Post # 1
Anyone have a good friend refuse to speak to them after their elopement? We had a tiny immediate family only wedding and didn’t tell anyone it was happening until after it happened. We sent an email annoucnment to friends and paper annoucements via snail mail to family. I was the MOH for the friend in question last summer and she considers me to be her best friend. I called about 10 days after the email announcement went out (and sent her a paper announcement) and its now been 8 days since I left a voicemail. Still no response… I knew she’d be annoyed (and I’ve told her for years she wasn’t going to be invited and that we were going to elope). After all, it was our day to do how we wanted.
A mutual good friend told me that she’d come around eventually (which I guess is true). I am just going to leave it in her court, I’ve called, emailed, and sent her a paper announcement.
Anyone else have this happen? I’ve had one or two relatives disappointed they weren’t invited, but overall everyone has been very happy for us.
Post # 3
I guess she feels a bit slighted. We plan on eloping too, and I’d probably tell my 2 best friends before we do it, just as a courtesy.
I think she’ll come around but maybe she thought that somehow you’d include her since she made you MOH.
Post # 4
@glacier_gal: Nothing to be done about it, although I think being upset is both sad and a little touching…it is your day, but she’s your friend and I would hope her dissapointment stems from wanting to share that with you because she loves you…but I don’t condone ignoring phone calls and e-mails, that’s just a little silly and as an adult she could comport herself as one….maybe when she does come out of her funk a fun post wedding girl date is in order…sorry she’s upset, but you didn’t do anything wrong, so it’s fine to be sorry that she’s upset, but not because you eloped…she’ll come around.
Post # 5
I think it’s normal for her to feel a bit bummed. My sister plans on eloping next year. I am pretty sure it will just be her and her fiance, and maybe one or two family members, but I won’t be invited. I keep reminding myself that it’s her wedding and she can do whatever she wants, but it’s hard for me not to feel sad that I won’t get to participate.
Give your friend a little more time to absorb this.
Post # 6
Give her time. If my best friend eloped and then told me later by email. . I’d be very hurt.
Post # 7
Part of the concept of eloping is that it’s done in secret. Technically it means you’re running away together, never to return, but I guess that definition is long gone. Anyway since it’s done in secret, it’s perfectly normal for anyone not let in on the secret to feel slighted or like their friendship didn’t mean as much to you as they had thought.
Post # 8
@GroovyHippieChick: note, I did say she considers me her best friend. I don’t know that I’d consider the same (or give anyone other than my 4-legged BFF that title, besides DH). I have other friends I think I’m closer to that didn’t care at all about being told via email.
Post # 9
@fishbone: wouldn’t that make it not a secret anymore? Not to mention the reason we didn’t tell anyone was to avoid pressure/being guilted to have to invite others.
Post # 10
If my BF eloped and didn’t call me until 10 days later I would be hurt too. Eloping with only family and e-mail announcements are fine but my feelings would be really hurt if I didn’t get an excited “I got maried!!!” phone call. Give it some time and apologize.
Post # 11
just for a different perspective: if this was me, and if I was that close of a friend, I would have been annoyed if I got the email and paper announcement before speaking to her. I would have understood that you wanted to elope, though that might have made me a little sad, but I’d feel like hearing the news in the form of a mass email would be worse. if i were you, I would have called her first before sending the mass email out. it’s like when I got engaged: I told a few very clothes friends and family members on the phone before the announcement went on facebook.
Post # 12
I can understand being hurt about not being in the loop about it all, but not being able to talk to the friend and needing some space? Sounds very grade schoolish to me!
She will hopefully get over it.
Post # 13
@finnaroo: I agree with this.
I would feel hurt if I was in your friend’s shoes – but I think it’s immature that she isn’t speaking to you because of it. I would swallow my hurt feelings and want to get together to celebrate as soon as possible!
Post # 14
@Penelopeee: I agree. It’s one thing to elope, that’s personal preference. But I would have expected a phone call afterwards.
If her friendship means something to you, I would call her again. If not, I would just leave the ball in her court.
Post # 15
@glacier_gal: I definitely had people upset with us for “eloping.” We had just our families (and three very close friends) there. We planned it in 8 days, and it was perfect. Unfortunately, I let their guilt persuade me into having a larger ceremony next year. Don’t feel bad. I totally disagree with @fishbone. The wedding is, and should be, all about you and your spouse.
Of course, after we eloped, we posted a pic on Facebook to let everyone know. According to some members of these boards, we’re missing a sensitivity chip. *nonchalant shrug*
Post # 16
My would be MOH didn’t talk to me for almost 6 months after we eloped. She did come around and accepted it eventually but I think she is still carrying a grudge. She thinks that if I would dress shop with her and include her in the planning she would have convinced me not to elope. She is a dear friend but is very class conscious and materialistic. I pretty much would be fighting a losing battle since I don’t see any point to weddings, big dresses or expensive anything. “If I can’t take it with me when I die why would I want it now” mentality that I have does not fly with her “you must have the best of everything because of your position” mentality. We agree to disagree..
I did let her know before we eloped, though, as a courtesy heads up. We treated all of our “would be attendants” to dinner and explained to them what we are doing and why.