(Closed) Backing out of best friends wedding reception as MOH

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

This seems really odd.  I think you did what is right.  Hopefully time will show her that it was not proper for her to not allow your spouse to attend. 

Post # 4
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow.  This must be so difficult for you.  I think you did the right thing though.  It wasn’t fair or appropriate of her to not invite your spouse, especially not without discussing it with you and explaining it.  It sounds like she’s being pretty awful about the whole thing and to be honest, she doesn’t sound like much of a friend (if you can’t even get her to discuss things with you!).

I hope everything works out. 

Post # 5
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Im so sorry you are going thru this. I dont think you are being selfish at all! Esp because you offered to pay for him (which is the reason most people dont get 1+’s)

I am only giving people 1+’s who live with there SO or I know there SO. But people who have had a month long relationship? no way

I totally dont understand why your SO couldnt have been invited. esp because of your daughter!

Post # 6
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Can you clarify what you mean by “no ring no bring” rule?  Don’t you have a ring?  I know some people make the rule that only married couples will be invited, but aren’t you married?  You say he’s your spouse, so I don’t understand how that rule would apply to you.

Post # 7
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Oops, double post.

Post # 8
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Everyone has the right to their own guest list…and you definitely have a right to decline if you don’t want that to be the way it is. As someone who had to stick to her guns on guest list issues, I do understand where she was coming from, but I also see your point. You also had the option to not bring your daughter. Perhaps she was having a less kid-friendly wedding, and was hoping that by making it inconvenient to have your daughter there, you would not bring her? Any way you slice it, she should have spoken to you directly and been upfront about the situation. Sorry this is happening!

Post # 9
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Sounds to me like her fiance doesn’t like your spouse. And he sounds really controlling to refuse to put him on the invitation OR to give in after you’ve even offered to pay for him. All the signs point to this – why else would she have disappeared for 2 months? obviously I don’t buy the whole ill mother/weight gain thing b/c you need your bff to get through that. Her fiance said no Mr. Mslipps and that was that.

Because honestly, anyone THAT close to my Darling Husband I would have been OK with inviting to the wedding. Even if I didn’t really care for them.

Post # 9
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m confused too. Usually spouse = husband. If this is your husband then there is no way she could not invite him, that’s just bizarre! 

Post # 11
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, I can’t believe how rude she’s been.  It definately seems odd, especially since she didn’t have a real reason for leaving him out!  I would have done the same thing that you did…  She’ll look back someday and realize she was wrong, it’s just too bad that she doesn’t realize it now.

Post # 13
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This is very weird. Though I do agree it is her wedding and she should stand by her decisions on whom she wants to invite and her +1 rules … this is not a good decision on her part.

If you were asked to be her Maid/Matron of Honor the rules should be bent for you. I am on a budget myself but if someone has been with their SO for a year or longer or lives with them I will give them a +1. And even those in the wedding party I will give them a +1 if they are single but ask for it.

For your case, I would have given you an invite for yourself and partner instead of yourself and your daughter personally if money was a huge factor on managing the invite list.

Im sorry you had to go through this but I believe you did the right thing.

Post # 14
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

sounds like your friends new husband is trying to control her, why else would she dissappear and then be so strange about not inviting your spouse? I think you did the right thing if that helps, and I know this is a tough situation. Hang in there

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