Post # 1
Are bridesmaids obligated to attend the bachelorette party?
The bride wants to go on a weekend getaway where those participating will have to pay their own way (hotel, car rental, cost of food, and pick up the cost of the bride as well, plus any spending money). Those who have read my posts know that money is tight, but I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor and only bridesmaid. As such, I’m already planning the bridal shower and shouldering that cost.
I’m not planning the bachelorette party, the bride’s friend is. This is a friend who is notorious for being extravagant with her costs (higher end hotels, high end drinks etc). I’m afraid that when we “split” the bill, it’ll be ridiculously high especially since I don’t drink and don’t want to pay hundreds of dollars for alcohol I haven’t consumed.
People are saying since I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor, I “have” to go. It’s mandatory that I be there. But this is going to be too expensive
Am I obligated to suck it up and go?
Post # 3
If you can’t afford to go, that is a reasonable reason not to. And I think you should openly bring up that concern, and say you want to go, but you can’t spend more than you can afford on it.
Post # 4
Nope. IMO your life shouldn’t be negatively impacted because of someone elses party. A real friend would be mindful of that and not hold it against you.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
The only thing you “have” to do is show up at the wedding, smile pretty and hold the bride’s bouquet. Unfortunately, it’s not common for other people to try to dump other “requirements” on you. You have a very valid reason for not attending this weekend. And, you DO have a life outside of this wedding.
I’d have a face to face with the bride- “I would LOVE to be there, but with the other expenses that I have for your wedding, I’m just not going to be able to swing this weekend.”
Post # 6
@introvertedgal: No, you don’t have to go. I find it particularly obnoxious when people pass their costs on to others. Why isn’t the girl who is planning it paying for everyone? It sounds like you’re shouldering the cost for the whole bridal shower / not getting help from the other BMs, so I don’t know why you’d be expected to help with the bachelorette party. I could be wrong here.
If you don’t drink, you don’t have to pay for drinks – just get your own tab. Tell the other girl you’ll just venmo her for the hotel room.
Post # 7
Thank you for the great advice. I just had this belief that since I’m the only Bridesmaid or Best Man and her Maid/Matron of Honor, that it’s almost obligatory for me to go. Also, I’m related to the bride, so it’s almost like since I’m family, I have to be there.
Part of the problem with the party is that it’s out of town, and while I have no problems staying at motels and lower end hotels, the planner loves high class hotels (that are really out of my budget). By the time you add in the cost of the shower, other miscellaneous expenses for wedding crafts etc, it’s starting to really add up.
I know the bride would be really disappointed if her only BM/MOH didn’t go to this party.
@bitsybee – Since I’m the only Bridesmaid or Best Man, I have to shoulder the cost of the bridal shower. The bride’s friends haven’t offered to pay at all.
Post # 8
Tell the bride of your financial concerns… she should take that into consideration given you her only Bridesmaid or Best Man and MOH!!
My MOHs can’t afford anything expensive, so I just go with the flow for a chill night at home, instead of a weekend getaway even thought I can afford it.
I also have to pay for one of my MOH’s flight bc she cant afford to come to Destination Wedding. If it’s important for the bride that you BE there… she will make an effort to make it happen… help you out or tell you that you don’t have to split the cost or pay for her… etc.