Backed out of expensive bachelorette trip — everyone is mad at me

posted 3 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
168 posts
Blushing bee

lilredwriter :  get your floors girl! and screw these friends.. life is to short to have garbage like this in your life

Post # 47
470 posts
Helper bee

Ugh….argh….so many things!!

Basically: Your friends suck, you’re the good one here, fuck ’em. Let them stew over this if that’s what they’re determined to do. And thank your lucky stars that your priorities are in order. These women’s are seriously out of whack. My experience has been that people really show you who they are when they plan a wedding. I’m sorry they have ended up disappointing you so enormously.

And I’m a former city girl, now farmer myself, so the whole, “all you ever talk about is your farm” comment really cheesed me off. It’s like someone saying “all you ever talk about is your life”. My city friends support my choices because that’s what friends do. And because I keep them stocked in homemade pickles 🙂

Post # 48
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

After reading this, I only have one question…why are you even going to be in the wedding. I would dip out of it all and just say that you will attend as a guest (if at all) 

Post # 51
66 posts
Worker bee

It really sounds like you’ve outgrown this friendship. 

Think about it without any of the wedding stuff getting in the way. These girls gossip and complain when they are with you and seem to place a lot of importance on instagram worthy social events. They seem disinterested in your farm, house and animals. 

I know you said that you have had good memories with them but that doesn’t mean that the friendship needs to last forever. 

Everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season or forever. It sounds like these friendships were good for a seaon. Time to move on. 

Post # 52
470 posts
Helper bee

lilredwriter :  Seriously? An intervention? Because you….aren’t living a life of empty consumerism and social media posturing? Because you’re self-sufficient and doing something that is meaningful to you? Because you live so far away from what she considers to be civilization? Bitch needs a hobby. Aside from policing other people’s life choices. 

You need to find yourself some farm girls to hang out with!

Post # 53
1102 posts
Bumble bee

This wedding has turned into a fucking circus. This really disgusts me.

What ever happened to just having a little night on the town for a bachelorette? Or a small intimate luncheon for a shower? Why is everything so OTT and extravagant and frankly, fucking overdone and ridiculous?(even though the extravagance doesn’t match most of these people’s lifestyles)

Sorry for the rant. I’m just so tired of these destination bachlorette, themed bridal showers that are unrealistic and ridiculous when people are subjected to this forced extravagance just because they are standing up in a wedding. It’s so selfish.

It’s one thing if everyone can afford it and everyone wants to go all out. But that’s not the case here. 

Please drop out. Wash your hands of all of this. There is no fixing a friendship like this with any of those toxic people

This is soooo not worth it. You need to end this for your own sanity

Post # 54
327 posts
Helper bee

Let me tell you what unreasonable is to me: when I was getting married, some of my “friends” gave me the bridezilla speech because I offered them a list of 35 bridesmaid dresses to choose from, all costs on me including their accessories and hair and makeup (basically any expenses related to the wedding party were on me), but somehow I was too demanding. That’s being unreasonable and a diva.

You, on the other hand, are treated like an ATM and should have backed out long ago. Nobody should ever have to spend money they’re not comfortable spending on something as shallow as a wedding (don’t get me wrong, marriage is important but everything around it is just a party). Try to get a refund on everything you can, maybe get some airline credits from your ticket, and lose those people. They are not worth it.

Post # 55
436 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry your friends are treating you so poorly, bee. That’s a really painful situation and my heart goes out to you. I would still attend the wedding and then part ways with them after, if only out of respect for your ten years of friendship. I know how such a long time can make one overlook even the worst behavior, so I can see how you got roped into this mess.

Post # 56
4042 posts
Honey bee

neverbeenstungbee :  You sound exactly like me. Why can’t this nonsense go away? I think the problem is that these women want to live a Kardashian-style life and the wedding is where they start (right after the 700 selfies they’ve posted, of course).

It’s all about self-absorption and entitlement. 

Post # 57
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with the previous posters. You are being way too reasonable and tolerant here. Why let toxic people run your life like this? Life is way too short for “friends” such as yours. Get a refund for whatever you can, then bow out of the wedding altogether. There’s absolutely no reason why you should have to go into debt for someone else’s wedding. 

Post # 58
923 posts
Busy bee

Cut your losses and bow out. Who cares if she’s left with a “uneven” bridal party? She’s so shallow she’ll probably replace you in 2 seconds with some random so her sides are even.  Because clearly this crew is more into appearances than caring about one another. 


I would bet you $1000 that if you go through this and stay in the wedding that you’ll never hear from any of them again after the wedding.  Some friendships are only meant for a stage of life. You are obviously not in the same stage as they are anymore – and that’s ok. The sooner you stop wasting time, energy, and money on these so-called friendships, the sooner you can open yourself up to finding new ones.

Post # 59
3277 posts
Sugar bee


Post # 60
8320 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

And I’m with all the others. Yes perhaps you shouldn’t have agreed to stuff in the first place, but you did and for good reasons (friendship ). Now put an end to it, back out of everything. Send an email saying that you have reluctantly to withdraw from attending or planning or participating in anything more than you have already done, and, with regret this includes withdrawing from the wedding itself. Mention that you are sure they must be aware that you are in a financial crisis and must attend to this , which is not possible unless you withdraw from further activities . 

I guess you could add apologies for inconvenience , tho l would be inclined not to. 

lilredwriter :  

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