Post # 1
So background on the situation. My Future Sister-In-Law is getting married beginning of Aug and got engaged Feb this year. Wedding is 18 hour drive away.
She has 2 sisters that are in her hometown and 2 bridesmaid (friend and me) here.
She had a shower up here and 1 down there. Our Future Mother-In-Law and I hosted her shower up here and put alot of time and effort into it. She loved it and thanked me. The other bridesmaid up here left all the planning to me and she left the planning of the bachelorette party up to me as well.
Since mid-May I have been trying to pull something together for the bachelorette party as I have limited weekends. I finally hit a wall and told the other bridesmaid 2 weeks ago she needs to spearhead this as I just don’t have time between the shower planning and personal stuff.
I again reiterated that I only have the weekend of the 14th free (sat) or the Sunday or the last weekend in July. My birthday is also in July and between seeing family its taking up my weekends in between.
Well the other bridesmaid emails me and says only 2 girls want to come to the bachelorette party and she booked a room the satuday night of my birthday when I already told her I am busy with a birthday family dinner.
My Fiance thinks “screw her, its your birthday do what you want with your family” but I feel bad I won’t be at my Future Sister-In-Law bachelorette party and only 2 girls will be there.
By The Way we cannot do it the night before the wedding because there is an extravagant rehearsal dinner planned and we cannot duck out in time to have a few drinks at a bar.
I am just really confuised and don’t know if I should cancel my birthday plans and be there or just say I did the shower for you and I can’t do the bachelorette.
Post # 3
That’s a tough one. I think given your involvement with the shower and the fact that you let everyone know in advance when you were free, don’t cancel your birthday plans. You will be there for the wedding and you were there for the shower. It’s not your fault they scheduled the bachelorette on a day they knew you were unavailable. It sucks, but it seems like you did everything in your power to avoid this and have thus far been extremely attentive and helpful.
On that note, would you be available after birthday festivities to meet up with them, even for a little bit?
Post # 4
@CaliHoya: The festivities are an hour away and I would like to have a few glasses of wine with my family and relax and not have to watch the clock to make sure I leave in time. So lets put it this way…no I don’t want to take the time to stay sober at my birthday party, then drive an hour to a club where they are all already wasted lol. Am I horrible?????
Post # 5
I honestly think you should reschedule your birthday celebration..a birthday comes every year..her bachelorette is once in a lifetime..my friend’s bachelorette also happens to be on my birthday but I will attend the bachelorette (and im not even a bridesmaid) I see no reason why you cant do your birthday supper on one of those other weekends, Im sure your family would be ok with that
Post # 6
@MapleCreekBride: I actually can’t, my family is away on the 2 previous weekends and then its her wedding so then I am away. So I won’t be having my birthday celebration until almost a month later which is pointless.
Post # 7
Post # 8
@missjewels: I think in your own way, you have made your decision. You are just looking for validation from us. Totally understandable. I see it as thus, Birthdays come once a year, but weddings and Batchelorette parties are once in a lifetime (hopefully). If I was in this situation, I would ask your family to get together another night. You will still get your family time and your bride will be ever thankful and have some amazing memories of her last night out, instead of having her heart broken that no one showed up.
Post # 9
Birthdays aren’t that big of a deal to me, so I would reschedule it and definetly attend my FSIL’s bachelorette. It’s not her fault that the other BM’s didn’t consider your schedule when planning.
Post # 10
I’m with the masses, birthdays are every year, her bachelorette party happens once. Maybe have a birthday brunch with your family? Have a few mimosas and sober up in time for the night’s festivities. You have been an amazing bridesmaid so far, and I’m sure the bride appreciates and relies on that and as much as she would likely forgive you for missing it, I’m sure it will mean a whole lot to her to have you there.
Post # 11
Yeah I kind of agree birthdays come every year. Have you thought of having a birthday brunch or lunch duriing the day, that way you could still celebrate your birthday and make her party.
I do think you have a good reason for missing the party as you made plans. However as her bridesmaid I think it would be a thoughtful and very nice gesture if you did everything you could to attend her party.
Post # 12
Can’t you celebrate your birthday earlier? It’s a saturday, it’s not like everyone’s working. I celebrate mine and my families’ birthdays sometime during the week whichever day is most convenient.
You really didn’t give much availability and it must have been difficult for the other BMs to figure out a day.
Post # 13
Another vote for “birthdays come every year but a bachelorette is once in a lifetime.” I would reschedule/skip my birthday celebration in this case. You’ll have another one next year.
Post # 14
I would reschedule my birthday celebration. I would rather skip celebrating my birthday for a year than miss a once in a lifetime celebration. But that’s just me! It sucks that they scheduled it on a day you told them you were unavailable 🙁
Post # 15
I don’t think you have to cancel your birthday plans, but how do you think your Future Sister-In-Law will feel? One of my bridesmaids didn’t attend my bachelorette party because it was Memorial Day weekend and she goes to the lake with her family every Memorial Day. Another bridesmaid couldn’t come because she had to work and had a graduation party to go to. I was depressed for a good two weeks about my bachelorette party because of these two. I kept thinking, she goes to the lake every year–why can’t she skip it this year? Or, how is this graduation party more important than mine? But I got over it, and forgave them, because a bridesmaid is not a slave and I am a pretty laid-back bride. Looking back, do I wish they were there? Hell yeah! But do I fault them for not being there? No. It was their decision to make, and I still had a good time regardless.
So, I would just think about how your Future Sister-In-Law will feel in this instance, and make your decision based on that. If she is laid-back and won’t really care, go ahead with the birthday. I will say that I missed going to a wedding for a bachelorette party I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in–oh, and I had to go to NEBRASKA for it (I live in Illinois lol). Thankfully we carpooled.