Post # 1
I would like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes I am really peeved by friends and family’s lack of manners. We have friends who got married last summer and never sent a thank you note for the generous present we gave them until April Fools….when they sent a joke thank you post-card: “Oh, they thought we would never send a card…April Fools” and in the note mentioned that they were too busy doing adult things like moving/starting jobs to send a card (like sending a TY card is not a grown-up thing to do!) and would be sending everyone personalized thank you notes the next week, which they still have yet to do. (They also came to our wedding without a card/gift, which of course they are not obligated to, but it just added insult to injury). My mother always taught us to send thank you notes so it also annoys me that my sisters have also negelected to send thank you cards for engagement presents, when I went out of my way to be thoughtful. I threw a really nice shower for my sister and she didn’t bring a hostess present (she also showed up half an hour late)…to be fair, I didn’t really understand the importance of hostess presents until I roomed with my college best-friend, but I made sure to bring one when my sister hosted my bachelorette party so it’s not like she has never heard of it. I realize that not everyone is super thoughtful and there have been times when I’ve sent cards late or have had mail lost. I just wonder if bad manners should be a deal-breaker for friends, if you should intentionally distance yourself from people that are thoughtless. It’s different with family, but how do you react to bad manners?
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Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
vanessa7: I’m like you and those kinds of bad manners bother the hell out of me. I don’t hold it against old friends who I became friends with before manners mattered (high school friends), but it definitely affects new friendships. I would be hesitant to pursue a friendship with someone new if I felt their manners were lacking.
Post # 3
Oh my. I think it’s rude to skip out on thank yous but to spend the time and money to send out a postcard telling people why that haven’t received a thank you yet?! That’s ridiculous.
As far as the hostess present, I would let that go. I didn’t realize that was a thing until I came to the bee. Even when I saw people gave them I didn’t realize that it was widespread. She may have forgotten you got her a gift or didn’t realize that it’s “polite.” Honestly, as a hostess I never ever expect a gift- it seems rather weird to me.
ETA: I didn’t even answer your question! I let it go with family. I haven’t experienced bad manners with any close friends but it has definitely affected the way I look at acquaintances and new friends.
Post # 4
kimmo416: Yeah, the friend was from high school and I don’t think he realizes how rude his behavior comes off as….both he and his new wife just think they are being funny. He lives in a different city so we don’t see each other much, but I don’t particularly care to make an effort to see them. We just don’t have much in common anymore. They want to get together when they’re in town, but it’s awkward when they’re joking about these April Fools thank you postcards and haven’t bothered with getting us a wedding gift.
MrsBeck: Totally ridiculous. They feel like it’s just their style and that no one takes them seriously. <br /><br />The hostess present isn’t a big deal, but it’s just the consistent lack of thoughtfulness that is annoying. I don’t believe in letting your actions be dictated by other people’s behavior, but it is hard to navigate sibling relationships when you want to be close to them, but don’t appreciate their inconsiderateness.
Post # 5
I’m very bothered by bad manners. We’re pretty laid back people but it still pisses me off when people don’t acknowledge a gift we sent or when they don’t stick to the plan and do the no call/no show crap. I don’t know if I’m more lenient with family or friends…I think it really depends on the individual. Some people I expect more from and then there are those folks that you can almost bet every time that they will be rude about something.
Post # 6
I just hope I can raise well-mannered, considerate children! I feel like that would be quite the achievement. It comes down to kindness.