(Closed) bad fight…..

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

Since it seems like there may be many layers attributing to the issues in your relationship, I think that both of you talking with a professional might be your best bet. Someone to help you two really dig into the root of the problems. Going to couples therapy won’t automatically get you a proposal, but it’s a start.

Post # 4
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

@Waterfall: maybe he should marry you and you guys guys won’t fight about it anymore. tell him i said that! haha. when my boyfriend get’s mad at me for bring up the fact that we’re not engaged yet, i just want to tell him that if he just did it, you wouldn’t have to hear about it anymore!

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee

@Impatiently_waiting: I love your response too!  If I said that I think it would be a big bad fight!

@Waterfall: Boo!  I hate waiting too.  I really agree with you about doing activities together, but sometimes it is tense trying to start a new routine because you both know you’re trying.  Probably if you can see a way to reduce your stress long term it will help overall.  It’s really good to do new things together – just think about when you first started dating and all your shared experiences were new to both of you.

I haven’t been to relationship therapy but I feel like I would think it was creating a problem where there wasn’t a problem.  Last year when we were fighting a lot I suggested therapy to my Boyfriend or Best Friend &  just the fact that he was open to the idea made me feel better.  We never did it because …. no reason really, it just seemed like it would be easier to not fight than it would be to find a therapist & go see her/him!  Plus, a couples therapist might have given us more to fight about, since we were fighting about tiny things all the time. But if you’re really feeling bad & having trouble it might be a good idea to try an individual therapist to see if they have a helpful perspective.  

I see you’re from MA. I read the Love Letters blog on boston.com a lot. It is in the lifestyle section on weekdays.  It’s helpful to see the wide range of love problems people have & makes me feel like I have it pretty good, or if not then at least I’m not the only one with problems!

I have more suggestions that have sort of worked for me: reading relationship books and sometimes talking about them with my boyfriend, watching Netflix movies together (for me this has worked because it’s a low stress activity, all you have to do is watch, and then you have something to talk about. And you can talk about your queue), going to a store together but splitting up at the store.

 

Ai I didn’t mean to write so much but I did because I totally empathize with you!  It’s like, “grr, boyfriend, why can’t you just see how easy this can be if you just cooperate!”

Post # 9
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

Well I hope the break is fruitful for you both— maybe you need some time apart to see what is the right direction. Obviously he isn’t ready yet so this break may do you good- even though you are hurting, take the time for yourself. I wish you peace for your heart- good luck!

Post # 10
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

best of luck. sometimes it takes time to find out what path is best, and he may be scared to go al the way right now. you want both families happy about it and pressuring him is a terrible idea. When he’s ready he’ll ask the question.

Post # 11
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’m very sorry to hear you’re going through this.  I’m not very good at offering comforting words so I usually give some realistic perspective instead.  If he is living his life based on his what his family says, you might want to re-consider if that is something you want to marry into.  It sounds like if you marry him, his family will be making all of his decisions for him.  It is probably not that they don’t like you, the just don’t want to lose their son, as some families feel like that is what happens when they get married.  As for fighting about getting married, we used to do the same and it pretty much boiled down to that my Fiance wasn’t in a financial position to buy the ring and it made him feel bad that he could not provide that but instead of telling me that, we would just argue meaninglessly.  I hope it all works out!

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