- 5 years ago
I don’t know that I’ll be able to view the holiday season as anything but a major obstacle to keeping the bride happy.
At the time the bride asked me to be Maid/Matron of Honor (late spring) she had no idea when the wedding would be but promised sometime in spring of next year. Flash foward to August and suddenly the date has been set to Dec. 26, we’re (BMs) rushing to get dresses, plan a bridal shower (under the over-critical eye of the MOB) and figure out a date for a bachelorette party that works well for everyone during the holiday season.
Regardless of how much the day after Christmas wedding really spoiled some of my own family and holiday obligations I’d never leave my friend hanging and back out of the wedding but I told her that concessions might have to be made. I.E. The Dec 24 luncheon was out for me because I go to my 98 year old grandparent’s in the morning and then take them to “midnight mass” in the early evening, but I would be there for her as much as possible.
The BMs and I found we needed to do the party two weeks before the wedding (rather than the weekend right before Christmas) in order to have the dance class we’d agreed would be perfect for the bride and also to avoid pre-scheduled holiday events at the bars we planned to go to.
The bride found this unacceptable (too far from the wedding) and said it had to be the weekend before or she wouldn’t do it at all. She was already upset that some guests had said they couldn’t make it becuase they would be visiting relatives that week so when we told her the date, I understand she was stressed. Her temper tantrum (really the best way to describe it) convinced us to meet her demands.
Somehow we made it work. (Personally I had to find someone else to pick up my out-of-state relatives at the airport that evening and take them to dinner and I paid for a hotel room they could stay in for the evening.) This date has meant that the dance classes aren’t available, many of the bars we had planned on going to are reserved for “ticket only” holiday events or are even just flat out closed. Dinner and drinks at one of the BM’s homes, followed by going to a few new bars and then dancing. (The bride gave us a long list of things she WOULDN’T do, so all of these are safe, fun bets for her)
Unfortunetly, bride has gotten wind of our plans and is not happy.(By gotten wind I mean she called and demanded an schedule or she wouldn’t go) She wanted to do “this” and go to “THAT” bar and we are just acting really selfishly. Then she said that we were just making up the holiday events because she had been able to book her wedding venue so easily and inexpensively. She claimed that becuase she put so much money into her wedding we should be doing the same and were probably just being cheap like her mother said we were with the ($2000) bridal shower. Then sinking rather low she made a comment about how taking christmas as a religious holiday is completely old fashioned.
First reaction is to yell right on back about how we are working under the constraints she imposed and planning a wedding the day after a major holidays is selfish. Luckily I was saved from being hurtful towards her when she hung up.
I will be meeting her soon for lunch and have tossed around the idea of printing off the calenders for the bars to show the holiday events. Bringing the menu and price list for the bars that we WILL be going to and printing the emails between the dance instructor and myself with her apologizing for being unable to offer the class on the new date.
Yet, I don’t think that this would help to diffuse the situation. I love the bride and want to be her friend when the wedding is over and a supportive Maid/Matron of Honor but I also think a reality check is in order. How do I approach this?