Post # 16
The bridesmaids AND bride don’t sound like they’re real friends. They sound selfish and demanding and cruel. I’d bow out of the wedding entirely if I were you. I don’t think it’s worth being treated this way. Sorry you’re going through this 🙁
Post # 17
These people are terrible friends!! Holy cow!!
You should run as fast as you can away from this situation, don’t go to the wedding and ditch these “friends” who literally don’t care about you or your financial well-being at all.
Post # 18
Fuck these people. Ditch the plans and don’t look back.
Post # 19
MiniMeow : ‘elbow deep in your wallet’
I’m stealing this for future use 🙂
This unfortunate trend of over the top pre-wedding events is going to have more and more people not wanting to be in wedding parties.
Post # 20
Yeah, no. If you made any mistake it’s not backing out sooner. I 100% agree these are not your real friends. I was an anxious bride, I hated almost everything about wedding planning, still I cannot get behind the notion that you get to give this behavior a pass because someone is planning a wedding. I hate when people act like being a bride is a acceptable reason to treat people poorly as if someone someone magically cannot control their behavior. If anything it seems to bring out the ugly part that is already inside some people.
Post # 21
You need to bow out, yesterday. Sorry but this situation will not get any better if you keep pushing through, there will be more unexpected expenses. From what you’re telling us of the bride and Maid/Matron of Honor I would definitely be willing to loose their friendships if their priorities are based on money and not their friends feelings. You’ve been extremely open about expenses and they have barreled right over you this entire time.
also, $200+$400+$400 for a bridal shower is insane
Post # 22
Thank you everyone! You’re all so kind. I was prepared to hear that this is the norm and I’m being a bad friend. But I do own the fact that I DID agree to it, even though I was heavily pressured. I did say yes and then back out — although I backed out because I had no choice. I planned to go all along and up until I had to cough up $4,500 right before the trip. I was planning to board my dogs and pay someone locally to look in on my animals here. All more expenses of course and not something I would be comfortable doing — but I was still going to do it. I do need to learn to just say no and deal with the fall-out early on. It is sad because it’s an end of an era. We’ve had great times together and I thought we’d all always be friends. Now I’m seeing that those frienships held together only because I was able to contribute and live my life in a way they approve of. I just would feel bad about backing out of the wedding and leaving her with an odd number of bridesmaids. But I also don’t want to go at all and it will be extremely awkward. I think this wedding just went to her head. She comes from a working class family without much money — her family isn’t helping out at all with any of the costs — and she’s marrying a guy with a little money. They took two trips recently — one to Hawaii and one to Thailand/Singapore, which just added salt to the wound that I’m pinching pennies to pay for her dream bachelorette trip while she’s trapsing around the world. I would just never put this kind of burden on my friends.
Post # 23
lilredwriter : I’m going to call you Lilred doormat.
1. Stop letting people who treat you like shit take all your money. These aren’t your friends they’re frenemies without the f. Btw stop letting people treat you like shit.
2. Learn how to stand up for yourself and realize “NO” actually means NO….. not “weeeellll okay”.
3. Get some new friends….observe how caring, helpful and empathetic they are B4 calling them your friend.
Post # 24
When did I turn my back and the world of weddings become so insane?
Apparently, the are multitudes upon multitudes of brides out there all wanting to live through their own Reality TV IRL, where they are the ultimate star. Everyone associated with her needs to cater to her every whim and desire no matter what the financial cost ( which somehow has become extraordinarily excessive) or time demands.
All thought and consideration for people these brides call ‘friends” with goes out the window and it’s ME, ME, ME and a huge sense of entitlement reigns supreme.
For the love of Mike, you are just getting married. You haven’t discovered the cure for cancer.
OP, Do what you need to do to save your sanity. This is not a friend.
Post # 25
lilredwriter : it doesn’t matter what background she’s from, blah blah blah. You don’t ask people to spend that kind of money on you because you make a life decision to get married.
You need to stop, now. You can travel to destinations of your choice, with that kind money.
Post # 26
I could only get to the part about her requesting a themed bridal shower.
No. Just no.
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
If I were you, I would drop out and cut my losses. See if you can at least change your flight for a fee to use the ticket for a trip of your choosing at a later date. Throw yourself a one day pity party with some good ice cream over the loss of what you believed were good friendships and the next day be thankful that you that you no longer have to deal with these awful selfish people. It sucks that it played out this way and yeah you should have found your spine a little earlier instead of agreeing to things and leaving them in the lurch, but just being done with the wedding and these people sounds like the best possible outcome at this point.
Post # 27
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
First of all, as others have stated, these people are not your friends. Friends would understand your situation and reluctance to do/buy things due to financial constraints. Friends would respect your “No” instead of pushing you to say “Yes” against your better judgement. What you’re describing aren’t friends, and quite frankly they sound like a group of narcissists. Don’t give them a pass on this behavior just because it’s happening over a wedding. They are showing you their true colors. Believe them.
Second, your reasons for not being able to swing all these things is, quite frankly, none of their business. You shouldn’t feel the need to explain WHY you can’t afford something, because your finances are not anyone’s business but your own. A simple “Sorry, but I can’t fit that in my budget right now” is enough information.
And, third, I agree that you should pull out of this wedding. So what if the bride has an odd number of people in her group? Maybe she should learn how to be a decent human being and an actual friend to people, and she wouldn’t end up in situations like that. The fact that you feel bad about pulling out of the wedding tells me you still feel somehow responsible for her (and MOH’s) feelings. You ARE NOT responsible for anyone else’s feelings, and you don’t need to own them.
Bee, it’s time to start putting your own needs and feelings first. You don’t want to go to this wedding, especially in light of all this destination bachelorette and bridal shower drama. So don’t, and say so. Tell them that, not only will you not be attending the bachelorette stuff, you’ve also decided you are no longer comfortable being a bridesmaid or attending this wedding at all, after the way you’ve been treated.
Stop protecting everyone’s feelings but your own.
Post # 28
- Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK
Wow. Sorry, bee, these are terrible friends! I don’t think you should even bother going to the wedding. So what if she ends up with uneven bridesmaids? That’s not a big deal, and imo, not a good enough reason to put yourself through it. If even bridesmaids is so important to her, then she should have made sure she and the Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t treat the bridesmaids like shit.
Post # 29
This Maid/Matron of Honor sounds like a disaster and the bride sounds like a piece of work. Honestly, I would be ending this friendship. What value do these people bring to your life?
Post # 30
- Wedding: July 2020 - Ireland
I’d back out today. The bride can fuck right off with her uneven bridal party!