Post # 1
I’m having a crappy day and need to vent. SO is watching the hockey game so I can’t talk to him so I washed my car, cleaned the house and now I’m at a loss for what to do.
This morning I got an email from two venues that we were interested in saying that they are now booked for the dates we want. They weren’t booked a week ago but I couldn’t book a week ago since we’re not engaged
I realized that I’m really starting to resent my SO for this whole waiting thing. A lot of you know my story and he says he has a ring now but I’m still so mad that he chose to do things this way. If he doesn’t propose on our trip I think I will lose my mind. I can’t watch another potential wedding date pass by. Sometimes it’s just hard dealing with the blow to my self confidence this has caused and its hard to think that I will easily forgive him for fucking me around the way he has.
Maybe I’m just pissed because it was his day off today and all he did was watch TV all day. We need basic groceries that I had to go get as well as come home clean up the mess he left for me.
Then I got three calls from potential employers. Right now I’m consulting but still hoping for a permanent position if something comes up. I’m so sick of interviewing! It’s exhausting and I had one reference say she only wants to be called if its a one time thing because she doesn’t have time for reference calls. She was my best one!!
I had a crappy weekend. My (flaky) friend bailed on our plans yet again on Saturday and Sunday I stayed home while my SO played online poker all day until 1:30am. If I had known he was playing a tournament I would have made other plans!
Then.. and this is the big, scary, stressful, upsetting thing.. I find out that my dad has to have a biopsy next week for possible cancer. My little sister told me but I guess she’s the only one special enough to know about it so I’m forbidden to talk to anyone about it. As if something like this isn’t hard enough to deal with! Of course I’m worried and that’s #1 and I can’t even talk to my dad and see if he’s ok. Typical move from my family though.
If anyone made it through this – thank you!
Post # 3
@givemecouture: I’m sorry you’re going through all this. I hope your dad is ok. I’m sure the scary news doesn’t help all the other things piling up. As for your venue, don’t worry. Something will turn up. If it doesn’t, there are ways to work around a venue that is not 100% ideal with draping and decorations. Lastly, with everyone making and breaking plans with you, why not make plans with only yourself. Go do something for you. A little alone time to decompress may be the thing you need. Go get a facial or massage. Pick up a hobby. Have a good cleansing cry. Anything.
Post # 4
@givemecouture: Oh, gosh, that is a truly wretched day. I’m sorry things are so stressful for you, and I really hope your dad doesn’t have cancer.
I have followed your story a bit– I really don’t get why your SO hasn’t proposed yet since he said he wanted to over the holidays, but couldn’t because of “stealing someone’s thunder”– at least if I remember correctly?? If he has the ring and wanted to do it so badly then, I would think he has some plan now, which he is waiting to fulfill. But I am dismayed for you at how complicated and just bad this whole process has been.
I totally get the annoying SO-doing-random-boy-stuff-and-not-doing-chores-or-spending-quality-time thing goes. I hate it when that happens too. Maybe ask him to be better about helping out on his days off, and also let him know that you need to know ahead of time what he’s planning to do if you’re going to stay home specifically to be with him, so he doesn’t do the poker until 1:30 AM thing again after you’ve turned down girl time with friends. Those two things by themselves would have me flying off the handle and setting some boundaries, but that’s me.
If he doesn’t propose on your vacation, you have EVERY RIGHT to totally freak out and tell him exactly how you feel about all this. He’s your partner, he should know at some point what he’s putting you through. Grr. I have some of the same angry/resentful feelings sometimes, so I can understand to some extent how you feel.
How about some good intense exercise to blow off steam? I just started exercising a lot– it sure helps with stress and self-image.
Oh, I really hope for you that your SO will just propose already, darn it!!
Post # 5
Thanks for the kind words ladies.
I actually slept really good lately for once! I used to sleep awesome until this whole mess started with my job (December) and ever since then I’ve been waking up a few times a night. Last night I slept right from when I went to bed to when my alarm went off.
I had somewhat of a meltdown this morning though. I went to feed the dogs (we have two) and there was no food left, there was about enough for half of what my smallest dog needs. My SO was the last one to feed them last night so I didn’t know we were out of food. I ended up slamming the pantry door closed and left for work. So not like me to act like that! I cried in my car, which isn’t surprising given the news I got yesterday. Ugh.
My SO is working late tonight so I plan on going on the gym after work, well buying dog food and feeding my dogs THEN going to the gym lol, I’m hoping that will help me feel less stressed/pissed off.