(Closed) Bachelor’s Party

posted 10 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

are you a religious person? i ask bc the first thing that comes to mind is to pray.  

seriously. do you trust him? talk to him about how you feel. how you honestly feel. and once he’s got that information, then its really in his hands.

you’re not being a baby. this is how you feel and your feeling are valid. at the same time, i would say to try to let go of things out of your control. this is out of your realm of control.

remember that he is choosing to spend his life with you, so he clearly loves you and wants only you.

Post # 4
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

My guy was the first to get married of his buddies, so I knew that it was going to come up. Fortunately, my guy wasn’t interested in the stereotype and decided to do something else. He and the guys went go-cart racing and out to dinner. There are alternatives to the stereotype and if you go back a ways (Roman empire), they used it as a way to celebrate comrades with feasting and toasting and to reconfirm friendships.

I guess the big question is how does your guy feel about it?

Post # 5
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

hey Lan!  i’d say don’t worry about it.  i mean there’s a reason why it’s a bachelor’s party and it’s only one time.  let him have fun.  above all else, he knows how you feel about the situation and that you trust him not to do anything.  feel better k?


ps. i got your vday card!! Thanks so much! it’s lovely! =)

Post # 6
228 posts
Helper bee

Definitely talk to him about it, and make it clear what you are and are not comfortable with.  There’s no reason why you should force yourself to ‘get comfortable with the idea’ of strippers.  On the other hand, if you don’t tell him what you don’t want to do, then it’s hard to be upset about it later.  Just don’t leave anything (on either side) to be assumed.

Post # 7
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

No I don’t think so. I think you’re fully entitled to feel that way! And if you’re being a baby – then I am too.

Mr S has told his guys NO STRIPPERS and as upset and ticked as they are (because I guess it’s the only time these guys see naked woman??) they will be doing what he asks.

Mr S finds it disrepectful to me to go out and have another womans tata’s bounced in his face. And though I have a family member in the industry who we love despite her choice of career, he doens’t support the industry and won’t by having them at his stag party.  

I never swayed him either way to not do this or to do it, hemade the decision before he knew where I really stood on the topic.

We kinda ended up avoiding the whole thing because we are having our stag and stagette parties the same night as the rehersal dinner all in the same spot. We’re so far past the days of over priced drinks and loud rap music that the clubs and the city didn’t thrill us.

Talk to him, I’m sure he’ll be way more understanding then you think 🙂 

Post # 8
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Yay Sweeney and Mr. Sweeney!  Fiance and I have also agreed, and he has conveyed to his friend doing the planning, that there will be no strippers.  It’s not that I don’t trust him, I just find the whole thing really distasteful, and disrespectful of me.  And so does he, but he was thinking somehow that he had to "go along" with his buddies.  The thing is, most of his friends really aren’t into that either – and I know they would be in huge trouble with their wives if they did have strippers.  After some discussion, we agreed that there’s no reason for him to go along with some bachelor party expectation that in fact we are both against, and know that others involved are also against.  In fact, there’s only one guy in his crowd who would push it.  I heard (with some relief) last week that after discussions among the guys who really don’t want strippers, they think its just safer not to include the one who would probably hire them even if seriously told not to.  So they aren’t inviting him.  (He is also the guy who always runs up the $1000 bar tab and then disappears when its time to pay, so no great loss.)

Post # 10
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t think you are being a baby about it at all.  Personally, I think its disrespectful for a man who is about to get married to be oogling other naked women and getting lap dances.  I don’t think you should have to talk yourself into being okay with it.  It’s not an issue of trust – it’s an issue of respect and integrity.

I hope you talk to him about how you feel.  I think it’s really important.

My husband had a halo party for his bachelor party, as did his brother and a couple of his friends.  Another friend had a bowling bachelor party.  They all had a fun time at all of the parties.  There are a lot of fun options out there like that.   I hope everything works out for you.

Post # 11
228 posts
Helper bee

But see, that’s the thing- you don’t have to have ‘intelligent responses’ for why you aren’t comfortable with strippers.  Just the fact that they make you uncomfortable should be reason enough for your FH.  If he’s ambivalent about it anyway, then a conversation won’t be a big deal, and it won’t be ‘all about you’.  If you’re even slightly concerned about it all, you should talk to him… better now than to be resentful later =)

Post # 12
6 posts
  • Wedding: September 2008

Strippers… that’s a sticky one. If it makes you upset, that should be reason enough for him to not allow it. My Fiance and I have discussed having our bachelor(ette) parties together, combined into one event.

Post # 13
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Here’s a rational reason for why you might not want strippers:

The whole bachelor party ethos is "you’re never going to have fun with a woman again, so you’ve got to get it all in before the wedding!"  That’s insulting to you and your relationship.   What more reason do you need?

Post # 14
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m all for strippers.  We’ll probably be having them at each of our bachelor/bachelorette parties. 

Post # 15
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I don’t particularly care-there’s nothing less sexy than a stripper.

Post # 16
31 posts
  • Wedding: May 2008

Fiance and I were just discussing this last night.  I have never been a fan of bachelor parties, or strip clubs, but thanks to a lot of long talks, experience, and maturity, I think we’ve come to some sort of mutual understanding.  I laid some groundrules to him saying a) the less I know about it/hear about it, the better – unf. I think my imagination with this stuff is the worst part and b) have fun and c) Please keep in mind that I would like you to respect me at all times and respect the 5+ years of our relationship.

 I am confident now (after 3 bachelor parties attended and a couple of big fights) that he gets the groundrules and plays by them.  From what I’ve heard, a lot of misbehavior is fueled by the single guys – Fiance said that he made sure he can beat up anyone who’s invited if they start getting crazy! LOL.

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