Bad Mom – yep, I said it.

posted 1 year ago in Babies
Post # 16
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Girl, you deserve the BIGGEST round of applause because EVERYBODY goes through that and 99% just act like “No, I just glowed through my whole pregancy! I love washing dirty diapers!”

Post # 18
Member
3019 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

My very wise OB said to me, “I love both of my kids, they’re my world… but I could honestly have done without the first four years of their lives”. It’s okay to hate being a mom right now. My daughter is the best toddler ever but… she’s still a toddler with big feelings who is finding her place in the world and sometimes it drives me absolutely fucking batty. I’ve gone from being squeaky clean to a carboholic who averages two coffees every morning and two alcoholic beverages a night because life is hard right now. It’s okay. 

I do think a lot of this is PPD (I had it the first year of D’s life and the struggle is real), so I hope you get the counseling and/or happy pills you need to get through this! 

Hugs, Mama! You are doing better than you think! 

Post # 19
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

My kids are all mostly grown now (youngest is 16) and I still appreciate this kind of honesty from other moms. 

I hated being up all night with a fussy baby. I hated that all my friends basically vanished when I had them and I was left with a group of “perfect moms” to keep me company  I never got along with any of them. I hated having baby and toddler toys in literally every corner of my home for years. I hated always feeling like I wasn’t good enough at this parenting thing.

But then they put their chubby little hand on your cheek and ask for a snuggle and say they love you and it all feels worth it  

I hated play groups. I dreaded sitting through awful 2 hour long elementary school plays or band concerts when my kid was only in it for 5 freaking minutes. I hated dragging my kids to baseball or soccer practice in the rain and sitting there trying to look pleased to be there. I usually sat in my car and waited. I hated (hate) fighting to get a distracted teenager to focus on homework or have to wake them up fifteen damned times each morning to get them out the door to school. I hated the second week of summer when my cupboards are empty and they’re already “soooooo bored.”

But then they get their first job and buy you a silly mood ring with their first check, just to say thanks for always being there. Or they hug you tight after you help them thru their first heartbreak and say they’re so happy they have you for a mom. 

And all that BS you have hated for years seems totally worth it. Even if just for a brief moment.

Until they follow “I love you, mom” with “can I have $20?” And you’re already reaching for your purse before they get the words out because you already know. 😂😂

Post # 20
Member
6243 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Yup- So much of what you said- honestly- it’s why our son is 8 and I’m just now willing to have another child (and also why I’ve said that if my lady parlour is like “Nope! We’re shut for business. The production line is CLOSED.” I’d be sad but I don’t think I’d be devastated.) It’s also why I’m only willing to have ONE more child versus the 3 more my husband imagines he’d like.

It’s also a big part of why so many women all over the globe, when asked if they had a choice about it and the birth control to support it, usually say that they would prefer to have no more than 2 children (if at all).

It’s an ass kicker.

Post # 21
Member
752 posts
Busy bee

Yeah, being pregnant sucked. It really fucking sucked. I’m not doing it again.

My daughter is beyond the light of my life but motherhood is also a bit of a pain in the tits. 

None of this makes you a bad mother

Post # 22
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’ve always been on the fence because I know that is exactly how I will feel. But what if I still resent my child and don’t think it was worth it.

Post # 23
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I will play!

I love my almost 14 year old son more than life itself. That said…

-I think it’s BS that no matter how involved dads are (and his is VERY involved) moms often end up taking the lead on this whole parenthood thing. I would be much more inclined to have another if I could do the “dad” thing instead of the mom bit. You know, orgasm, then have someone pop out a kid for you 9 months later, and while you’re really involved and all that, moms still do most of the emotional labor of picking out car seats, arranging play dates, worrying about everything….

-I want my kid to become a great, wellrounded individual. I put a lot of time and effort into his well being and education. BUT… over 14 years, I’ve never really come to love character or childhood development. I do it because it needs to be done 

-teenager years suck. big time.

Post # 24
Member
2799 posts
Sugar bee

Having a newborn (or 2 at once) was boring. Never breastfeed. Pumped but that ended quickly. Had a craft beer a day while pumping. Took Ambien during pregnancy for mental health insomnia not to go crazy. Don’t run to the nursery the minute baby cries. Now they are on a schedule and even if fussing before “wake up time “ – oh well. Sometimes give Tylenol for low grade fever to send to daycare and not miss more days at work. Teach to do chores starting at 12 months old. List goes on. 

Post # 25
Member
2799 posts
Sugar bee

And toddlers bedtime is 730pm so parents get plenty of adult time….or have adult friends over for drinks in the evenings. 

Post # 26
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

anonmom2018 :  Ummm, were you just looking to vent?

I have a 16 month old and am due the beginning of August with my second.  At one time I went through all the feelings you went through, especially all the changes my body was going through.

But I don’t think any of that makes you a “bad mom” so I guess I’m a little confused on why you feel like you are? 

Post # 27
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This. I tell people though. I don’t pretend. My almost 3 month old is a difficult baby. She is adorable and I love her immensely, but she is a pain directly in my ass. I hate when I tell people that, they make excuses for her. Like, that’s normal. She’s fine. She’s just fussy because she had her shots. My husband is her biggest advocate. He spends as much time with her as I do, but he will practically fight me when I say she is a difficult baby. He says, all babies are like this. Dude. Not true. My baby doesn’t seem to like anything. She will tolerate something at best. She rarely smiles. If she’s not eating or sleeping, she’s whining. It’s the worst. I cry a lot because I worry that this is her personality. I wanted a sweet baby, but I didn’t get one. 

Again, when I share this with people, they rush to make excuses. Not sure why it’s hard for people to accept my truth. Either way, I still adore her. I can adore her and still think she’s a little shit. When she wakes up, it feels like my birthday…that is until it feels like doomsday. Lbdas. 

Post # 28
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

zoraneale :  Your daughter sounds exactly like how mine was.  She was colicky for the first 3 months and I hated every second of it.  She did get better – much better, like one day she was magically better.  I hope the same happens with your little one.

Post # 30
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I have never been pregnant before, but I have seen my mother go through several pregnancies, and in every single one, she was on cloud nine. Even the third one, where she was bed-ridden because the baby was pressed against her spine? She was pure joy. Elated. Not a moment of “oh this sucks” – every time I saw her, she was smiling. Even years later, friends of her recount the days where she was crawling on the kitchen floor because she couldn’t walk (that awful third pregnancy) and how she was just smiling and laughing the whole time.

And even after, being a mom with infants and toddlers? She was still elated. 

This could be due to the fact that before she conceived me, she was told she may never have kids. She had me, then several years later, she started popping out babies like nobody’s business, and she hasn’t complained a single day about all the gross diapers, sore nipples (she always breastfed), heavy strollers, or any of this. 

I think gratitude simply became her armor against all the lousy stuff you mention. I have never known anyone more eager and happy to be a mother. But, clearly, she is the minority here. I just hope that I am as thrilled and joyful as she was when I conceive. Being any kind of happy is better than being miserable about things you can’t change. 

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