- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
I’ve seen some horror-stories on these boards about wedding party conflicts. Just a word of encouragement to my fellow bees experiencing tricky situations: try appealing to the good parts of their personality, and try to understand what’s behind their actions 🙂
I was totally shocked when, 6 mo. before the wedding, my Maid/Matron of Honor asked me to confirm which day my wedding was on, and then told me she was in another wedding the day before mine! I flat out told her she wasn’t going to be able to do that since I needed her for the rehearsal events that day.
She was freaked out, having already committed to being in the other wedding, and saying the other bride had just told her what the date was. She was talking about attending both by skipping my Rehearsal Dinner to drive 4 hours to the other wedding, and driving back for my wedding late that night or early the wedding-day morning. I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of her missing our Rehearsal Dinner, or being totally exhausted the day of my wedding. We parted with her saying she’d just figure it out, but I didn’t know exactly what “it” would look like.
Part of me was mad/hurt, and I had trouble understanding how she didn’t see what was obviously a huge conflict in the schedules. But, I realized that she’s truly the type of person who wants to be there for her friends, and hadn’t done it to disrespect me. Rather than try to make her feel bad about her actions, I wrote her an email telling her how important it was to me that she’s there to support me before my wedding and be involved in the events, since she’s my oldest and most loyal friend. I also made sure she knew that I sympathized with her situation and regretted that she couldn’t be there for her other friend because of the timing.
The next day she called and was completely committed to being there for me. She’s giving the other bride her sincere regrets about having to withdraw, as well as a cheeky cardboard cut-out of herself to ‘stand in’ for her at the wedding.
The moral of the story? Nobody likes getting a guilt-trip and, while it may be necessary sometimes and can be very tempting, starting with an appeal to the good in somebody is always worth it!
Happy planning, and try to keep that blood pressure down everyone!