Post # 1
Need help deciding if something is in poor taste. I am going to be getting my invites back on Th/Fr and it just occured to me that I can hand deliver them at the shower this weekend. I talked to my aunt about it (who is throwing the shower) and she immediately was horrified. Here are our positions and a sort-of compromise:
Aunt: Her thought is that I should spend the money on the postage because everyone will “know” that is why I am hand delivering.
Me: My view is that it is more personal to hand deliver (esp. since we will have just got them back so it is a sincere “We wanted to get this to you asap!”) and, yeah, it saves a boatload of cash that I will now have for other elements of the wedding (hello bar upgrade?). But we aren’t over budget or cheaping out on things in general, so it isn’t a *must* that we save here. I just think it is a smart decision and can’t get a good reason to justify spending money on postage when it is unnecessary (I am like that in life, too…not just with the wedding). Mostly I think it is nicer and has a perk of saving $.
Compromise: We spoke later and she toned down her views and said that maybe it is ok to subtly deliver them to family and my friends, but not friends of my parents. I can be down with that. She is concerned that people will view things as cheaper or less formal if they feel we are hand delivering to save money. I get that and am doing a lot to set high expectations for our event (so people dress nicely and b/c my decor style is very edited and I don’t want my guests to confuse that with “out of budget” since most of the fam subscribes to the “more is more” attitude). She is also concerned about doing it at the shower b/c it seems to her that we just recieved a gift and are now asking for another. I don’t quite get that b/c all of these ladies already presume they will be getting a wedding invite and it will be in the mailbox either that day or Monday anyway. Plus, we aren’t asking for a gift…we are inviting to the wedding.
So, Bees. I am wondering (a) if it is in bad form to hand deliver, (b) if you think it cheapens the feel, and (c) if it is generally ok to hand deliver, is it still ok to do it before or after the shower?
Oh, and FYI even if everyone is like “who cares deliver to everyone” I will still honor my aunt’s request and do it subtly and just for family. I just have that option to see the general opinion…not to blow of my aunt!
Finally, the invites are very, very formal. They are laser cut and the envelope is customized. The RSVP cards are all customized with the guests’ names already entered and the enclosures differ according to OOT/local guest. I have an option on the poll that lets me know if you think hand delivering will cheapen/enhance the invites, regardless of your overall view on ettiquette. I spent way too much time designing these with an artist friend and doing the laser cuts myself to cheapen them!
Thanks for your help!
Post # 3
I don’t really care for invites being hand-delivered. Fiance wanted to do that for some of his co-workers and I was like, “No, invitations are supposed to be mailed!”
I think you’re also cheating yourself out of part of the process. An invitation arriving in the mail is an excitement builder during the wedding process. People will call/text/email and be excited they received your invitation. It creates a little more formality to receive it in the mail, and in my experience (I have a friend that handed them out and emailed them), people take a mailed invitation more seriously (and the RSVP that goes along with it).
How much is it going to save you to hand-deliver them? I wouldn’t do it, personally. ESPECIALLY with formal invites. I do think it cheapens them.
Post # 4
I think you should really do the math to find out how much you would really be saving if you did this. I don’t know how many people you plan to hand deliver them to, but I can’t imagine it saving you much more than 20 or 30 bucks. Maybe your invitations are super heavy and require more postage, but still, I don’t know if it would be worth it to me to risk people thinking it was in bad taste. I know a lot of people would frown upon this, so I just wouldn’t risk it if I were you. Hand delivering an invitation, especially at a shower, just says to me as a guest “I didn’t want to spend the postage on your invitation, so here.”
Post # 5
@09bmlaw: I personally would mail them over hand-delivering them. Especially if you took a lot of time and money to design them. People love getting a beautiful wedding invitation in the mail! 🙂 And it would make it more formal to mail them than to hand-deliver! 🙂 Just a thought. The thought crossed my mind with my FI’s family because I see them frequently but I think it would be better to mail them because they would enjoy getting a pretty invite in the mail! 🙂
Post # 6
I didn’t even hand deliver my parents’ invitation but that is just me.
If you really wanted to hand deliver them I wouldn’t do it at your shower. First, that is your day to enjoy, and yes, I think it would cheapen the invitation. Plus you are suppose to be interacting with guests, playing games, eating, etc not really doing wedding work.
I think with how elegant they sounds you should send them out. IMO.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2013 - Callanwolde Fine Arts Center
I hand delivered invitations to my immediate family and my FI’s immediate family. We were seeing his family right after Christmas and I knew his mom and sister were really excited to see the invitations.
Post # 8
Thanks ladies for the insight! I am anxious to see more responses, of course, but you are providing me with great un-biased answers so far and I appreciate it!
I never really thought about the excitement of getting fun mail or the fact that I don’t want to be doing wedding work! I will post pics on this thread when I get a whole set together later this week. (I hate it when peopl describe some cool/personalized detail then I never get to see it.)
Post # 9
I wouldn’t think twice if I received an invite by hand. Just like you said, “we just got them and I’m too excited to wait!”
Post # 10
I’m hand-delivering as many as possible! Our invites are little books with spines and I worry about them getting crushed in the mail. On top of that postage is expensive and I’ve had more excited reactions from friends (hello big hugs!!!) when giving them out in person. I mailed and hand-delivered the STDs and the hand-delivered ones were far more fun.
It’s not cheap to hand-deliver them, it’s actually putting in a little bit more effort. And frankly, in these shitty economic times anything that saves a bit of money is a good thing!
Post # 11
I’ve never seen the point in mailing invites and risking them getting lost in the post when you can just hand deliver them. The money doesn’t even come into it for me, I just want to know that my invites arrived safely at their destination, and the only way for me to know that for sure is if I hand them out personally!
Post # 12
I think they should be mailed… it’s not a first grade party.
Post # 13
I don’t give one crap the etiquette regarding envelopes/invitations in general. As long as you aren’t doing something rude, it’s all fine with me. Hand delivering stuff is totally fine and perfectly logical from my point of view.
Post # 14
@JrzyGurl: That is a big thing for me. If I were holding on to them for too long or delivering way too early I can see how it screams “cheap.” But I am genuinely excited to get these out.
Agree. That is a big thing for me with wedding planning. I am very distrustful of vendors (b/c it is a generally sleezy industry) and am trying to do as much possible myself and/or have backup plans for everything (I am bringing floral tape and ribbon with me and have been practicing wrapping for months in case my bouquet isn’t right the day-of). The post office is one “vendor” I definitely am having trust issues with — especially with my invites!
Ah, both sides make such great points!
Post # 15
I thought I remembered this question coming up last year sometime – a Bee had asked the same question and I thought I remembered one of the others Bees that is somewhat known for being an expert at etiquette said that this is actually the best form of etiquette when delivering invitations. At least that’s how I think I remembered it – it’s one of those things that stuck with me, like how it’s actually traditionally proper etiquette to respond to invitations on your own stationary, not with an RSVP card.
Regardless, I don’t think it matters. For me, personally, I think it would make it seem more personal, but it looks ike that isn’t the popular opinion :3
Post # 16
I’m very much on the side that invitations need to go through the mail. I would be pretty off-put if someone handed one to me instead of receieving it in the mail. But I’m also a big stickler on etiquette.
Also, you are running a risk of people losing the invitations. When invitations are delivered to someone’s front door, there’s not many places it can go. But when someone gets it in person, it can be left/lost at the hand off location, left or lost in the car, dropped on the way into the house, etc.
People will also be more quick to fill out the RSVP after opening it for the first time. When someone gets it at a party and open it up they think, “Oh, I’ll do this when I get home.” When odds are, they’ll get home and put it somewhere to fill out later.