(Closed) Backing out MOH?!?! What the heck?! HELP!

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Welcome Miss Disney!!!  Im so sorry to hear about your situation!  Have you called your Maid/Matron of Honor to talk to her since you got the RSVP?  I would call and see whats up, though I agree with your feeling of never wanting to speak to her again.  Dont fight but explain to her how upset you are she wont be there.  Maybe she can come without her Boyfriend or Best Friend and his kids?

Post # 4
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

are you serious?  that’s horrible.  have you called her?  how could she not be coming?  i would be furious… she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s telling you that she’s not coming through your rsvp card- that’s just insane!  i am so sorry.

Post # 5
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Umm, you have every right to feel upset and quite frankly, POed about it! My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister, and if her RSVP was "no" I’d be furious.

I would call her just to hear her explanation, but honestly, now you know what kind of a friend she is abd I personally probably wouln’t be putting too much effort into the friendship beyond this point. But that’s just me 🙂

It’s not even that she can’t come. Things happen (even though I’m totally in agreement that you gave these girls plenty of time to clear their schedules!), and you can’t control people’s lives. It’s the fact that she didn’t CALL YOU FIRST to break the news in person or on the phone.

My goodness!

Post # 6
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, I’m so sorry this happened to you!  You have every right to be upset, I’m susprirsed she handled things like this.  You would think that she would have called you to tell you that she was stepping down, but I guess maybe she thought it would be easier to let you know this way?

If I were you, I’d try to talk to her about it.  Explain that you were surprised to see that she RSVPed no, seeing as you thought she was your Maid/Matron of Honor.  Let her know how you feel and see what her reasoning is about not attending.  

Good luck and let us know how it goes if you try to talk to her.

Post # 7
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

A maid of honor or bridesmaid needs to back out of a weddding in person or on the phone.  I would be inclined to drop it, since any honorable person would have done at least that much (and had a really good reason for dropping out).  If it were me, I would ignore her until I got a genuine, heartfelt apology.  It sounds like she is making a lot of questionable decisions, and maybe when she matures she will realize how disrespectful her actions were.  If it would help you deal with your anger, you can call her to tell her how you feel.  But she isnt going to be able to offer you anything more than an insincere apology (anyone who was genuinly regretful would never have handled the situation this way) so you should only call or email if it will help you deal with your feelings.   

Post # 9
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Well it sounds as though she cannot afford to come, which is not her fault.  The way she went about the whole thing was terrible though.  SHe should have been honest with you.

Post # 10
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Wow…you have every right to be upset.  I totally understand you being hurt but not angry.  She should have come forward…what she did was cowardly!

Post # 12
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

What she did is not ok. I don’t see how anyone can think that sending an RSVP with "no" checked when you are the Maid/Matron of Honor is the right way to handle this. Regardless of her reasons and if they are valid, how she did it and not thinking about how you would feel was not something anyone, let alone a close friend, should do. You are better off without her in your wedding.

That being said, it sounds like this guy is not good for her and may be influencing the way she is making decisions. Not an excuse, but if she does get out of this relationship (hopefully soon!) and comes to you and apologizes, I think it would be very kind of you to consider these things. I have known many girls who were in relationships and totally forgot their friends even existed and were totally flakey. Once they got out and came crawling back to us, we gladly accepted them but did talk to them about their actions. I hope things work out for the best for you!

Oh, and welcome to Weddingbee!

Post # 13
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

WOW, your friend is a piece of work! If you gave everyone enough notice, I don’t see any reason why a Destination Wedding isn’t doable. If she wasn’t going to be able to come, she should have said that from the start. If I were to guess, the boyfriend is the reason she’s not coming, sounds like she’s "kept" so he can tell her what she can do.

Post # 14
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Sounds like your ex-MOH’s guy is bad news. The fact that she would tell you that your wedding is inconveniencing her 4 month long relationship with this guy is just so wack and beyond acceptable that it’s clear to me she’s entering into some sort of emotionally unhealthy relationship with this man. She’s quit her job to be "kept" (whatever the ef that means), she’s destroying her relationships with friends, she’s wrapped up in her own little world with this guy and believe me I’ve seen this happen before and it’s going nowhere good. For now, you are better off without her and I’m glad you’ve moved on, but I can see in the future her coming crawling back when she realizes the ridiculous choices she has made and you might consider at some point (NOT now – do not talk to this girl right now!) giving her a second chance. She’s not in her right mind right now. She never would have done that to you or said those things if she was.

Post # 15
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’m so sorry…I’m having Maid/Matron of Honor issues (though at least she’s attending!), so I completely understand how upsetting it can be.

One thing you might consider is that it sounds like she’s in a pretty unhealthy relationship with someone who sounds very controlling.  In the end it’s her life, but it sounds like her actions have little to do with her feelings for you.  

I completely understand if you don’t want to continue to put a lot of effort into this friendship, but maybe thinking of it that way will help it hurt less.  I know I feel better recognizing that most of what’s going on with my Maid/Matron of Honor is really about her issues.  She cares about me as much as she’s capable of caring about anyone right now…sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor is in a similar place.

Post # 16
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

That is INSANE

My Bridesmaid or Best Man dropped out and I don’t think she is even coming. But atleast we got in a big fight and I know why

To just send back the card like that is TACKY

Is it possible that she just checked the wrong box????   here’s hoping! 😉

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