Backed out of expensive bachelorette trip — everyone is mad at me

posted 3 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
9833 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Why are you letting people treat you like this?

Post # 3
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Tennessee

You are being very reasonable. Almost way too reasonable. Those sound like they aren’t very good friends. They sound like some selfish high school mean girls. I think your decision to move out of the city was a good one. Time to make new friends. Sorry bee, they just have unreasonable expectations. Just my opinion though 

Post # 4
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

You’re not being unreasonable in the slightest.  Weddings make people lose their minds and it’s clear that the bridal party you’re a part of has done just that.  You should never feel bad for having a budget – don’t let people hammer you for that.  If they want to be terrible about it then so be it, but you’ve done nothing wrong here.

My bridesmaids asked if I wanted to do a destination bach party, and while I would have LOVED to have done that, I know only one of my bridesmaids (out of 3) could have comfortably afforded it.  So we decided to stay local and we’ll have a blast regardless of the fact that we’re not on a cruise or something.  I don’t get why people think basic consideration of others goes out the window when a bride is in proximity.

Post # 5
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee

These women are not your real friends, they don’t care about you, they care about what you can do for them and when you’re not towing the line (like now) they will turn on you. I’ve had a few “friends” like this in the past, they don’t care about you, they only care about how you benefit them I.e. splitting the cost of bills, doing what they want and being at their beck and call. If you really needed them or you couldn’t do what they wanted (like now) watch them turn on and abandon you.

If I were you I would make the decision to end these “friendships” and gracefully pull out of the wedding, you’re better off alone than with fake friends like this, trust me. 

Post # 6
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

These people are in their mid/late 30s??? This sounds like the behavior of a 22 year old who wants her princess day! I would bow out of the whole thing at this point, that’s ridiculous.

Post # 7
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

lilredwriter :  is this real? Can people really be like this? 

I would have nothing to do with them. You are too kind to plan on continuing. 

Post # 8
Member
4058 posts
Honey bee

This is ridiculous. I’d rather have no friends than friends like these. These stupid pre-wedding events are out of control.  For many people they are a huge imposition and nothing but an excuse for the bride to spend other people’s money on her gratification.  I would never subject a true friend to this crap. 

Post # 9
Member
1539 posts
Bumble bee

You’ve been more than accommodating. Too accommodating to be honest. You let them know from the get go that you weren’t their personal piggy bank for this party, so they should not be so surprised that you finally screamed uncle. You did nothing wrong. They are all being assholes, to put it mildly. 

Post # 10
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

I find it incredibly nervy for a bride to expect a destination bachelorette at others’ expense. 

And your other friends don’t sound any better,  they have no business continually hitting you up for more and more $$$ for pre-wedding events that have gotten out of hand and they certainly have no business getting pissy or trying to guilt you into going along with their plans.

IMO real friends don’t do this shit to the people they care about. 

And you not even getting a +1 is just the icing on the Shitty Entitled Friends cake. 

Post # 11
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

lilredwriter :  you need to not only ditch the bach party but back out of this wedding like yesterday… I would not even go as a guest this girl and her friends are complete assholes and if you continue downthis road you will end up being broke without so much as a thank you.

 

Post # 12
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

It shouldn’t cost that much to be in a wedding party. The fact that the bride and Maid/Matron of Honor are willing to spend beyond their means doesn’t mean you should. What should make you feel bad would be wasting a ton of money you don’t have on things you don’t want, don’t feel bad about backing out.

Post # 13
Member
2830 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

lilredwriter :  be done with this.  Try to get refunds on what you paid/bought. These are not friends.  I’m sorry. 

Post # 14
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I didn’t even need to read the whole thing to know that you need to not be a part of this wedding. They are behaving so poorly and are elbow deep in your wallet and this point. I would absolutely back way the hell out of this. It doesn’t cost money to maintain friendships and it seems like they’re putting friendship on the bill they’re trying to stick you with.

I would ditch all those girls. 

Post # 15
Member
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

You shouldn’t have kept agreeing to these things in the first place. You need to learn to say no. You’re not doing anyone any favours by reluctantly agreeing to things only to drop out later.

At this point I would drop out of the whole wedding and withdraw from this friendship. The bride needs to learn that you’re not an ATM. Just walk away before you waste even more money and develop even more resentment.

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