Post # 1
I’m a Maid/Matron of Honor for one of my friends who is getting married this summer. I’m excited to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and want to make her wedding process the best ever. I’m having an issue though because she is very focused on a destination bachelorette party. As in, traveling 5+ hours by plane to get to Vegas and stay for 4 days/3 nights. I was fine with it because, hey it is her party, but it feels like this may be a very expensive trip. She wants to stay at a hotel suite on the strip and has mentioned going out to fancy restaurants & clubs each night. She also wants to have each night have a theme that we need to dress according to (aka, buying new clothing for each night). On top of that, I feel like she expects me to plan out each detail and then contribute more financially than just my share since I am Maid/Matron of Honor. Is this normal? I have never been a Maid/Matron of Honor before but I have been a bridesmaid. The past bachelorette parties i have been to have been one night get together at local bars, very laid back.
I feel like I need to approach her about my lack of funds, especially because I have my own wedding I am trying to save for. But I also do not want to ruin her dream bachelorette party. What do/did you girls expect from your Maid/Matron of Honor in regards to your bachelorette party?
Post # 3
@mariebee14: it’s very simple: the bride doesn’t get to plan or choose her own batchelorette party unless she’s fronting all of the costs for it. It is your job and the other bridesmaids’ job (and even then, still not an obligation to do anything you don’t want to) to choose and plan what you ladies will do for her, and unless she’s a rude jerk, she’ll accept whatever type of party you plan graciously.
Post # 4
Heck no that’s not normal! I think it’s ridiculous to EXPECT such a big & expensive trip. It’s one thing if you and the bp brought it up.
Post # 5
@mariebee14: This is NOT normal and you should not be expected to help pay for something this extravagent. The bride does not plan her own bachelorette party unless she’s planning the whole thing, including paying.
Look into alternatives – if she’s more interested in the shows, go to a great show locally. If it’s the food, do a tasting menu at a great restaurant nearby. If it’s the casino, then find a casino locally.
I can’t imagine expecting people to go Las Vegas for something this long for a bachelorette. Maybe one night.
Post # 6
No, totaly not normal. I’m staying hands off everything for these things, and even feel awkward asking if they are being planned (my girls know I want one, and know the date that will work for me)
Post # 7
@mariebee14: E-mail her guest list and ask them what their budget for the festivities is. If every girl responds with $1000 or more, then start planning Vegas. If everyone responds with $200 (still, a high number!) then tell the bride that the budget is $200, so Vegas isn’t happening. Look for a large cabin in driving distance and go from there.
Post # 8
- Wedding: December 2014 - The Villa
@mariebee14: @Lana_Rose: said it perfectly… she may desire all these things, but unless she is planning and fronting cash for some of the expenses… I say it’s a no go. I was thinking about a destination bachelorette party too (b/c I’m getting married in the winter) but I am very conscious of all my maids’ budgets so I’ve all but scrapped the idea. Your friend picked you to be MoH and sometimes we brides need someone to pull us back to reality. 4 nights in Vegas is ridic, unless you are on the Shahs of Sunset or working with that type of budget. Lol.
Post # 9
I’m so glad to know that this isn’t normal. I was feeling guilty for being so worried about the costs. I’m definitely going to follow @thenewmrsmax: advice and talk to the rest of the bridal party about their budgets. I had never heard of a bride having more than one night for a bachelorette party prior to this.
Post # 10
@mariebee14 I think the destination bachelorette party is VERY common in my circle(and yes it can be expensive). All of the weddings I have been a part of have done so. No one should feel obligated to go because it can be expensive and we don’t always go to Vegas because it is also expensive. You can get a suite at a hotel in Vegas for pretty cheap especially if you all stay in it. Even if Vegas is too expensive you can look into some other more affordable cities, maybe even one that is a drive instead of flight and do a girls weekend?
Post # 11
The bride is very set on Vegas and I talked to the other girls and they are in. Only one other girl has expressed doubt about the costs. It is looking like it will cost me around $1000 for this trip. I’m still in school and planning (and paying for) my own wedding so those kind of costs are giving me a heart attack.
Does anyone have any advice on what to say to the bride? I feel just terrible that I am the Maid/Matron of Honor, supposed to be in charge of the party, and I am the one raining on the parade. If I was your Maid/Matron of Honor, would you be mad if I went but then only went one or two nights?
Post # 12
@mariebee14: “The bride is very set on Vegas…“
… and I want a pony. It doesn’t mean I’m getting one.
Just because the other girls are in, it doesn’t mean you need to. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. I think you should opt out entirely and let the other girls plan it.
If I was the bride I would never expect girls to spend big money on my bachelorette. But I can’t speak for your friend.
Post # 13
I would plan a “Vegas” night in your own town and make that the theme of the party. I think expecting people to shell out money for an expensive trip is over the top. You are her maid of honor which means she should have a lot of respect for you and you should tell her how you feel. I would be straight up with her and say that you would love to plan her a fantastic night but her expectations are more than what you can provide at this time. She’s your friend, tell her that the costs are more than you can handle but you came up with other ideas. If you are in charge of the party, plan it so that you aren’t put in a bad financial position.
Post # 14
@mariebee14: I think you just need to be honest with her. just say the whole gang are interested in throwing you a bachelorette and they have decided that Vegas is doable for them. Unfortunately I am not in a position for that so I hope you understand that I wont be able to attend and that I think the other girls should be in charge of planning you bachelorette. I will focus on throwing you a kick ass shower insetad. Thanks for being so understanding.
If she is upset over this then she isn’t much of a friend.
Post # 15
@mariebee14: Sigh I am on the otherside of the coin. I had my bridal party plan an out of town bachelorette and only after the fact start saying the prices were to high once things were booked and they were agreed to which has left me feeling really uncomfortable and unhappy.
So, my point of view as someone going through this- be up front about it. Tell her that you may not have the money for the expensive trip. See how much you can afford and figure out from there. Can you afford the flight and hotel? You all don’t need to dine at the same places, maybe some of you could go out fancy others could stay in. Most suites have a kitchen which you could prep meals in together (thats what we plan on doing)Just be up front and see if you can get some other girls to chip in? It’s not easy but seeing as you are in school and have a wedding to plan I am sure she will understand. Good luck
Post # 16
I’m having this same issue. I’m a bridesmaid in my friend’s upcoming wedding and she has planned this long weekend in another state and it’s just not something I can (or want) to afford right now. She has actually said “I think $600 is a reasonable amount for everyone to spend”. Ummm, no. I straight up told her that as of now I can’t make it. If airfare were to drastically drop closer to the date, then it might be an option.
You know what? I wanted some big, destination bachelorette weekend but there would have been all of 1, maybe 2, people that would have been able to come because of financial issues. So instead I chose to go somewhere within driving distance and the cost was very minimal (like $50/person). Yeah, it wasn’t the shit from the movies and yeah, I’ve been to this place countless times, but all my friends got to be with me and that’s what mattered to me.