(Closed) Bad news

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Ultimately never…. 
Though that is often not an option

People often have a practise of telling people on the way home or as they arrive home so that it doesn’t cast a shadow over the rest of the event but it depends if they need to be back to help deal with the situation.

I’d personally rather people didn’t wait to tell but rather updated as it happened.

Post # 3
Member
1704 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

My parents always waited and I hated it. Tell me now, so I can choose how to react and if I want to change my plans. 

Post # 5
Member
5005 posts
Bee Keeper

Your post is incredibly vague, so I don’t think you’re going to get any kind of definitive answer from anyone that will be the kind of helpful you want it to be.

I think generally, most people don’t want to be lied to.  It isn’t that they WANT bad news early or later – most want it not at all.  However, I think most people don’t want to feel like they have been lied to and withholding news that may affect them can feel like a lie of omission, depending on the circumstances.  So, really, it will depend on the news.  If it directly affects them or say it is about the health of a loved one, then I think that has the higher probability of a bad reaction if you wait, especially if you’re in contact with them regularly (You’ve known for X weeks and didn’t tell us?!?) – but that will really depend on the people involved and how they typically react.  I think it also depends on whether there can be a swift resolution or not or how much information you have at the time.  If it’s something where there is a lot of uncertainty involved, but you might have greater certainty after something else happens in a week, it may be better to wait until you have more information – but that also depends on how the people involved typically react to other bad news.

So, there is no one size fits all here.

Post # 6
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Because your post includes “as a parent” I take it to mean the bad news would be about my child. Is this right? So I would want to know right away. 

Post # 7
Member
3232 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m pregnant so not a mom yet, but I am a dog mom. If I am away on vacation and something happened to one of them I would ABSOLUTELY want to know right away. If I came back and found out something had been wrong with my dog for days or say, dog had been missing or some other bad news and I hadn’t been told, I would be pissed. 

Post # 9
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

View original reply
greensunflowerbee :  That’s not really bad news…it’s not going to affect them at all.  I think it can wait.  If your sibling was in the hospital or worse then obviously they should be told ASAP but in this case I definitely don’t think this is urgent news…

Post # 10
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
greensunflowerbee :  If they call to check in then tell them she had a mishap and is okay – make it as minor as possible and leave out scary details. Little fender-bender, she’s all good. Give the full story when they return.

But I wouldn’t call to tell them specifically, since she is okay and not hospitalized.

Now, as a mother, were it one of my young kids I’d be freaking if I found out there had been an accident. (But I also wouldn’t go on vacation away from my young kids).

Ultimately, had your sister been badly hurt or worse (God forbid) then it is imperative to get ahold of the immediate family even if on vacation to notify them so they can return earlier. 

Post # 11
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It really depends on the situation. If it’s a family member hurt in hospital – yes, I definitely want to know, so that I can make the decision as to whether I’ll cut short my vacation or not. If it’s someone dying of cancer and they only have a few days to live, I’d be very angry if I was having a relaxing vacation when I could have been with that person one last time. 

If, however, it’s something more minor, then I’d be ok to not hear about it. If my teen scratched my car when out driving, then leave it til I get home. 

I think in your case – a minor accident where no one is in hospital – I’d leave til they get home. Your sister is ok. There’s nothing your parents can do at this point. So don’t ruin their vacation 

Post # 12
Member
5005 posts
Bee Keeper

You could go either way with that, I think.  Since there are no injuries to anyone involved then waiting might not be the worst thing.  As long as it wasn’t your parents vehicle or would involve their own insurance.  However,  since they’re aren’t injuries involved, I don’t see the harm telling them,  either. I know with my mom,  even a minor injury would have her ready to come home and be with me,  but no injury would just involve incessant questioning about the accident details and what insurance said (and maybe still an offer to come home but not as serious). While annoying to deal with, is relatively harmless. 

Had it been you got fired from a job,  or your house burned down,  or you found out you need a biopsy, the answers might be different.  An accident with no injuries and not their property could wait though.  I don’t think it HAS to wait,  but it could. 

Post # 13
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
greensunflowerbee :  I think if she walked away unhurt…you are the one overreacting if you go against her wishes and tell your parents. It sounds like a minor fender bender where the biggest pain will probably be dealing with insurance for property damage. I am fairly sure no one in my family could even tell you what minor fender benders others in the family have got into – I have been rear ended twice over my 21+ years or driving and I would say only my husband knows about them.

I, after seeing many serious illnesses and deaths in my family including while I was on holidays, am very much of the don’t borrow trouble mindset. Meaning, one step at a time. Your sister is fine. Don’t start thinking of the worst that could happen before it does (or never does).

My answer would be different if there had been severe injuries/hospitalization or something.

 

Post # 14
Member
3232 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
greensunflowerbee :  yeah, with the added details I don’t think it’s necessary to disrupt your parents’ vacation to tell them. She is an adult and she’s fine. 

My brother’s friend’s older brother overdosed and very sadly died a few months ago. His parents were on their way to Paris and they were called with the news as soon as they landed. Of course they turned around and came back immediately. 

Post # 15
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t bother my parents with something like this while they’re on vacation, especially if I was asked not too.

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