Post # 196
Block him on email and don’t respond to him. If he finds a way to contact you and threatens suicide again then you call 911 and tell them but you do not respond to him at all. Do not backslide on this. It’s tempting when you are sad, but you deserve to be with someone who thinks you’re incredible and lets you know it every day with their words and their actions. You will not get that from this guy and the longer you dwell on him the longer it will take for you to find the right guy. Close this chapter. The next one will be better.
Post # 197
Thank you so much, Bees!! I stayed strong, although it was really tempting to respond. He sent another mail right after this one, saying that he’s just so stressed at work and can’t handle the stressful aspects of a relationship right now He’s sorry and doesn’t want to hurt me, but he doesn’t know how to handle his own life at the moment. He added that he still loves me, but would not be able to give me an answer on whether he wants to have me back or not. I should not think, however, that this means he’ll never want me back. He just doesn’t know right now and has no strength.
Seriously, I’m dumbfounded. At first, I felt a TINY bit sorry for him.. But isn’t this whole bulls*it basically saying I shouldn’t keep my hopes up, but not move on in case he might want me once he’s less stressed!?! Maybe him having a foot in the door makes his transition (out of the relationship) easier.. But it’s all on my expense and YET AGAIN my feelings don’t matter at all.
I just got back from a pretty painful dentist appointment. I will get surgery on Monday. When I was lying there, I realized that I’m constantly fighting all my battles “alone” (meaning without him). I solve my own problems, go through my own pain and once he’s stressed or annoyed he’s nowhere to be seen.
I think this is pure manipulation and, quite frankly, rude and shameless.
He retrieved the suicide threat by telling me he just meant that he’s very unhappy and doesn’t like his life. Oh, and that I added to the stress by putting too much pressure on him.
Although I cried last night, I’m not willing to put up with this anymore. There’s absolutely no reason to contact me and I’m not his garbage bin. If he wants to talk about his sad life, he should go to his drinking buddies.
Thank you for being here, Bees, and for all your comments and support!
Post # 198
Omg, he sounds like a complete, manipulating idiot. You do not need his self manufactured drama! Stay FAR away from him and you will one day wonder why you ever gave him a minute of your time.
Post # 199
panda87: +1. This is what I was going to suggest, just so it isn’t on OP’s head. Even though from this second email it does seem like it was probably an empty threat.
Post # 200
Block the email and stop replying. It’s for the best.
Post # 201
Disclaimer: I’m no therapist or mental health specialist.
At this point though, I believe this man is struggling with an undiagnosed mental illness, which could be bipolar disorder with a little bit of narcissism as well.
I don’t think this needs to matter to you, or change anything in your behavior, but it would explain the incredible self-absorption, the fact that he treats you as a commodity that he can control, the erratic behavior, the irresponsibility, and all the dramatic emotions that he seems to be experiencing.
However, he is no longer your problem.
May I gently remind you that No Contact means not attempting to contact, not responding to contact, not following on social media, not accepting updates from mutual friends, AND not reading/listening to attempts of contact? He must be 100% blocked and anything that would still come through must be immediately discarded before being read/listened to. This is especially necessary given that he is not behaving and talking rationally.
I second previous commenters regarding the suicide threats. If you want to do something about it, you can: 1. alert one of his family members or friends that he is behaving irrationally and is talking about suicide (and let them deal with it), 2. call a crisis line or 911 to mention that he talked about self-harm. However, I believe that the best course of action is to simply move on with your life.
I know it’s hard. It’s one day, one hour at a time. Strict No Contact, excellent self-care, and loving support from your close ones are the best way to make progress.
Post # 202
I would feel the need to clarify that I broke up with HIM, not the other way around. But don’t listen to me, Bee, that is terrible advice. We all know you broke up with him, and that’s what matters!
Post # 203
1) Manipulators love to keep the door open–I can’t be with you now, but someday in the future I might pick you. My college boyfriend, during one of our off periods (after 2 years of many on-off periods), met a new girl. He told me “She’s not the type of girl I want to marry. Not like you. You are the woman I want to marry. But I need to be with her right now. But in time, I know I’ll want to settle down with you.” That was 20+ years ago. He never came back to me. AND he ended up marrying her. ((eye roll))
2) If he can’t be with you when life is stressful, he can’t be with you EVER. Marriage is long and filled with one stressful event after another–job stress, losing your job, your illness, his illness, parent’s illness, parent’s death, money problems, infertility, pregancy hormones, etc. You want someone who turns to you during times of stress, not away from you.
3) Stay strong. You are doing the right thing. (Why haven’t you blocked his email yet?)
Post # 204
True to form, everything he wrote is all about himself. Don’t feel badly about the “suicide” note. I doubt that he has any intention to kill himself, it’s all about trying to drum up sympathy for HIM and HIS situation. Don’t respond to him in any way. Douche nozzle.
Post # 205
“Thanks for your email, however I think you might be confused. I already broke up with you, so I don’t need an answer from you as to whether you want me back because I don’t want you back. Best wishes for the future, I don’t see any need for us to be in further contact.”
Post # 206
flossy.lou: This. Then absolute silence.
Big hugs to you.
Post # 207
Thank you for your replies, Bees, sorry I haven’t been on here for 2 days! I did not contact him and I set up my email account to let his mails go to the Spam folder and get deleted.
I’m still struggling a little bit. I like what you wrote, KoiKove, it’s so true. If that guy can’t even handle some relationship talk, what is he going to do once s*it hits the fan?! I mean, there WILL be issues in the future that we would need to solve. But I mean, what did I expect, he even told me he wishes he was 20 forever and never had to grow up… I guess I’m just hurt by the way he acted in the end. And the way he acts now is just manipulative and a way of keeping his foot in the door (“RIGHT NOW I can’t decide”, “RIGHT NOW I’m not able to have a relationship.”…). I think it’s not only immature, it’s also extremely disrespectful.
thethreadofariane: Thank you! I had already blocked him on all messengers and social media and didn’t have contact with him. I didn’t expect him to find other ways of contacting me if he notices that he’s blocked. But I guess I was wrong..
Yes, I’m certain he has some kind of mental disorder. There were some warning signs early on that I didn’t pay enough attention to because I was wearing my rosecolored glasses. A friend of a friend who is in the Psychological field told the mutual friend once that she thinks he’s suffering from some form of ADD. He has a very bad relationship with his parents, he doesn’t like his mother and blames his upbringing for a lot of things in his life, but I mean, I’m not a professional so I won’t be able to diagnose him correctly. Narcissism is something I looked into during our relationship once because I was so baffled by his inability to have empathy or to deal with my emotions or even answer simple questions. I remember him getting very angry whenever I had a different opinion as well. He would take that personally. Quite bizzarr. Maybe that’s why he is only surrounding himself with people who share the exact same taste in music and who love partying and getting drunk as well.
I’m actually more at peace since it’s over, although I have sad moments where I wonder if he’s going to be AWESOME for the next person. But that’s probably just my brain playing tricks on me.
Thank you for all the support, Bees!!!