worse. You won’t care that much about this soon I promise.
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana
I hated mine too. Dinner would’ve been plenty, I don’t like to party. I caved to peer pressure.
Post # 14
mini pamper session and dinner with your Maid/Matron of Honor, on you, sounds perfect! 🙂
Post # 15
This is one reason I didn’t want to have a bridal party/do all the expected parties that come with that. No binge drinking, silly games, penis decor, etc.
Some of my best friends I grew up with wanted to throw a pre-wedding party for me so I told them that what I would love would be a chill weekend at one of our friends’ family’s lake house. We did face masks, drank champagne, had delicious summer produce, gossiped, read novels, and canoed on the lake for a weekend a couple months before the wedding. With a different friend group in my current city, we went to a wine tasting event.
One of the nice things about being an adult, and planning a big event like a wedding where you get to make the decisions, is setting the rules and the tone for all associated events. And not giving a fuck about whether someone else thinks you look “lame.”
P.S. Please don’t use the word “jipped” – it’s a variation of “gypped”, from “gypsy” and is offensive to Roma people.