Post # 1
I’m a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding this fall. We met in graduate school and have been friends for about 5 years. I really care for her but realize that we are very different. It’s always been noticeable but not a big deal.
I am going on her bachelorette party for the fourth of july weekend in Vegas. I’ve been really nervous about it for several reasons
1. She and her friends are more wild and drink. A Lot., I like to drink, but not to the point where I black out
2. She and her friends like to smoke pot. Actually they love it. I don’t use drugs
3. She and some of her friends have a hippie indie style, mine is more conservative. It took me til my mid 20s to find my style and I’m happy with it. I get that Vegas & summer might call for “hotter” clothes, but I just don’t feel like dressing like a ho’ or spending money on clothes I would never wear anywhere else… –On this note: Last night we were out for dinner, I came straight from work wearing black dress (fitted, just past the knee). At the end of dinner she pointed to my dress and said “Don’t bring thaaaat to Vegas. Wear this (pointed at herself). Granted, she was drunk and high. We have different styles! I am not planning on wearing work clothes to Vegas but I also am not planning on dressing like her or anyone else but myself. I don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb but I want to make my look work for me
4. The whole trip is getting pretty nuts with expenses. It started off as a weekend to hang out and get drinks, even if it was at the hotel. Now it’s bottle service both nights, cabanas at the pool, tickets for shows, a party bus/limo, mandatory matching outfits, etc etc etc. Ummm… I don;t have that kind of money. We are all pitching in and paying for her part too. I feel choosing a holiday weekend in a city we all had to fly to and then going all out is more than a little inconsiderate.
It looks like I will be spending a minimum of 1000 on her wedding and another 1000 on her bachelorette party… this sucks and I dont know how to stop being bitter so I can enjoy myself in Vegas…
Post # 3
I don’t think I would spend that much on a bachelorette party, especially if I felt like I would be left out. Is there any way you can back out?
Post # 4
Yikes. That is WAY too expensive!!! Can you bow out? I would not be willing to spend that much!
Post # 5
ugh! That sounds like a huge pain! The good thing about vegas is you will see people wearing EVERYTHING. You will not stick out at all! Dress in your normal stuff and if she doesn’t like it who cares? Good thing she doesn’t have to wear it. Chances are she will be too drunk/high to care about your clothing anyway. Have you told her you weren’t planning on spending so much? I agree that it is inconsiderate of her. I wonder how the other girls feel about the change of plans? Maybe you all could compromise on something to make it cheaper? Good luck! Maybe it’s not too late to cancel your plans???
Post # 6
Write her a message that says something like, “Darla, while I love you and I am so excited to be in your wedding, I cannot afford to do all the different things at the bachelorette party as well as spend what I want to for your shower and wedding. Would it be AWFUL if I bowed out of the bachelorette festivities?”
Post # 7
Do the party girls a favor and just don’t go. It sounds like you’ll just be a wet blanket to them, and you’ll be miserable. Have a family emergency that has come up if you need an out.
Post # 8
That doesn’t sound like it would be fun for you, or them if you’re not into it. I think you should find a way out. Maybe just be honest and say it’s too much $ for you?
This has happened to me in the past. I just said right from the get go that I wouldn’t be spending to go on a trip for a bachelorette. It wasn’t a big deal!
Post # 9
That is a HUGE amount of money, particularly because you’re already spending heaps on the wedding. Would she be offended if ‘something came up’ on that weekend? Do you have a job you could blame it on, or a relative you can pretend is sick?
Post # 10
I really feel for your situation.
What i don’t get though is how brides get off with making people pay these crazy amounts!
My bridesmaid asked me what i wanted to do for my hens. I said i would like to do something that involved lots of activities and was value for money. I don’t understand how planning an expensive trip away is a good idea? Anyway, my bridesmaid ended up planning a great night out in the city for us where the was a variety of activities for us to do. The activites portion ended at 8.30pm (so if you didn’t want to go out after you could leave at that point). Everyone paid $85 each and that included dinner. I had a good turn out of 16 people.
Also, i paid for my bridesmaids dress, shoes, accessories and hair/make up. If i wasn’t prepared to pay i would have stressed not spending more that $60-$70 on a dress and everything else is whatever you want to do.
I think you should speak to Maid/Matron of Honor first and let her know you are feeling the pinch finacially, if she is nice enough she might give you a few options to reduce your costs.
Post # 11
That is crazy! I would never expect my girls to pay that much!!
Be honest! Tell the bride that you can’t afford the wedding day expenses and the bachlorette party expenses. Just tell her that you are sorry but you are going to have to back out of the bachlorette party unless plans change.
Also, if they aren’t into the same things you are – you will be miserable. I used to hang out on occasion with people that smoked pot and I drank. It was terrible and I was a debbie downer bringing everybody else down. MIsery loves company.
Whatever you do, be honest. Lying will only make things worse in your friendships.
Post # 12
@HourThyme: i would absolutely call with a ‘omg the worst thing happened – there’s been a huge issue at work and there’s a mandatory meeting with my client on that weekend – i’m going to be working through the weekend the fix this screw up’ etc. ‘i’m so sorry i won’t be able to make it, you know how much i was looking forward to it!’
that amount is ridiculous, especially if people are going to be rude to you and you’re not looking forward to it.
Post # 13
@HourThyme: Don’t go. If the expense got out of hand, and you didn’t ok it, then you’re not obliged to go.Yes, you’re right it is inconsiderate. Drop out!
Plus, I’d be out of the party the minute illegal drugs are produced.
Whatever happened to bachelorette parties being a single night?
Post # 14
Ugh. Way too much money for you not to have a great time!
I would bow out and explain that its too much money, especially if YOU are getting married this year. If she is your friend she will understand.
Post # 15
Why exactly are you still friends with her and why did you agree to go???
I hightly doubt anyone expects you to change who you are…she likes you for a reason, she invited you for a reason. She may have suggested you dress a little sexier, but has she ever forced you to smoke pot or to get black-out drunk?
I think it boiles down to you not being comfortable in this crowd..ther’es nothing wrong with declining to be part of future events with her and her friends. Also, when costs exceed what was orginally quoted, you have every reason to back out.
Post # 16
Whoa I could’ve written this post myself. All I can tell you is that do what you feel comfortable with, and try to enjoy the parts that you can. I am a homebody. I enjoy long skirts and antiques, books and baking. My sisters friend’s are all about drinking until 3am, and worse. My sister’s bachelorette party was this past weekend. Drinking til past 3am, bars, even strippers, you name it! I tried to be a good sport (while keeping to my own morals) and actually ended up having a good time and the other girls didn’t mind my lack of participation at times. I borrowed a dress so that I could look the part (it was one of those high low, so not totally skanky haha). I talked to my husband about my spending budget, and he just told me to breathe and take it minute by minute. We only went to Cape May NJ, but after hotel and everything, it was about $600.
Feel free to PM me if you need!