Post # 1
Member
28 posts
Newbee
Looking to vent a bit here but also for some advice and/or encouragement to bite the bullet and do the “right” thing… whatever that is.
So my sister and I are both engaged and will be married this year in separate ceremonies. Her wedding is a destination wedding but my dad is paying for it so my FI and I aren’t that financially invested in the actual event.
My sister’s best friend is planning her bachelorette party and very quickly, it morphed from an evening event to an entire weekend at a venue about a 2-hour drive away that costs about $150pp to stay at. The party will take up my entire weekend from the time I get off work on Friday until late on Sunday, cost probably $300 by the time you factor events in (they’re planning for dinner and drinks out, an outdoor thing like tubing, and a spa date).
I’m shocked at how much this quickly went up in cost and have tried to recommend that we drop an event or modify the weekend to make it less expensive, but my sister’s friends and I are just in different financial situations and my recommendations are falling on deaf ears. So far the only cost savings I’ve managed to arrange for is a car pool for 1 of the 2 hours of driving.
I want to be supportive of her getting married and all that goes with that but don’t want to fork over the equivalent of 3-weeks of grocery money when we have student debts to pay off and a wedding ourselves in 8 months. The winter events, sleeping on an air matress, and watching everyone drink their faces off when I don’t really drink just make me wonder if it would just be best to stay home.
My two other sisters are both on the fence as well but so far have commited to going; I have a couple of more days before deposits are due.
I tried to bring the topic up with my sister a couple of days ago but chickened out.
What would my fellow bees do?
Post # 3
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
I would decline and take her out seperately. Maybe just a spa trip for the two of you? You’ll spend less, get more one on one time, and then she shouldn’t be upset about you missing the big event.
Post # 4
Member
45548 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@sallycakes: I wouldn’t care to party with my sister’s friends anyhow, and I’m sure the feelings are mutual.
I would tell Sis I couldn’t make it and buy her and FI a nice bottle of champagne for their wedding night or honeymoon.
Post # 5
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
I know I’d be super hurt if my sister didn’t bother to come to my bachelorette party-I woulnt ever do that to her. If you do decide to drop, at least talk to your parents, or even her to let them know the financial commitment for the party is too much for you-dont wait until the last minute to let her know you wont be coming along
Post # 6
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
I’d say suck it up and go. This is your SISTER, cut out eating out or nails for a month if you have to to afford it. In 5 years will the $300 matter more or being there for your sister matter more?
Post # 7
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
I think you should ask your sister how important it is to her to have you there. My sister and I have a large age difference and she has two kids, so I doubt she’ll be at my b’ette even though I’m planning to have her as my MOH. But, if it’s important to your sister for you to be there, explain that you think the plans have gotten a little out of hand and see if she can talk to the person planning it. If she wants to do what’s out of your budget (and it truly is out of your budget, not just “oh, I’d rather get some new clothes”), offer to go out for dinner and drinks another time with her.
Post # 9
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
Suck it up, $300 dollars for a weekend trip is a good deal and I would not want to rock the boat over something so frivalous. If need be, choose one event, everyone needs food so dinner and drinks is kind of a must.
Post # 10
Member
28 posts
Newbee
@TGold: — Good advice. If it’s not that important to her that I be there, then all of this worrying is for nothing. Good idea! We aren’t that close so I will bring it up. It will also make it feel more worthwhile if I do end up going.
@Mixtapehearts: — As if I’m getting my nails done and complaining about money… Um yeah no superfluous spending here.
@Stephee: & @julies1949: — Also sound good advice. Thank you for sharing your ideas. I appreciate it.
Post # 11
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
@sallycakes: I dont know what kind of spending you are doing. I’m just saying that it’s your sister so if you can cut somewhere to afford to be there you probably should unless she’s told you she doesn’t mind if you don’t come. I mean are you venting and not wanting anyone to comment or are you looking for feedback? Sheesh.
Post # 12
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
@sallycakes:
I think money is something very sensitive and those with more money will always think that what they’re asking is “reasonable” compared to those without. I think you should make her understand that you CANNOT afford that but also provide a number you would be able to afford. Then perhaps you can work something out with her or your parents? (not sure) so that you’d be able to go.
I feel like if money is tight- then it shouldn’t matter if they think you’re being “mean” for not coming because MONEY IS IMPORTANT!!! You have to eat!!!
Post # 13
Member
2963 posts
Sugar bee
If it is beyond your budget and the others are unwilling to compromise, I would skip the party and go out with your sister separately.
Post # 14
Member
8652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
It is all too easy it is for some people to spend for people when it isn’t their own. I’m sorry, but $300 to someone on a budget like the OP’s is, in reality, a LOT of money all by itself, let alone on top of a wedding, a shower, her own wedding to plan, and just everyday expenses. It is totally, totally inconsiderate of those planning this event not to get a consensus, especially from the immediate family members.
Post # 15
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
I would tell your sister about your financial issues and let her know that you simply cannot participate in all of the events. Say that you can’t go tubing, can’t go to the spa, or can’t go out drinking. She can go out with her girlfriends and you can stay back at the hotel for a couple of hours. I think you could easily cut out the spa, and if you’re not much of a drinker, tell her that you absolutely hope she has a great night, but you will be staying back to get some work done and will join them at the other events. That way you’re still there and showing your support, but it costs way less.
Post # 16
Member
7453 posts
Busy Beekeeper
@TGold: for the win.
$300 isnt chump change to some people and its very presumtious to tell someone else how they should be cutting back in other areas to make what is essentially a party.
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