Post # 1
I need serious advice!!
At first we hadn’t planned on having a bachelor/ette party, but friends and family kept insisting that we have one so we agreed to have a co-ed party.
The problem lies in the fact that our wedding is on a Friday and most of the guests won’t arrive until the day before the wedding. I’ve been to a bachelorette party thrown the night before the wedding and I could barely function the day of the wedding! I know the right thing would be to drink responsibly but that isn’t going to fly with our guests. My fiance says he won’t drink very much, but I know him well enough to know that’s a joke.
I told him I wasn’t comfortable with having the party the night before the wedding because I wanted us and our guests to be functional the day of the wedding, especially since we’ll be doing most of the setup ourselves early in the morning and the ceremony is at 2pm. I really don’t want everyone to be ridiculously hungover at my wedding!
He promptly said “that’s okay, it won’t be a bachelor party then… it will just be a birthday party for my brother.” — Let me backtrack and tell you that I got a lot of grief over having my wedding the day after his brother’s birthday. How dare I ruin his birthday and his birthday celebration plans?! Even my fiance got angry that I was ruining his brother’s birthday. The best part about it….. I gave my fiance a list of possible wedding dates and HE CHOSE the day after his brother’s birthday!!!!
I tried to explain it to him that the name of the party doesn’t matter, people will still get sloshed. Then I suggested we have our bachelor/ette party the day after the wedding (on a Saturday) so that we can really let loose because we won’t be worrying about the wedding. He scoffed at the idea and walked away – presumably because I’m ruining his brothers plans, again.
What do I do??? How can I convince him that it’s a horrible idea to have the bachelor/ette party the night before an afternoon wedding?
Post # 3
That is a horrible idea. LoL.
Just tell him you want to be able to enjoy your wedding and not have him and your entire wedding party hungover. You don’t want to remember your wedding as a day that was miserable because you were hungover. There will always be times to drink and whatnot. This is about you, not the people that are trying to pressure you in to this. I’m sure you will get to party it up at your wedding. Maybe you can have something the weekend before with the people that are able to attend.
And his brother, I assume, is a grown adult. He should be understanding that you don’t want to get trashed before your wedding. And I’m sure he has plenty of friends that he can go out with.
I don’t know what else to suggest. I guess if they do drink, don’t let them sckimp on helping you out. They will feel miserable while having to do things. LoL
Post # 4
It looks like he’s going out anyway to celebrate with his brother, so why not just do the co-ed party that way you can keep an eye on how much he’s drinking. I know it’s tough, but don’t over think it, just have fun and keep the thought in the back of your head that you need to take it easy. Perhaps the best way to handle it is to start the party earlier than you would normally go out that way you can be home earlier to pass out.
Post # 5
@ MissTBee – It’s his brother’s 30th birthday and he’s driving to MD from NY for our wedding the morning of his birthday (which is the day before the wedding). So he won’t have any friends to go out with on his birthday.
@ EsqBailey – Because the family will all be together, I’m almost positive that their mom will plan something for that evening to celebrate his birthday so the co-ed party definitely won’t start early. And I’m pretty sure there won’t be a wedding the next day if I were to tell my fiance to watch his consumption. Apparently there’s some unspoken rule about that sort of thing with guys. lol
This is why I didn’t want a bachelor/ette party to begin with, because it ends up being about everyone else instead of the bride and groom.
Post # 6
Could you not try and do it the weekend before??
If not..I suggest going out the night after the wedding. It doesn’t matter what it is called, just a time to let loose and have fun!!
Post # 7
Depends on well behaved all your friends are 😉
Post # 8
It seems like you’re resigned to the fact that you will either have a hungover groom or you will have to be a bridezilla and put your foot down. Just try to have fun and go with the flow. It may not be as bad as you think.
Post # 9
@ abnorris – His brother is planning the party and he doesn’t get in until the day before the wedding. I’m trying to convince my fiance to go out the day after, he’s not too thrilled about that idea. I’m going to try and talk to some of our friends about it to see if they can convince him.
@ EsqBailey – You’re right, I pretty much have resigned to that. It looks like I’m going to have to make due. I hope it doesn’t turn out to be a disaster. lol
Post # 10
Can you maybe have some input into the party and make it a bit more low key? Perhaps see if someone can host a BBQ or host a party at their house? At least that way the amount of alcohol purchased can be monitored. Alternatively, I don’t know what else you can do other than express to your Fiance that you will be very, very hurt if he chooses to treat your wedding so lightly that he would be willing to go out and get trashed the night before, thereby resulting in him being hungover on the actual day. I know if I expressed it in those terms to my DH, he would take it a lot more to heart, rather than me saying ‘I don’t want you to get drunk’.
Post # 11
Oh and P.S. your FI’s brother needs to get over himself. He’s a grown man and needs to realise that the world doesn’t stop for his birthday. Sorry, I find that kind of behaviour ridiculous, especially from a grown person. Definitely don’t worry about that aspect, particularly as your Fiance chose the date.
Post # 12
@gumby:Yikes! I agree with you, I would not want to have a big party the night before my wedding. That time should be spent with close family and friends, quietly, relaxing and preparing yourself for the day ahead. All of your planning and time was spent to make this one day special and you want to make sure that you are fully able to enjoy is and not be hungover.
Post # 13
Total horrible idea to have it before the wedding day. Were having ours a MIN of a month out!!!
Id suggest something like that for him (in the hope that as its a month or more before the wedding in hope that as its a month out the out of towners will come two both occasions) and then help to organise a dinner the night before the wedding for the brother.