(Closed) Bad communication or unhealthy union? I'm sad and confused.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 196
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Block him on email and don’t respond to him. If he finds a way to contact you and threatens suicide again then you call 911 and tell them but you do not respond to him at all. Do not backslide on this. It’s tempting when you are sad, but you deserve to be with someone who thinks you’re incredible and lets you know it every day with their words and their actions. You will not get that from this guy and the longer you dwell on him the longer it will take for you to find the right guy. Close this chapter. The next one will be better.

Post # 198
236 posts
Helper bee

Omg, he sounds like a complete, manipulating idiot. You do not need his self manufactured drama! Stay FAR away from him and you will one day wonder why you ever gave him a minute of your time.

Post # 199
539 posts
Busy bee

panda87:  +1. This is what I was going to suggest, just so it isn’t on OP’s head. Even though from this second email it does seem like it was probably an empty threat.

Post # 200
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Block the email and stop replying. It’s for the best. 

Post # 201
11 posts


Disclaimer: I’m no therapist or mental health specialist.

At this point though, I believe this man is struggling with an undiagnosed mental illness, which could be bipolar disorder with a little bit of narcissism as well.

I don’t think this needs to matter to you, or change anything in your behavior, but it would explain the incredible self-absorption, the fact that he treats you as a commodity that he can control, the erratic behavior, the irresponsibility, and all the dramatic emotions that he seems to be experiencing.

However, he is no longer your problem.

May I gently remind you that No Contact means not attempting to contact, not responding to contact, not following on social media, not accepting updates from mutual friends, AND not reading/listening to attempts of contact? He must be 100% blocked and anything that would still come through must be immediately discarded before being read/listened to. This is especially necessary given that he is not behaving and talking rationally.

I second previous commenters regarding the suicide threats. If you want to do something about it, you can: 1. alert one of his family members or friends that he is behaving irrationally and is talking about suicide (and let them deal with it), 2. call a crisis line or 911 to mention that he talked about self-harm. However, I believe that the best course of action is to simply move on with your life.

I know it’s hard. It’s one day, one hour at a time. Strict No Contact, excellent self-care, and loving support from your close ones are the best way to make progress.

Post # 202
1309 posts
Bumble bee

I would feel the need to clarify that I broke up with HIM, not the other way around. But don’t listen to me, Bee, that is terrible advice. We all know you broke up with him, and that’s what matters!

Post # 203
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

1) Manipulators love to keep the door open–I can’t be with you now, but someday in the future I might pick you. My college boyfriend, during one of our off periods (after 2 years of many on-off periods), met a new girl. He told me “She’s not the type of girl I want to marry. Not like you. You are the woman I want to marry. But I need to be with her right now. But in time, I know I’ll want to settle down with you.”  That was 20+ years ago. He never came back to me. AND he ended up marrying her. ((eye roll))

2) If he can’t be with you when life is stressful, he can’t be with you EVER. Marriage is long and filled with one stressful event after another–job stress, losing your job, your illness, his illness, parent’s illness, parent’s death, money problems, infertility, pregancy hormones, etc. You want someone who turns to you during times of stress, not away from you.

3) Stay strong. You are doing the right thing. (Why haven’t you blocked his email yet?) 

Post # 204
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

True to form, everything he wrote is all about himself. Don’t feel badly about the “suicide” note. I doubt that he has any intention to kill himself, it’s all about trying to drum up sympathy for HIM and HIS situation. Don’t respond to him in any way. Douche nozzle.

Post # 205
927 posts
Busy bee

“Thanks for your email, however I think you might be confused. I already broke up with you, so I don’t need an answer from you as to whether you want me back because I don’t want you back. Best wishes for the future, I don’t see any need for us to be in further contact.”

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