(Closed) Bachelorette party nightmare!!!

posted 7 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t think you’re a prude. I think strippers are generally kind of gross (especially male ones) and I would be extremely uncomfortable in your situation as well. Maybe not burst-into-tears uncomfortable, but it’s possible, as I’m a very sensitive and emotional person. I think considering your friend did the one thing you absolutely did not want, your reaction is totally justified.

Post # 4
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow! This is also the ONE this I do NOT want at my bachelorette party as well. I can completely understand how you feel.  How uncomfortable? 

I think you should have a talk this week before the wedding. Let her know how disrespected you and your fiance feel. Maybe you guys can talk now before  the wedding so the uninvite doesn’t have to happen. 

Post # 5
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

im so sorry you were put in this situation. in no way are you a prude. you did not want this, you said you didnt want this and it was thrust apon you! i would be beyond annoyed! there would not be words to describe the way i would feel, im getting angry just thinking about it! i think you need to talk to her about it! and dont appologise when you do it! you have nothing to feel sorry for! also dont let her cry her way out of this or turn it arround on you! write something down. perhaps write her a letter, and say evrything.. maybe dont post it but burn it or something like that! make sure you get it out! dont let it fester away at you! this is your week to feel amazing and you can let yourself feel amazing, choose it!

Post # 6
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow – I would be furious if I were you!  When I had my bachelorette, I also specifically said that I did not want a stripper, even though the other girls did.  I said that I would not be comfortable with a stripper and would leave if one showed up.  The night of my bachelorette we were having a great time at a bar when my Maid/Matron of Honor was talking to a guy who offered to be a stipper for the party.  I calmly told my Maid/Matron of Honor if this happened I would leave and it would be the end of our friendship.  Luckily she respected me and my decision and told the guy no.

If you are worried about this affecting your wedding day, you need to discuss this with her beforehand.  Hopefully once you get your feelings out in the open you can work through the issue and move on to have a wonderful day!

Post # 7
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It sounds like they wanted a stripper and were using you as an excuse to get one.  You are definitely not a prude and it sucks you had to be put in that situation.  I would talk to the girl and see what she has to say.  If she is truly sorry then I dont see why she still cant come to the wedding

Post # 8
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

While in theory, I’m not personally opposed to a stripper for mine (umm until I read all the really dirty things he did at yours), what happened at your party sounds completely disrespectful to you and your Fiance. It sounds like your friend got something in her head that she wanted to do, and while her intentions might have been harmless (to give you a girls night like she thought you should have), the outcome was terrible.

My point is that the judgment of whether or not this is acceptable for someone who is about to get married is totally your call, and it might be different for different people. What sucks the most is that your friend turned what should have been a fantastic night into a really negative experience. I’m so sorry.

But lucky you to have such an understanding Fiance, it shows that you both have a lot of trust and respect between each other.

Post # 10
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh hon, I’m so sorry.  People can be such dumbasses sometimes. You are NOT a prude, and she is 100% in the wrong for not respecting your wishes.

If she’s a good friend, I wouldn’t disinvite her. I’m guessing she didn’t intend to hurt you and probably convinced herself you would think it was fun. Again – she was COMPLETELY in the wrong here, and I am in no way defending her actions.  Giving her the benefit of hte doubt, though, I’m guessing she wasn’t being malicious, just thoughtless and insensitive.  Given that she has apologized, I wouldn’t throw the friendship away while you’re still in such a (legitimately) angry place.  I would stay away from her this week, and not pay much attention to her the day of the wedding.  Try to focus on the happier aspects of the upcoming wedding, and how great it is that you and your Fiance share the values you do. It will still be wonderful.

Then later, when you’re not still in the throes of all the wedding emotions, you can decide what to do about the friendship.

Post # 11
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow, that sounds like it was quite a bad experience for you. While I’m not personally opposed to strippers, I guess if you explicitly said you didn’t want one then you have a right to be mad. However, I think you are letting it get to you. Don’t let one night of this ruin your wedding! Just try to let it roll off your shoulders and focus on what is really important, marrying your man!

Post # 12
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You are most certainly not a prude. She crossed the line and invaded your comfort zone.

Now personally I am not against strippers in anyway but there are certain things I don’t like. Such as “his bits” should never be seen, let alone bouncing on any part of the guests. I can not stand the aggressiveness of some of the strippers. It seems like their ultimate goal is to break someones will when the get the “NO” response instead of respect their choice.

I believe there was once an art to stripping such as Burlesque which kept you wondering what was going on behind the costume/props, you were allowed to have your own imagination and you could stop it where ever you wanted to without being violated by the dancer.

I would un-invite her. Her intentions seemed selfish and she clearly doesn’t “know” you as well as she thought. Sorry you are going thru this during this final week but you might feel better when you talk to her and get all of your frustrations off your chest. Good Luck

Post # 13
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Did she explain to you why she thought it was a good idea, when you told her you didn’t want a stripper?

I am glad she apologized to you, but I am baffled as to why she did it in the first place.

Post # 14
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry you had a horrible time at your bachelorette party!!! I would just talk to her about how upset you are….. Maybe she didn’t think you were serious when you said no strippers. Has she appoligized or anything?

Post # 15
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I would uninvite her, among other things (like chewing her out in person), and I would make sure she KNOWS that she is not invited because of the stripper.

At the point it was apparent that you were not happy (like when he first came in) EVERY GIRL THERE should have told him to back off of you.  If they wanted a groin thrust to the face (ew, I need hand sanitizer just typing that…) then they could have redirected him.  But to let him manhandle you is just SO WRONG.  Frankly I probably would have filed charges if I tried to get away and he wouldn’t let me and they wouldn’t help.  But I probably would have kneed him square in the junk and kicked his butt out too, so…

What I’m saying is I understand how upset you are.  And if you choose to uninvite your friend this person, I agree that she deserves it.  Plus your Fiance doesn’t want her there either.  I just don’t understand what kind of person does that.  If I say “The only thing I don’t want at my party is chocolate s’mores,” and then my friend orders a s’more bar, then she’s a $(#&%.

Post # 16
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can see why you would be upset – you specifically indicated what you didn’t want at your party & it was ignored. That is plain rude.

However; I do really think she thought it would be funny and that you would eventually have fun with it – at least that is what I would hope she was thinking, because it’s just hard for me to believe that a friend would intentionally and maliciously upset you. I think this was just poor judgement on her behalf, thinking she knew better then you when it came to “fun” parties, but ultimately I think her intentions were good.

I would talk to her about it & express that it upset you. Clear the air and move on focusing on the exciting wedding to come!

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