(Closed) bad reaction to budoir pics

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i’m sorry that he wasn’t more thrilled with his gift but honestly, some guys are just not into that sort of thing.  i have a feeling that your fi loves you far deeper than in only a sexual way and maybe he felt awkward seeing you in those pictures.  what your fi expressed was open and honest, don’t take it personally.  tbh, my dh is not into sexy lingerie and stuff.  however, we have an incredible sex life.  he says that he is attracted (or turned on) to me in anything i wear.  i think my dh would react the same way as your fi.

Post # 19
589 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)

@joya_aspera:  +1 My Fiance would not like them. I don’t think that makes him controlling or means he has issues though as other PP’s have mentioned. I think that’s a really big leap. I wouldn’t want sexy photos of him simply because I wouldn’t want them. He’s allowed to not like things without it being a statement on his character. 

Post # 20
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think boudoir is one of those things that isn’t great as a surprise.  My husband loved my boudoir photos, however he had already met our photographer before we even discussed doing a boudoir shoot.  In addition, it was something he chose (bridal vs boudoir).  I find this similar to opposite sex friendships, some couples are okay with it while others are not.

Post # 21
3276 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I feel the same way he does, like what is he supose to do with him? I asked my fiance’ if he would want them and he said no. It kinda hurts a bit but you gotta understand his point. I would feel very awkward receiving those pictures from a SO. My Fiance would also be mad if I wasted money on them. Sorry it hurt your feelings but it’s probably something you should have discussed first before spending money on them. 

Post # 22
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I also brought up the idea with my Fiance and he said he wouldn’t want me to do them either. He really didn’t like the idea of pictures of me like that being anywhere. No matter how much you trust the photographer or yourself to keep the photos in a safe place, he felt like things happen and he would never want anyone else getting ahold of those pictures. Even if it was by accident if they were in our home. I know he’d also take issue with the cost and think it’s a waste of money that we could use for something more practical.

It’s too bad that you found out how he felt after you already had the photos taken. I would just keep them for yourself like PPs have mentioned.

Post # 23
1988 posts
Buzzing bee

@PinkMermaid:  ROFL!!!! That “I’d take the photos away from him made me struggle not to spit the food that was in my mouth”

Post # 24
109 posts
Blushing bee

This made me think of Sean and Catherine from the Bachelor. Catherine made the whole concept seem completely desparate and needy.  I do think that his reaction is a bit unfortunate, given the amount of time and effort you probably put into it. If he is more traditional, I can completely understand why he feels this way. Don’t feel too bad though. It was your way of surprising him and he didn’t quite like it. It happens. I have given my Boyfriend or Best Friend tons of things that he wasn’t all that receptive to. In the end, I learned from it. I just hope you aren’t feeling embarassed.


Post # 25
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’ve heard of guys reacting this way before, and to me it almost seems like a tiny version of the fabled “Madonna/Whore” complex. Many (most) guys are completely comfortable viewing anonymous women, porn-stars, and celebrities in various states of undress and even a pornographic capacity, because they can place themselves “above” those women and throw them away as “whores.” However, when their SO tries to copy this behaviour, it makes them uncomfortable because they need to continue to view their partner as a “Madonna” – pure and sacred and, well, un-“whore”-ish. There is no room for overlap between the two within this mindset. One is either the Madonna or the Whore.

Might be a stretch but it’s just a thought.

I’m in no way saying the OP’s Fiance has issues or a serious complex – they seem like they communicated effectively about the issue.

Post # 26
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@libertine_lady:  are you in the UK? I saw you got engaged at the Harry potter studio tour. If so, he probably reacted that way because as you said in your post this is a REALLY uncommon thing to do (I’d never even heard of doing this until joining WB). So it’s probably unknown territory for him and that’s why he feels uncomfortable. Personally I think it’s great that he was able to articulate his feelings to you like that and it bodes well for great communication in your marriage. But I’m sorry his reaction wasn’t what you were expecting.

Post # 27
1460 posts
Bumble bee

@PinkMermaid:  +1. Gimme back my stuff then and I’d better not catch you peeking at them in 30 years either. *facepalm*

Now I realize that might seem like an immature, insane reaction but I would be so salty, especially if there had been no indication that he was prude-ish when it came to sexual things. 

I’m legitimately surprised by all these posts patting your Fiance on the back for speaking up and telling you he didn’t like it. You thought out an awesome, loving gift for your Fiance and went to the lengths and spent the money to give it to him. He didn’t like it and he told you his feelings, yay communication. And now you’re free to skip off in the sunset hand-in-hand.

But let me flip this situation-he spent his thought and money on a gift for you (a ring maybe?) that you didn’t like and you sat him down to tell him how you honestly felt…there would be stones thrown on this thread along with jeers that you should have kept your ugly, spoiled mouth shut. I get it, it’s a reach…ring vs boudoir pics, there’s barely a comparison…but for the all the “a gift’s a gift” gracious bees, why not here?

Post # 28
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I can’t imagine spending a bunch of money on pictures that I wouldn’t frame and hang on the wall.

Post # 29
6353 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

@smg5281:  100% Agree.  DH would not have liked them and it doesn’t have anything to do with him being controlling or having issues.

Post # 30
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@libertine_lady:   sighhh my husband didnt care for them either… It would be a huge waste of $1600 + lingerie but i realized I really did it more for me. My husband would be just as happy with a regular cell phone shot or the real thing, he doesnt need me in makeup with my hair done up –but I did. i wanted some kind of proof for “someday” that i was gorgeous too… 

He said he liked it, but it really wasnt the reaction I wanted… oh well…






Post # 31
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I think it’s great you guys can speak openly about it.  

Honestly, my husband wouldn’t be into boudoir photos either.  I think there’s an element of “trying too hard” that’s just a turn off for some guys. To me, I never understood boudoir photos because it’s not quite masturbation material (men just do not beat it off to pictures of their SOs… unless it’s one of those XXX cell phone pics), but it’s not quite meant to be a Sports Illustrated cover either.  I think it’s more about the person taking the picture than the recipient. 


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