Post # 1
I knew it was inevitable and I am not surprised it was my family, either. A family member complained to my Dad about not being invited. My Dad gave an amazingly polite response, but I guess he felt really uncomfortable as the complaint continued on for quite some time. There’s not much I can do about it, so I am just venting, I guess, and uneagerly anticipating a potential response from said relative directly to me. I should just be pleased, I suppose, that everyone else has taken it so well (Thus far – we haven’t been spreading the news among those not invited) and just move on.
Post # 3
I guess there is not really much you can do. Hopefully they will take the hint and deal with it. If they push it I would just be polite and direct.
Post # 4
@cirrus: “I am glad that you are not letting others know who was/wasn’t invitied. Let them gossip among themselves, but most importantly that they don’t say
so and so (you) told me that cousin A was not invited that would be disrespectful and rude. Keep up the good etiquette
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It happens. My family started laying on the guilt almost instantly. I shrug it off. I can’t please everyone, and I’m definitely not going to try when it’s OUR wedding, not theirs.
Post # 6
@Kate2012: No, you’re probably right. I guess I should take away that the relative really wanted to come and I suppose that is a nice thing.
@beatriz: Yes, well, we’ve kept it at immediate family to stave off these problems rather than picking and choosing, because otherwise it seemed unfair and my fiance has a big family.
@lovekiss: I know it! Thanks for the reassurance. I will try to not feel guilty. After all, the decision wasn’t made to keep certain people from celebrating with us – not at all.
Post # 7
@cirrus: Just the fact that members of your family complain and gossip about not being invited says exactly why their presence was not asked for at your wedding. Please don’t listen to them. You made the best decision for both you and your wedding as you couldn’t possibly invite everyone.
Post # 8
I’m a very blunt/honest person. Our wedding started at 30 and now is up to 40 due to his family demanding invites. I’m allowing it to go up to 40 because our venue can hold 40 (it is rated to 75 but yeah right, wit how much room to move?!) comfortably so I either say that “I’m sorry but you have to understand that my fiance and I are paying for this ourselves and cannot afford a huge wedding” (I dont care if they we’re paying, some people might be more shy) or I say “This is my dream venue and it only holds 40 people. SORRY but it’s booked and paid for and that’s how it is.” Just ignore it, hun!
Post # 9
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: He wasn’t really being gossipy, although I don’t know where he got the information, but I don’t worry about that since these things slip. I just wish he’d have accepted my Dad’s very gracious response as to why it wasn’t going to happen (my Dad is so awesome) and not kept at it to the extent that he did. But really, it’s nothing against him that I didn’t invite him. It’s simply an issue of my fiance and I not wanting a big wedding and wanting to be fair rather than picking and choosing who can come from relatives. But thanks for the reminder. Obviously, we couldn’t ever invite everyone with an interest in attending. We just happened to choose a small cut off list.
@pandasgomow: Hee hee. Blunt can be best! The first one wouldn’t have worked, because he offered to pay for his presence. As if I would have wanted people to do that! It would be so rude. My Dad simply explained that we were trying to be fair and that we didn’t want to invite my fiance’s entire huge family (some of whom he is not close to at all). Then he also reminded him of another family wedding that was kept deliberately small. I thought that was very tactful of him. If he comes to me specifically I will say something similar and explain that it was in no way a personal decision to exclude people. I just really hope he doesn’t ask me about it, but I think he might.
Post # 10
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: I totally agree!
@cirrus: I am with you on this! FH and I are having 37 people as of the last count. I’m expecting his extended family to throw a cow after invitations have been sent…. but that’s exactly WHY we didn’t invite them. The family members who really care about FH or us together would be sad not to get an invitation ( they are ) but they certainly wouldn’t make us feel bad about it.
Keep your head up and I think you made a good decision about only wanting to celebrate with certain close people! Looking back, you’re going to want to remember all the people who love you and are happy for you, I don’t think that’s a decision you’ll regret!
Post # 11
Its your wedding, be happy with what you want and do it! If people can’t be happy for you then then that really shows you what type of people they are. Don’t feel sorry, Stand up for yourself.
Post # 12
its bad enough to complain about not being invited but to continue to complain proves them as rude – ignore them, you cant make everyone happy so accept that some people suck and try to let it go
Post # 13
We ran into this a little bit–DH has a very large family and we could only invite immediate family from his side (my family is tiny, so I invited aunts/uncles and the like and our numbers were still fairly even). Once we explained the situation, though, they understood and were gracious about it. It’s incredibly rude for your relative to continue to complain, but look at it this way: it reflects negatively on him/her, not you.
Post # 14
Thanks ladies. I know we thought this decision through carefully and it wasn’t just on a whim. The relative is a good person, but he isn’t tactful.
@Mrs Grape: Actually, the way things worked out his immediate family will be smaller thn mine. 🙁 But we did decide this together and just felt having the same cut-off point for both of us was more logical and easy to defend.
Some of the immediate family was disappointed too, because they’d like to see a lot of relatives, but I got over that (as I will get over this) by realizing that it’s not my responsibility to have a family reunion.
Post # 15
@cirrus: it’s not my responsibility to have a family reunion.
OMG. Thank you.
Post # 16
I think that if everybody repeated this as they were creating the guest list, the wedding world would be a much happier place 🙂