Post # 1
This is my first official post to the hive. I am so excited! I have subscribed to the blog for about a year through googlereader and decided to finally join myself!! So yay for my first post ever!
I asked my bridesmaids/MOH to be a part of my wedding within the month that I was engaged (may 2008) I finally set a date and decided on location in October..we picked to do a destination cruise wedding through Disney Cruise Line. Now please keep in mind this gave all of my ladies plenty of time to say "thats not going to be good for me because of work/money/timing ect" long before the wedding (november 2009)–RSVPs went out to guests 1 year prior to the date….
Everyone also lives in Florida which is where the cruise will leave from while I am in texas so there is no flight or hotel costs that they would be needing just the $400 per person 4 night cruise….and PS I am not even asking them to buy a bridesmaids dress!! Just wear either a blue or yellow sundress to match flowers.
I would say thats a pretty easy going bride right?! Or is that just me???
Now in late October my Maid/Matron of Honor came to Texas with my mom and helped to pick out my dress…still she was excited and ready to come and help.
I kept in touch with all the maids but since there wasnt much that was needed to be planned until around now there wasnt much I needed help with. I called to talk to my Maid/Matron of Honor about 2 months ago and she mentioned that her now live in Boyfriend or Best Friend (who is 20+ years her senior) has a new project he is working on and she didnt know if he and his 2 children would be able to come…never mentioning if she would not be coming or not…
RSVPs were due July 1st….I didnt expect a lot of people to attend (those who are out of town or getting married themselves or something like that new jobs/lost jobs ect)….but low and behold I get the RSVP card on July 3rd from my Maid/Matron of Honor with a check in the will not be attending box…..no call no email nothing just a NO…
What the heck?! Is it wrong of me to think this is awful and never want to speak with her again?!?! HELP!!!
Post # 3
Welcome Miss Disney!!! Im so sorry to hear about your situation! Have you called your Maid/Matron of Honor to talk to her since you got the RSVP? I would call and see whats up, though I agree with your feeling of never wanting to speak to her again. Dont fight but explain to her how upset you are she wont be there. Maybe she can come without her Boyfriend or Best Friend and his kids?
Post # 4
are you serious? that’s horrible. have you called her? how could she not be coming? i would be furious… she’s your Maid/Matron of Honor and she’s telling you that she’s not coming through your rsvp card- that’s just insane! i am so sorry.
Post # 5
Umm, you have every right to feel upset and quite frankly, POed about it! My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister, and if her RSVP was "no" I’d be furious.
I would call her just to hear her explanation, but honestly, now you know what kind of a friend she is abd I personally probably wouln’t be putting too much effort into the friendship beyond this point. But that’s just me 🙂
It’s not even that she can’t come. Things happen (even though I’m totally in agreement that you gave these girls plenty of time to clear their schedules!), and you can’t control people’s lives. It’s the fact that she didn’t CALL YOU FIRST to break the news in person or on the phone.
Post # 6
Wow, I’m so sorry this happened to you! You have every right to be upset, I’m susprirsed she handled things like this. You would think that she would have called you to tell you that she was stepping down, but I guess maybe she thought it would be easier to let you know this way?
If I were you, I’d try to talk to her about it. Explain that you were surprised to see that she RSVPed no, seeing as you thought she was your Maid/Matron of Honor. Let her know how you feel and see what her reasoning is about not attending.
Good luck and let us know how it goes if you try to talk to her.
Post # 7
A maid of honor or bridesmaid needs to back out of a weddding in person or on the phone. I would be inclined to drop it, since any honorable person would have done at least that much (and had a really good reason for dropping out). If it were me, I would ignore her until I got a genuine, heartfelt apology. It sounds like she is making a lot of questionable decisions, and maybe when she matures she will realize how disrespectful her actions were. If it would help you deal with your anger, you can call her to tell her how you feel. But she isnt going to be able to offer you anything more than an insincere apology (anyone who was genuinly regretful would never have handled the situation this way) so you should only call or email if it will help you deal with your feelings.
Post # 8
Ladies…thank you for your thoughts/comments….Now that you have some "Back story" let me tell you about my next steps I tired to take….
First off of course I call the rest of the maids and completely freaked out! They agreed with you that I have every right to be increadibly upset…one (actually my fiance’s best friend who is one of my bridemaids)–please keep in mind all 4 –well now 3 of my attendants were sorority sisters as well…one of the maids called and freaked out on her about it (without influence of me) about all of it even the fact that the RSVP was late getting back to me!
I tried to call/email/text/facebook message EVERYTHING and she will not get back to me….then last week I get a message via facebook…more or less saying-well I explained that (Insert bf or rather man friend’s name) was starting a new project for his company….and since I quite my job and I’m helping him with things I dont have the money and I cant come had he been willing/able to come I would have been there but since we have been dating the last 4 months and stuff I just think that my relationship is just really important right now and "you wedding’s timing just doesnt work out with our plans".
What does that mean?! I have no idea. Over the past couple of weeks a couple other sorority sisters who still live in FL have met this "man" and say hes awful, and ruining the person she is/was and completely taking advantage of her people have tried to reason with her but nothing changes….
Needless to say we aren’t on speaking terms. Im not upset anymore but just hurt and as my fiance said "things happen for a reason" 2 of my maids are both increadibly important to me and rather than making one Maid/Matron of Honor and not the other in the beginning they actually suggested being "just maids" clearly they have BOTH been promoted to MOHs and I am so confident in my choice…I should have made it that way much sooner!
At least I’m not a crazy bridezilla for thinking the way I was….thanks!
Post # 9
Well it sounds as though she cannot afford to come, which is not her fault. The way she went about the whole thing was terrible though. SHe should have been honest with you.
Post # 10
Wow…you have every right to be upset. I totally understand you being hurt but not angry. She should have come forward…what she did was cowardly!
Post # 11
I know that money is not something that can be "helped" but in this individual’s situation its not like she lost her job, or didnt know for a year now that she would have been able to put away $50 a month to come to our wedding….she quite her job because she just "doesnt want to work" and her Boyfriend or Best Friend is "keeping her" and giving her a monthly allowance–and her parents still pay all of her bills and she has no rent….so definatly her own choice to not "have the money"….
I mean is it too much to ask for a bridal party to pay $400 (keep in mind they are getting a 5 day vacation and aren’t being asked for gifts or to purchase a tux/bridesmaid gown) to be a part of a wedding? Is that where me and my soon to be went wrong?
Post # 12
What she did is not ok. I don’t see how anyone can think that sending an RSVP with "no" checked when you are the Maid/Matron of Honor is the right way to handle this. Regardless of her reasons and if they are valid, how she did it and not thinking about how you would feel was not something anyone, let alone a close friend, should do. You are better off without her in your wedding.
That being said, it sounds like this guy is not good for her and may be influencing the way she is making decisions. Not an excuse, but if she does get out of this relationship (hopefully soon!) and comes to you and apologizes, I think it would be very kind of you to consider these things. I have known many girls who were in relationships and totally forgot their friends even existed and were totally flakey. Once they got out and came crawling back to us, we gladly accepted them but did talk to them about their actions. I hope things work out for the best for you!
Oh, and welcome to Weddingbee!
Post # 13
WOW, your friend is a piece of work! If you gave everyone enough notice, I don’t see any reason why a Destination Wedding isn’t doable. If she wasn’t going to be able to come, she should have said that from the start. If I were to guess, the boyfriend is the reason she’s not coming, sounds like she’s "kept" so he can tell her what she can do.
Post # 14
Sounds like your ex-MOH’s guy is bad news. The fact that she would tell you that your wedding is inconveniencing her 4 month long relationship with this guy is just so wack and beyond acceptable that it’s clear to me she’s entering into some sort of emotionally unhealthy relationship with this man. She’s quit her job to be "kept" (whatever the ef that means), she’s destroying her relationships with friends, she’s wrapped up in her own little world with this guy and believe me I’ve seen this happen before and it’s going nowhere good. For now, you are better off without her and I’m glad you’ve moved on, but I can see in the future her coming crawling back when she realizes the ridiculous choices she has made and you might consider at some point (NOT now – do not talk to this girl right now!) giving her a second chance. She’s not in her right mind right now. She never would have done that to you or said those things if she was.
Post # 15
I’m so sorry…I’m having Maid/Matron of Honor issues (though at least she’s attending!), so I completely understand how upsetting it can be.
One thing you might consider is that it sounds like she’s in a pretty unhealthy relationship with someone who sounds very controlling. In the end it’s her life, but it sounds like her actions have little to do with her feelings for you.
I completely understand if you don’t want to continue to put a lot of effort into this friendship, but maybe thinking of it that way will help it hurt less. I know I feel better recognizing that most of what’s going on with my Maid/Matron of Honor is really about her issues. She cares about me as much as she’s capable of caring about anyone right now…sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor is in a similar place.
Post # 16
That is INSANE
My Bridesmaid or Best Man dropped out and I don’t think she is even coming. But atleast we got in a big fight and I know why
To just send back the card like that is TACKY
Is it possible that she just checked the wrong box???? here’s hoping! 😉