(Closed) backing down

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
24 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  bridget2727.
Post # 3
1034 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My story is a bit different than yours but it might help. I got pregnant fairly easily last year after coming off of the pill, but found out at 9-10 weeks that the baby didn’t make it past 6 weeks. That was in August. We were told we could try again right away (after 1 cycle) and had every intention to. As our new TTC cycle was approaching, I realized I was a mess, certainly in no position to be somebody’s mother. I had been gaining weight from stress-eating and being very lazy due to being depressed. I was a nervous wreck about what-ifs and still grieving my loss. As hard as it was to tell Darling Husband I wasn’t ready, I had to. I could tell he was crushed but he understood. We waited 3 months. The new plan was to start TTC this month (January). In the mean time, I ate healthy, exercised and lost 16 lbs, bringing me super close to my goal/skinny wedding weight. We focused on our marriage and spending as much time together as possible.

Our prevention method? Very high school. Pulling out. We tried condoms, which we hadn’t used in years because I was on the pill, and I cried at the reminder of preventing a baby that I want so badly. At the end of December, I told my husband in the heat of the moment (but with a clear head) not to pull out. I thought I might be past my fertile window anyway (unsure as my cycles were a bit unpredictable after my mc) and if I wasn’t, that was ok too. I’m now 7 weeks pregnant and praying I get to meet this one. Bottom line: Please try not to let this all rule your life. That was the mistake I made. Don’t lose sight of yourself and your marriage. I briefly looked at your posts and it looks like you’re fairly new to this (sorry if I’m wrong). It’s perfectly normal for this to take time. But maybe a break to regroup is just what you need. I got pregnant this time when trying was an afterthought, and I firmly believe the laid-back approach helped. Good luck.


Post # 4
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We tried for a year and a half and sometimes it got so stressful I just wanted to stop. But we never started preventing again, we just would shift our focus to other things. Eating healthy, exercising more, doing fun things. We did try pulling out once or twice but we weren’t very good at being consistent with that. But we would’ve been thrilled to be pregnant so we weren’t worrying about it. I finally am ready to pop with our first child and it was all worth it.

Post # 5
11050 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

sherryberry: I backed down almost a year ago as I couldn’t take anymore of the; hope, anxiety and frustration. I kind of regret that now as 9 months down the line we’re trying again but I’m not getting any younger.

Post # 7
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

sherryberry:  Sounds like you have a lot of really great things going on 🙂 Why not NTNP for a bit while you work on everything? It might end up in a wonderful surprise one of these months. 

Post # 9
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with the suggestion to NTNP for awhile.

Darling Husband and I are NTNP for a few months to ease into TTC, rather than temping and charting and timing right from the start.  Which has turned out to be a good thing since a lot of stressful work & family stuff just got dumped on us the last few weeks.  The added stress of TTC might’ve been too much.

Post # 11
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We had been TTC for 10 months and from about 6 months onward I was getting panicky, crying every month, SUPER stressed, couldn’t even look at pregnancy announcements or ultrasounds so I really pushed for a referral to the hospital (I am in the UK so we use the NHS) so in May last year Darling Husband did a semen analysis and I went to have some irregular bleeding checked and also to discuss fertility. DH’s semen analysis results were mostly normal (I actually made a thread on here on about them) and I had to have a uterine biopsy and an internal examination. Well the examination was FINE! But the biopsy was horrendous. I was in SO much pain and bled for days. I think I was about CD9 when I had it done, and I did take OPK tests just to see if I ovulated that month because I thought my hormones were probably messed up. I had none of the usual ovulation symptoms but I did get a positive OPK. But I was still bleeding and feeling super sore and we only BDed twice that month and both times, it was because we actually wanted to, rather than me getting a positive OPK and yelling ‘pants off!!!’ to Darling Husband. The previous month I’d been late for AF and got myself excited so when I was late again I didn’t expect anything..I was actually pregnant with twins!! We found out at 8 weeks that one of the twins had passed away, but I am currently 39+3 with a healthy baby boy! It was the one month we weren’t trying that we actually got pregnant. Sometimes, and I don’t know why, it just takes certain people longer. There’s no reason we didn’t get pregnant on the first cycle trying, than we did on the eleventh, it really was just one of those things. I used to get so mad when people said this, but just letting go of the TTC thing and having sex because it’s fun was so much better for us than anything else. Charting, temping, OPKs are all brilliant if they don’t stress you out – but for me they caused sleepless nights and unnecessary worrying. I wish you lots of luck! Take care of yourself and try to enjoy sex and see what happens 🙂

Post # 12
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

In case you feel regret later at possibly ‘wasting time’ by actively preventing, I really think you should NTNP. Lay off charting, temping, OPK kits, timing sex, the lot. Just let sex become for the purpose of pleasure between husband and wife again as opposed to making a baby, and if it happens anyway, great, if it doesn’t, that’s great too.

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