Post # 1
first off i LOVE kids and this was not an easy decision not to invite kids to the wedding.
So we found the venue that we absolutely loved and booked it a year and a half ago thinking that we would be able to cut down our guest list and also accomodate kids at the venue.
Recently but our guest list hasnt been able to be cut down and we decided to keep the adults in our life on the list and ended up cutting the kids off.
BACKLASH has started. I have a really really big family on my mums side (she is one of 12) and there are dozens of first cousions (approx 45) and then dozens of kids, plus aunties, uncles etc.
we decided the least resistance was to cut out kids. Just now i received a message from my cousion (10 years my senior) telling me he wasnt coming because his kids were not invited. Fair enough.
I tried to explain it and told him how stressful the last year had been but this is what we had to do to fit our guest list. He didnt respond. I really dont care but cant understand why now i am shaking and cant stop shaking. Has anyone else had this backlash? i am the first cousion in 5 years to have a wedding in the city where we live and not destination and also invite ALL of the first cousions. BUT still backlash.
Anyone else have this issue. Yes i do not have kids yet but seriously i think i would be more offended by not receiving an invitation at all. Its not even like we get invited to thier kids events.
Post # 2
My advice is to not try to justify your choice to every person that has a problem with it. If someone says they can’t come because their kids aren’t invited just say “We are sorry to hear that, you’ll be missed!” and be done with it. Part of not inviting kids is understanding that some people won’t come without them.
I’m also not sure how you wanted your uncle to respond to your explanation. He said he couldn’t come, he wasn’t going to change his mind just because you explained. I wouldn’t exactly call him not responding to your message as “backlash”
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Not really seeing the backlash either in your description. He declined bc you’d prefer children not attend. Nothing wrong with either of your decisions. Don’t take this personal and don’t stress over any actual backlash if it comes from others later. One of my sisters is threatening not to attend if they aren’t invited as a family. Oh well. ✌ I’ll still send an invite but I’m not taking it personal if she declines bc thats her choice just like its ours to have a child free event and we aren’t making exceptions or providing detailed explanations. Children aren’t invited, period.
Post # 4
Don’t get yourself so wound up. Every invited guest has the right to decline for any reason. They do not owe you an explanation. Having received one from your cousin, the gracious thing for you to do is to thank him for contacting you and tell him you will miss him at the wedding.
Post # 5
My SO’s sister didn’t invite kids to her wedding. She sent a wedding invite to this couple with kids and in the invitation it said that she “saved 2 seats” for them (basically for the adults only) and the couple crossed off 2 and wrote in 5 to accomodate their kids. LOL who does that?! My SO’s sister had to call them after to remind them that kids were not invited.
Post # 6
People can have opinions about what you’re doing. That doesn’t mean you need to change what you’re doing. If anyone else writes you a message like that, just reply “I’m sorry to hear that. You will be missed!” and then continue on with your plans.
Post # 8
ok maybe backlash not a word or doesnt apply here haha
it is not my uncle but my first cousion. I am inviting him but not the kids. I barely see them and not sure they even know my name.
It is what it is. Its a touch surprising to be honest but.
sure they might bitch about it but didnt realise they would cut me off completly. wonder what his siblings do.
Post # 9
How was that backlash? DId he yell that to you? DId he also say “f#ck you how dare you not invite my kids? I’m never talking to you again. You’re dead to me!” Did he pressure you to add his kids to the guest list? Cause your post makes it sound like he just declined because his kids aren’t invited. And, well, that’s to be expected by some. Some might be offended or just not want the expense of finding a babysitter. Your response back doesn’t need to have a woe is me it has been so hard for me story. I’m sure everyone else who did invite kids probably had challenges too. It’s irrelevant.
A simple “we’ll miss you, but we understand!” Is sufficient. If they press for a further explanation, “unfortunately we just weren’t able to accommodate every one we would have liked. ” Without some additional details, based on what you’ve written you’re taking their decline too personally and over explaining in the hopes they’ll validate your choice not to invite kids. You are within your rights to not invite kids. Likewise they are within their rights to decline because they don’t want to attend without their kids, but they aren’t obligated to make you feel good about it. It is what is – graciously accept their decline and wish them well.
ETA: Since you posted again while i was typing – how exactly did they cut you off? How long ago was this? Like a 10 year long Hatfield-McCoy feud where they have since refused to invite you to family gatherings? Does he ignore you when you try to talk about other stuff? Because otherwise, I would just assume they either got busy and needed to do something else (assuming this was via text or email) or they figured the conversation was done – they informed you they wouldn’t be coming, you over-explained why their kids weren’t invited. What more is there on the subject? I guess I’m not seeing how they cut you out unless they blocked your phone number and refuse to have a conversation with you about non-wedding things.
Post # 10
our first “sorry we can’t come because you wont allow our kids to come” response had me LIVID. and then I quickly got over it. I think what makes me so mad is most of these people that freak out got to have their weddings be kid free but now that they have kids it’s not fair?!?! Seriously, ignore them. The feeling will pass, promise!
Post # 11
You don’t have to justify yourself. It’s your decision as a couple to have an adult only wedding, so guests should be respectful of your wishes. Now, you’ll have to accept that some people will decline because of this, but it’s completely unacceptable to give you backlash because of it (the text you received I wouldn’t consider backlash, but if he starts becoming aggressive because of it then thats unacceptable). I think a lot of people would happily attend a child free wedding as it’s a night off for parents to relax and have fun. Try to not stress over it, as you may get more declines and that’s okay. The people who want to be there to celebrate with you will be there. Good luck xx
Post # 12
Stop trying to make excuses for it. “Oh sorry to hear, we’ll miss you!”
it doesn’t sound like that’s backlash… at all lol. You should know that not inviting kids might make it difficult for people to attend.
Post # 13
I say just own your request 🙂 Don’t worry if other people have opinions, they will have opinions about everything! Your invite, your dress, your food 😛 Just smile and say yes, no kids. If they insist as some are pushy you could make it clear they cannot come for dinner? Just after dinner and no ceremony? My friend did this and I was impressed she held her own, but she also realised she wasn’t going to win. Her wedding was a destination one so I could sort of see her aunts pleas, but at least the bride didn’t have to cater to kids or make room for them 🙂
Post # 14
It’s not clear that the cousin said this out of resentment. He could have no one to watch them and wanted to explain or could have been fishing to see if you might make an exception.
You owed him no explanation or justification, but the fact that he didn’t reply does seem to suggest he’s got an undeserved sense of entitlement. Cutting off the guest list at children of cousins is perfectly acceptable and any issue he has with you is his problem.
What some people do in this situation is provide a nanny or nannies or suggest names of sitters.
Post # 15
Think of it this way–those who RSVP no because the invite wasn’t extended to their kids don’t really want to be there (babysitters for a few hours are a thing nowadays) and you’re saving money by not having lukewarm guests. It’s a win win. Stick to your guns.