- 1 month ago
- Wedding: June 2019
Saw this today, and it reminded me of this thread.
I know they were your friends before, and you wanted them to realize how they were hurting you so they would stop. You felt like if you played nice and went along, they would realize you care and stop acting the way they are acting. But instead, they showed you that they are only concerned with themselves.
I am sorry that you had such a terrible time at the wedding. I’m sorry that you spent money to get your hair and makeup done, only to be given the cold shoulder all day. I’m sorry you hung out, alone, because your friend wouldn’t let you bring your partner, because you felt obligated to stick around, and that you had to watch all the partners that were allowed to come as they enjoyed themselves. I’m sorry you pushed yourself to the point of physical illness, not because you wanted to, but because you felt you were obligated to, so that no one could say you didn’t make every effort.
It’s ok to be selfish sometimes. In fact, as you have now seen, if you don’t put yourself first, no one will. This doesn’t mean it’s ok to knowingly hurt others for your own gain (as your friends did). But it means it’s ok to say “I’m happy for you, but I get to decide how I show my happiness for you. I dictate how much of my money I will spend, what I will do, where I will sleep, and how I will spend my time.”
Please stop trying to “be the better person” here. These people don’t care that you are doing so, in fact, they are using it against you. Everyone here is telling you that asking you to pay for a trip you didn’t go on, when you politely informed them ahead of time that you could not and would not attend, is bananas. She doesn’t care that it’s a ridiculous request, she cares that if she harasses you enough, she will get $500 out of you, AND you will feel like shit.
You already sacrificed way too much for these ungrateful people. You could have stayed home and saved your money and energy for what you love. You could have had a nice evening taking care of yourself and spending time with a guy who does care about you and wants you to be happy too. You did all this because you didn’t want to hurt anyone or be “the bad guy”.
Another quote I read said “she was a giver, always poured too much of love. Never realized watering a rock doesn’t make it soft”. No matter how much you try, these people are rocks. Go find a plant to water- your boyfriend, new friends, your unborn child, yourself. You have wasted time and energy, we are begging you not to give away your hard-earned money now. Tell her no, block, delete, cut out the toxic people who don’t care for you, and thrive.
We’re cheering for ya.