(Closed) Back from vacation…no ring :(

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Shut it up or tell him how upset I am?

    Shut it up at least until after 30th birthday next month

    Shut it up as long as it takes

    Tell him I'm upset he didn't propose when he said he would

  • Post # 32
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

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    @aithinne:  My SO told me that too (that I can’t ask and that he is supposed to decide everything) (he is not from my home). Many discussions later, he totally agrees that it absolutely didn’t make any sense to leave me in the dark about the one of the most important decisions a couple make for themselves. We totally picked a date together, and he did propose, but I was allowed to give my opinion about the way it would go as well (and I picked the ring). I just knew I would never marry someone who didn’t believe those decisions should be made together. Now, he is really happy we did it the way we did, and he says he feels proud that I put so much thinking into the decisions we make in our lives, that I analyse things and think them through, that I feel concerned and that I want to participate. He is happy I didn’t give up after the first discussion lol But I know it is not for everybody. But for me, a relationship in which I’m allowed to give my opinion and that it is given more value than other people’s opinion is the most important thing ever. I’m the on marrying him! I want to know what is going on with my life! And of course, he is included and can voice his opinions in my decisions, including anything wedding related ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 33
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

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    @aithinne:  I have to add (i always forget something lol) that my SO is very enthusiastic about the swedish tradition of walking down the aisle together (instead of me walking to him), and that is what we are going to do!! ๐Ÿ™‚ (By the way, I’m not Swedish lol I’m French Canadian, but we read about that tradition and he loves it!)

    Post # 34
    Member
    497 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I don’t like the idea of reminding someone to ask you to marry them. I think pressure tactics and guilt are the worst way to approach this situation.

    Post # 35
    Member
    746 posts
    Busy bee

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    @MrsPanda99:  Wow, thanks!  ๐Ÿ™‚

    I always take note of your posts and think, what a thoughtful post……we must be bee twins!    ๐Ÿ˜‰  I know how silly that probably sounds lol

    Post # 36
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee

    I would bring it up. You don’t want to hold onto this feeling for another month before you talk about it, as holding feelings inside like that never helps.

    Post # 37
    Member
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You told him not to propose and he didn’t and now you’re upset?! That’s not very fair! Just talk to him about what the updated timeline might be. He doesn’t have to say when exactly but can give you a general idea – ie. It will happen by the end of the year.

    Post # 38
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee

    I get the frustration. My boyfriend tells me “we’ll be engaged by (a particular date that’s meaningful to us)” and talks about our wedding and my ring in front of other people often, but if I ever mention it he gets upset and says “I want it to be on my terms and a surprise and don’t pressure me”. Mind you his idea of pressure is me saying anything about it, he talks about it all the time, but I learned I just have to not say a word. At all. Ever. LOL. And I also understand being disappointed, my birthday is in November and he’s taking me away and he already said we aren’t going to get engaged but I am sure I will still be disappointed, even though he told me we won’t (and he’s not the type to say something to throw me off, he’s just not like that). It’s hard when we go by what they say and pick up cues from them and then get a little disappointed. I get it, you’re just excited. Try to be patient and try to hold your tongue.

    I don’t think this is one of those times where you should communicate it and talk about your disappointment, because he’ll just see it as pressure. Normally I am 100000% on board with talk to him about what’s bothering you but not in the case of a proposal. If you’re sure you want to marry him, and you’re sure he wants to marry you, then you have a lifetime together. It will be worth the wait. For me, I just had to feel certain he did want to get married, as soon as I was confident in that, I don’t mind waiting anymore. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

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    @Countant819:  Ouch. Sorry girl. Good for you for FINALLY saying something. Now you know where you stand…from here on out refuse to “shut it up”. Say what you need to say when you want to say it…it’s empowering.

    Post # 41
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I don’t think what you’re saying is unreasonable. It is kinda ridiculous for him to expect you to up and move again, transfer jobs again and be fine with following his career around where ever it may go if he is un-willing to marry you. He’s asking you to do something wives do… not girlfriends. He’s asking you to sacrifice a lot. 

     

    The whole thing about other people marriages sounds like a cop out. His sister’s relationship is not yours. 

     

    Unless your working part-time in a non-career position and he’s bring home all of the bacon, I say you stick to your guns on this one. 

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    625 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

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    @Countant819:  My thing is this….

    You sacrificed before, now he may have to sacrifice by loosing out on a promotion this time or marrying you. His choice. If he isn’t willing to do either then you should really question how committed he is verses how committed you are. 

    You may decided that you’re willing to wait for marriage but not move again, is he willing to loose you over a promotion? These are things you should know before moving forward anyway because there needs to be a collective decision made about the direction of your relationship and where you will live and you need to know where you stand.

    That’s not an ultimatum, that’s deciding what works for you. 

     

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