Post # 1
i have been best friends with two girls since high school ( i am now 30), and one of them has become increasingly selfish in recent years to the point where i wonder if there is any point maintaining a friendship with her.
i asked her to be my maid of honor in my wedding, expecting that she would take some interest, maybe through me a bridal/bachelorette shower, be involved in planning… she over promised and did absolutely nothing… my mom ended up throwing a beautiful shower and she told my mom she would help her and did nothing. i eventually asked her to step down but did it in a way that said my husband and i only were going to have family in the wedding party. she didn’t even care. she was going to treat me to a massage day but that never came through. never brought a gift or a card to the wedding either.
i got over this. a month and a half ago my beloved dog, who is/was basically my child and is my best friend passed away. she offered to come down (lives in my home town an hour north), but all she does is smoke weed and make a mess of the house when she’s around. i didn’t feel like having guests and babysitting. (i didn’t say that obviously) after that, i didn’t hear a peep. not a text or a call to even check in on me.
in the middle of march she broke up with her boyfriend of nine years (for prob the 20th time – very much ok again off again). a week later she meets a new guy online. i find out through our other best friend that she is now married.
married. after knowing him not even three months she got married and didn’t even tell anyone, but at least after the fact told our other friend. and she was mad that our other friend told me because it was supposed to be a “secret”. she has yet to tell me. but now today i see it on facebook.
i dont know what to think anymore. idk if i’m overreacting but i feel like that’s a pretty shitty friend. how am i your supposed best friend if you post your relationship status on facebook before telling me?
Post # 2
shadesofbay : With the combination of run on sentences and the he said she said. Not to mention pretty much expecting your “best friend” to throw you parties in your honor and then kicking her out of your bridal party simply because she isn’t throwing you parties I can’t believe you’re really 30 years old. Sounds like your friend is better of without you because I would be so hurt if my best friend kicked me out of her bridal party because of those reasons to replace me with people she deemee “more important.”
Post # 4
You said that she was unsupportive during your engagement and wedding planning to the point that you asked her to step down as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Then she wasn’t there for you when you dog passed away. (Sorry I know losing a beloved pet is hard) It sounds like the friendship was over before you found out she was married. I would wish her the best and move on from the friendship.
Post # 5
shadesofbay : I guess you have to look back at your relationship with her, and ask yourself if you’ve ever done anything to make her resent you, because that’s what her behavior suggests. I’m not suggesting you did anything wrong—her resentment can be completely unwarranted. If not, and you believe she’s different person than she was in high school, and this behavior is out of character for her, it’s time to have a heart to heart talk with her, and ask what the deal is. If she doesn’t own her unusual behavior, and try work with you to fix the relationship, I would write her off. Hopefully, she’ll start unloading a bunch of baggage that will explain her anger and/or resentment toward your friendship. I hope it works out, Bee.
Post # 6
Sounds like your friendship was over well before her new marriage.
Post # 7
You guys are not friends anymore, you are just holding onto history. Best let it go and find some new friends.
Post # 8
shadesofbay : People can change, or simply just be in a different place in life than you are. Not all friendships last forever. You could have talked to her about how you felt in person if you took her up on her offer to drive down to see you…?
Post # 9
nita07 : She offered to drive down to the OP’s house to be there for her when the dog died, OP didn’t want to “babysit” her
Post # 10
The only example you’ve provided of her alleged “selfishness” is not throwing you entirely optional parties to which you have no real claim in the first place. It IS a bummer if she promised to throw them and didn’t deliver, but… at this point in your friendship, myriad discussions should’ve been had on the topic. That such discussions didn’t take place is really the fault of both of you.
In addition, if she didn’t tell you she was getting married, that suggests (and this IS sad) that she no longer considers you a close friend. Perhaps that’s due to you asking her to step down, perhaps it’s due to something else entirely. Either way, it’s difficult to lose a long-time friend, but people grow and change.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Your first paragraph says it all “she is selfish”. But you ask her to be your moh knowing she is selfish and guess what she was. Kick her out of your wedding party, get upset that she didn’t bring a card of gift, well don’t forget she is selfish so why would she. Than your fur baby passes away, I am so sorry by the way that is always a tough tough situation. But she offers to come down, you say yes but you know she is selfish so you are pretty much setting yourself up. You should have told her no made up some excuse like you did for the wedding party. You had a choice. But then you get made that she smoked weed and made a mess. Well if you didn’t want her to smoke weed than use your words, tell her to pick up after herself!!! If you didn’t want guest’s you should have told her NO. So she gets married to a guy she only has known for 3months. And you think she is a pretty shitty friend for not telling you she is married???? WOW. Girl reread your post. You are calling the kettle totally black right now. Talk about shitty a friend.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I’m confused as to why this is confusing. If she doesn’t benefit your life, then you don’t have to be friends with her. If she’s treating you poorly then…stop hanging out with her.
Post # 13
shadesofbay : It doesn’t even sound like you remotely like this person, or have any ounce of respect for her. Yet she’s supposed to be your best friend?
Post # 14
shadesofbay : just because someone may be your oldest friend doesn’t mean they are your “best” friend. It sounds like this relationship has fizzled – I’d let it.
Post # 15
Sounds like the selfishness runs both ways. You describe all the changes and upheavel in her life but don’t wonder if she’s okay. You kick her out of your wedding party because she didn’t do enough for you. She offered to come be with you after your dog passed away and you turned her down. And then you’re more concerned that you found out about her marriage via facebook than in her well being with this rather sudden marriage. I think this friendship has run its course but you could learn from this too, and look at the kind of friend you are to others, not just what they do/ don’t do for you.