Post # 1
Hi all – I am Maid/Matron of Honor in my younger sister’s wedding and I live in a different (much more fun) city than she lives in. She is having a destination wedding on the opposite side of the country, which is relatively small (100 people) and will mostly consist of her fiance’s friends and family. There are 3 attendants on each side in the wedding.
I am in the process of planning her bachelorette party in my city and recently asked her for a guest list. She has never had many close female friends, and only gave me two names. Seeing as that four was a rather small number for a bachelorette party, I asked (with her permission) four of my best friends who live in my city, all of whom she has met many times and likes very much, to join in the festivities. They all eagerly agreed and my sister is ecstatic that she is going to have a big, fun, bachelorette party with both of our groups of friends. I have assured everyone that I will pay for my sister’s dinner and pick up the tab at a club so that no one else will have a serious financial burden from attending her party – I would easily say not more than around $50 for dinner and pre-club drinks.
Here’s my question: do I have to tell my sister to invite the four additional people to her wedding? I am relatively sure they do not want to spend hundreds of dollars flying to go to her wedding, and I am sure she does not want to spend money on 4 (eight, with guests) additional people since her wedding is so small. But there is always that obligation. She is young and probably doesn’t realize she should invite them. But wedding invitations are going out next week…what to do?
This topic was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by johanna166.
Post # 2
johanna166: No- you do not have to invite them to the wedding. I actually did this with my sisters bach party too- a few people could not attend and we had rented a huge bus/trolley so I brought 2 of my friends along.
I am sure your friends understand that they arent invited to the wedding but I would just make it clear incase there is any confusion.
Post # 3
Since you posted this in etiquette – etiquette wise, you should not have invited them. Only those invited to tthe wedding should be invited to the bach/bridal shower. You were in breach of that despite her being excited about having more people. I would have just had a great intimate time with the 4 people and go with that.
You don’t get to decide and tell her who she should invite or not because you mistakenly invited them to a bach party. No, you should not ask her to invite them and they should not expect it.
Sorry, but I think you were in the wrong here.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
johanna166: No, they do not have to be invited to the bachelorette. Perosnally, I would not have invited them to the bachelorette but don’t worry about it. I have seen a good chunk of people say it’s okay to invite people to the bachelor(ette) who are not invited to the wedding because there are no gifts required. If your sister wants to invite them she will 🙂
Post # 5
Thanks. I should clarify that this wasn’t a mistake. She wanted more people to come because she thought it would be weird with just four people.
Post # 6
I don’t think your friends need to be invited to the wedding. It’s pretty clear they’re coming to the party because the more the bette. Have fun at your party and don’t worry about wedding invites.
Post # 7
1. She gave you her guest list, which consisted of people who were on her wedding guest list.
2. YOU decided that YOUR friends needed to join y’all on her bachelorette party so that YOU would have more fun.
Now you want your sister to invite YOUR friends to her wedding because YOU invited them to her bachelorette? Um…No.
In my opinion, your the one with egg on your face for suggesting she invite YOUR friends to her bachelorette.
Post # 8
nadnuk: you wrote my exact thoughts
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
johanna166: I think that oin the given sitution there is no need for an invite, and they would likely be surprised to receive one. I think that if:
1. your sister lived in or near your city
2. your sister was getting married in the same city as the bach party
3. these girls are family
Then they would need an invite, but I think your friends get that this is a “the more, the merrier” situation and there is no expectation.
Post # 10
There is no etiquette that pertains specifically to bachelorette parties, however you are not supposed to invite people to pre-wedding events who aren’t also invited to the wedding. The exception may be a group from the office who decide as a group to throw a shower or something like that.
If you really want to invite your friends out for an evening along with your sister and her friends, you can just do that without having to label it anything.
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
Also, OP, no offense, but it seems more than a bit rude on your end to have decided that 4 people wasn’t enough for the bachelorette party to be “fun”. If I were your sister, I probably would’ve also said that it was fine for you to bring your friends – but only because I would’ve felt shamed that you thought my guest list was too insignificant, not because I really wanted them there. It sounds more like it’s going to be a night out for you and your friends rather than a proper celebration for your sister, especially since I doubt your friends are there for more than just the party aspect, regardless of whether or not they get along.
They definitely do not require an invitation to the wedding by any stretch of the imagination. If your sister didn’t see fit to invite them to the wedding, they shouldn’t have been invited to the bachelorette and you should’ve honored her original guest list and had fun without them.
EDIT: Re-reading your first post and then your second, it sounds like she didn’t have a problem with a small bachelorette party until after you pointed out that it was strange and asked to bring your friends.
Post # 12
In our area, the bachelor/bachelorettes are much more free-form than say, the bridal shower or rehearsal dinner. These are the two parties that are really FOR the bride and groom, rather than for the family or the old folks. So the friends get pretty wide leeway in planning them.
For my bachelorette, my friends invited a few girls that weren’t invited to the wedding, but they made sure these girls understood, look, this isn’t a wedding invitation, we’d just like it if you’d come hang out and grab a drink with us. We had a bunch of stuff planned; dinner at a mid-range restaurant, drinks at a dive bar, then a club, so there was an option for a relaxed few drinks at a place that didn’t require dressing up or paying to park, and a lot of people took us up on that, which was awesome (and almost ended up making us not go to the club!).
So OP, I think you’re fine, especially since you’re picking up most of the tab. As long as the girls you invited understand that they aren’t invited to the wedding, I think you’re in the clear. But I think it’s on you to make sure they understand that.
Post # 13
No dont mess with your sisters wedding guest list- they’ll understand especially if they’re coming just to liven it up and aren’t friends directly with your sis.
Usually everyone there would be invited but your friends are celebrating your sisters bachy essentially as a favor to you so I don’t think they will be at all offended if they don’t get an invite to her small destination wwedding.
Post # 14
Well…..I would say no she doesnt have to invite them. <br /><br />SHE didnt invite them to the bachelorette party, YOU did. So you saddled her with that social obligation to invite them.
Post # 15
I’m sure your friends would feel weird and guilty if they ended up being invited to an intimate wedding just because they were invited to the bachlorette. I know I would. She does not have to invite them.