- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I could really use some advice on my bachelorette/wedding party situation with my bridesmaids. My best friend is my Maid of Honor well call her “A”.. My two other bridesmaids are my fiance’s younger sisters “B” and “C” lol and the other two bridesmaids are “D” and “E” who are separate friends I have known for years. Just to explain the dynamic, “A” my Maid/Matron of Honor has tension with “E” for years now and they don’t talk. Originally us three were super close and went everywhere together. I met my Maid/Matron of Honor through “E” and once my Maid/Matron of Honor and I became close, “E” started causing drama and hating on her, but what it did was push “E” away from me- and she ended up dis-including herself from the three of us all hanging out. For the past 6 six years, I have managed to hang out with “A” and “E” separately and maintain friendships. These two don’t talk, don’t have each other on social media and in six years I have not had them in the same room more than once or twice since.
Bridesmaid “D” is a friend who gets along with everyone, she doesn’t know most of them very well- I can mesh her with anyone and she’s cool with it- there is no history with anyone so she is neutral to everything.
Bridesmaid’s B and C are my sister-in-laws to be. They don’t know bridesmaids D and E, only met them maybe once- so they don’t really have issues. My Maid/Matron of Honor has a small issue with the one sister in law of mine, because my sister in law dated my MOH’s ex-fiance when they broke up, and to my Maid/Matron of Honor it was a bit akward and uncomfortable for her. I supported her through that and it never ended up working out anyway, they only went on a few dates- but my Maid/Matron of Honor and sister in law recently just patched things up because of the wedding- and said they have no hard feelings over it. (It appears anyway). My MOH’s ex is a friend of ours and he is in my fiance’s wedding party also- so my Maid/Matron of Honor let things go knowing they broke up, but she understands he is a great guy and friendships were developed with him in the 5 years they were together. So there hasn’t been issues there, my Maid/Matron of Honor and her ex-fiance even talk civil and play on the same baseball team together.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is trying to plan my bachelorette in Vegas and she knows it is important to me that I at least invite all my bridesmaids. She wants to keep most of it a surprise for me, but due to the fact that the other bridesmaids are not friends of hers, I said I would help plan or assist her in anyway- if she needs people to co-operate with her, or has any trouble I asked her to let me know because I know there is some sticky situations and tension with people. I was hoping since this is supposed to be a celebration on my behalf, that people might be civil and cooperate and things would run smoothly. So far off to a bad start lol L
My Maid/Matron of Honor sent a message to all the girls yesterday telling them (based on research we have done- my input included) that flight/hotel packages for Vegas are going to be around $700-850 per person. She also explained to them that they may want to budget if there are any extras they want to do like shopping, casino, etc. if that is something they want to experience- but up to them. She also threw it out there that if people could afford to budget maybe $100 extra to put together and cover my portion of the trip. I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that I don’t expect that, I do understand Vegas is an expensive trip. She and Bridesmaid “D” are on board and 100% wanted to chip in and cover for me because we all have the same mind set and would return the favor for everyone when it is their bachelorette one day. I made sure to tell my Maid/Matron of Honor, regardless I’m ok with spending $850-1000 on Vegas to pay my own way and it was certainly a nice gesture and I even appreciated those two saying they would do it. But if it can’t happen I am still prepared to pay my own way.
When my Maid/Matron of Honor sent a group message the only one that said SOUNDS GREAT I’m in and I can afford it – was bridesmaid “D”. My sister in laws and bridesmaid E, kept saying can we look for other prices? Are there any other deals? Two even suggested that I should book it through my company because we sometimes get a 6% discount on travel packages. The discount would be minimal with the number of people we have going, so really it is not even worth worrying about. My Maid/Matron of Honor told everyone that she was hoping to surprise me with paying for my portion and book it all without having me to get involved and not know where we were staying etc, that she was just trying to get an idea of people’s budget and if it was actually do-able. My sister in law’s did not answer about chipping in for me, both said they wanted to continue looking for more package options! Bridesmaid E said she couldn’t afford it and said she needed a cheaper deal too and could not afford 100 to chip in for me. My Maid/Matron of Honor only told me and so did Bridesmaid D, because we have all done our research and 700-850 for hotel/flight is very very normal for Vegas. You really aren’t getting any cheaper deals than that, so I don’t understand what the other girls are expecting to find a far as “deals” go. The convo then continued to bickering and some drama and my sister in laws being immature and other petty things going back and forth. Bridesmaid D, messaged me and said she felt TERRIBLE for my Maid/Matron of Honor because she felt they were being difficult to her and pointing out her typos in the conversation, she said she could sense attitude from a few of the girls towards my MOH- when she felt she was trying her best and being very fair and reasonable with explaining the cost and asking people if this was something in their budget.
I felt horrible after hearing all this and decided ON MY OWN- that I would do my bachelorette in September instead of May- and it would be local and a girl’s night out that everyone could enjoy and not feel obligated to spend a lot of money- because I completely understood it was a lot to ask for!! I also wanted to do this because I have 3 other pregnant friends, including 1 pregnant bridesmaid (my 6th girl) that cannot come to Vegas because they will be breast feeding. I said September was a better option so that ALL my friends and bridesmaids could make it and it will be a great time and easy to plan! I said no hard feelings and I wanted it to be a fun in-expensive night that everyone could attend and enjoy!
I then said to my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid D privately, that why don’t the three of us go to Vegas as a pre-bachelorette- pay our own way and have a stress free trip and time together since us three have no issue with the pricing and we all get along. I said to them that I would talk to my fiancé and see if we could come up with a compromise because I felt bad that maybe this was too expensive for his sisters and I did not want them to feel they HAD to come. So I felt September was a good option and no one had to feel bad about not coming to Vegas.
I got private messages from both my sister in laws and they both said DON’T cancel Vegas, lets’ go just the three of us! I was thinking to myself WHAT? Why so much difficulty when my Maid/Matron of Honor was planning this, people saying it’s a bit expensive, they have bills to pay, etc. but then when I cancel it they both message me saying they want to go with me! At that point they were not aware that I was going to go anyway with my Maid/Matron of Honor and other bridesmaid.
I’m super annoyed with how people are acting and I also feel it is not fair that I have to deal with this drama- I feel like the 3 people are ganging up on my MOH- and making things difficult for her- I read a lot of the messages that were screen shots from my bridesmaid D, and she felt they were being rude as well to my Maid/Matron of Honor and almost ganging up on her. It was like bridesmaid E and my sister in laws ganged up together and all resisted what my Maid/Matron of Honor was trying to accomplish. Bridesmaid D was the only one that said I’m in 100%- let me know and I can work with that budget and would 100% chip in for the Bride. She even said thanks for planning all this for the bride!
What should I do about this???? I just want people to get along and I also feel really bad that this may be too expensive. I feel like my September bachelorette is a great idea, and can include everyone ! And Vegas in May might be less stressful for just 4 of us to go. My fiancé is actually doing the same, having one in Florida and then a cottage bachelor in September because some of his friends have newborn babies and May is too early for people to leave the newborns. His September bachelor he also wants to include his dad, uncles, my brothers, etc. My two bothers live out of town, so they are not as close to my fiancé that he would not invite them to Florida for his. I was just being polite inviting my sister in laws to Vegas because I do see them more frequently.
I told my fiancé before that I was worried about his younger sisters because I felt I would babysit them the entire time. They tend to wander off, get drunk and a little obnoxious- I am 32 and my sister in laws are 24 and 28. My girlfriends are my age- so there is a difference in maturity 100%.
I don’t know what to do????? Any thoughts?