(Closed) backlash from semi-elopment

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
8040 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I guess she feels a bit slighted. We plan on eloping too, and I’d probably tell my 2 best friends before we do it, just as a courtesy.

I think she’ll come around but maybe she thought that somehow you’d include her since she made you Maid/Matron of Honor.

Post # 4
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@glacier_gal:  Nothing to be done about it, although I think being upset is both sad and a little touching…it is your day, but she’s your friend and I would hope her dissapointment stems from wanting to share that with you because she loves you…but I don’t condone ignoring phone calls and e-mails, that’s just a little silly and as an adult she could comport herself as one….maybe when she does come out of her funk a fun post wedding girl date is in order…sorry she’s upset, but you didn’t do anything wrong, so it’s fine to be sorry that she’s upset, but not because you eloped…she’ll come around.

Post # 5
3942 posts
Honey bee

I think it’s normal for her to feel a bit bummed. My sister plans on eloping next year. I am pretty sure it will just be her and her fiance, and maybe one or two family members, but I won’t be invited. I keep reminding myself that it’s her wedding and she can do whatever she wants, but it’s hard for me not to feel sad that I won’t get to participate.

Give your friend a little more time to absorb this.

Post # 6
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Give her time.  If my best friend eloped and then told me later by email. . I’d be very hurt.

Post # 7
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Part of the concept of eloping is that it’s done in secret. Technically it means you’re running away together, never to return, but I guess that definition is long gone. Anyway since it’s done in secret, it’s perfectly normal for anyone not let in on the secret to feel slighted or like their friendship didn’t mean as much to you as they had thought. 

Post # 10
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If my Boyfriend or Best Friend eloped and didn’t call me until 10 days later I would be hurt too.  Eloping with only family and e-mail announcements are fine but my feelings would be really hurt if I didn’t get an excited “I got maried!!!” phone call.  Give it some time and apologize.

Post # 11
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

just for a different perspective: if this was me, and if I was that close of a friend, I would have been annoyed if I got the email and paper announcement before speaking to her. I would have understood that you wanted to elope, though that might have made me a little sad, but I’d feel like hearing the news in the form of a mass email would be worse. if i were you, I would have called her first before sending the mass email out. it’s like when I got engaged: I told a few very clothes friends and family members on the phone before the announcement went on facebook.

Post # 12
6122 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can understand being hurt about not being in the loop about it all, but not being able to talk to the friend and needing some space?  Sounds very grade schoolish to me!


She will hopefully get over it. 

Post # 13
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@finnaroo:  I agree with this.

I would feel hurt if I was in your friend’s shoes – but I think it’s immature that she isn’t speaking to you because of it.  I would swallow my hurt feelings and want to get together to celebrate as soon as possible!

Post # 14
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Penelopeee:  I agree. It’s one thing to elope, that’s personal preference. But I would have expected a phone call afterwards.

If her friendship means something to you, I would call her again. If not, I would just leave the ball in her court.

Post # 15
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@glacier_gal:  I definitely had people upset with us for “eloping.”  We had just our families (and three very close friends) there.  We planned it in 8 days, and it was perfect.  Unfortunately, I let their guilt persuade me into having a larger ceremony next year.  Don’t feel bad.  I totally disagree with @fishbone.  The wedding is, and should be, all about you and your spouse.

Of course, after we eloped, we posted a pic on Facebook to let everyone know.  According to some members of these boards, we’re missing a sensitivity chip. *nonchalant shrug*  

Post # 16
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

My would be Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t talk to me for almost 6 months after we eloped. She did come around and accepted it eventually but I think she is still carrying a grudge. She thinks that if I would dress shop with her and include her in the planning she would have convinced me not to elope. She is a dear friend but is very class conscious and materialistic. I pretty much would be fighting a losing battle since I don’t see any point to weddings, big dresses or expensive anything. “If I can’t take it with me when I die why would I want it now” mentality that I have does not fly with her “you must have the best of everything because of your position” mentality. We agree to disagree..

I did let her know before we eloped, though, as a courtesy heads up. We treated all of our “would be attendants” to dinner and explained to them what we are doing and why.

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