(Closed) Bad Bad Bridesmaids….Different Situation!

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I would just ask her to come as a guest.  It’s one thing to have conflicts – my Maid/Matron of Honor had a few, but we worked them all out.  It’s another thing to be withholding information, or just not working towards a solution, which it sounds like is the case. 

You’re going to have enough things to worry about right before the wedding.  Part of the point of having bridesmaids is that they help take care of stuff – and of you.  If one of them is actually additional stress, that’s just crazy, and completely not what you need. 

If you were super close to her – for instance, if she was your sister, or absolutely your best friend – then it might make sense to adjust your plans to accomodate her issues.  And it really just sounds like your wedding is not that important to her – she’s reduced it to some kind of photo opp, where she appears in time to stand up at the front of the church in a matching dress with a bouquet, and leaves as soon as you cut the cake.  If that’s the case, why in the world would you want her standing up with your? 

Of course, you probably don’t want to have that conversation with her.  I would just tell her  that it sounds like things are really complicated for her at the moment with her new job, her schedule seems crazy, and given all that it seems to you that expecting her to fulfill the responsibilities of a bridesmaid is really unfair.  Tell her that, given that the time commitment she can make doesn’t allow her any extra time up front, and doesn’t even allow her to stay through the reception, it would be better (and less stressful all around) if she just came as a guest.

It doesn’t make you bridezilla, as long as you do it nicely.  If you let this situation go on until she really pisses you off, and you end up screaming at her, THAT makes you bridezilla.  I would go ahead and do it now.

Post # 4
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with suzanno, but how I think it depends on how close you are to your wedding date. Is the dress already ordered? You might have to try to work it out if she’s already invested some money.  If you think it’s ok to let her go, then try to make it seem more like a discussion and a mutual decision. Good luck!! 🙂

Post # 6
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

First off, depending on what kind of job she has, weekend conferences are very typical. My husband is an attorney and he travels to meetings on the weekends all the time, because lawyers are typically too busy to be away from the office on the weekdays. We’re leaving for NYC on Wednesday to attend a meeting that is Friday-Monday. Also, 5 months at a new job isn’t very much time at all and in today’s economy, people are having a hard time finding jobs, so I would imagine she doesn’t want to lose the one she has. If it’s really about her boyfriend, then that’s a different issue, but if it’s about her job, I would give her a break. 

Post # 7
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I have weekend work conferences all the time – in fact, nearly every conference I attend are over weekends. And I also often don’t get a choice in whether or not I go; my boss tells me I’m going. You may want to give her a break. Especially if she’s already had to buy a dress. My Maid/Matron of Honor missed our rehearsal dinner because of traffic (yes, she was literally caught in an extra 3 hours of traffic!), but it was fine! She was still there for my wedding, all smiles. I was just happy to have her there. There’s probably a reason you asked your friend to be your bridesmaid in the first place. Let it slide, and be happy that she’ll be there with you for as long as she can. It’s not like "demoting" her to being a guest will allow her to spend more time with you, so it’s kind of a moot point.

Post # 8
Member
15 posts
Newbee

I also have work conferences all the time.  They stink!  I’ve had to miss weddings for them as well, and I’ve been at my new job for two years.  So many people are willing to take your job if you aren’t doing what your boss asks, you have to be careful these days.  My boss could not care less about weddings.  If it’s not my wedding, to my boss, it’s not important (and since I’m taking a couple weeks off for my honeymoon I can’t argue!).

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