Post # 1
So, my grandfather has lung cancer. Stage 4. Hospice just arrived.
They have him 3-4 weeks.
My wedding is 4 weeks from today.
It is completely possible that he will still live for months or will die tomorrow.
But I have a HUGE fear that he will die a few days before or ON the day of my wedding… or even worse, while we are honeymooning in Mexico the week after.
I know that he would want me to do everything as planned if this were to happen: Have the wedding, enjoy the honeymoon, etc. It is just heartbreaking thinking about having to get married the day that my grandfather (who I happen to be very close to–he is only 60 yrs. old) died.
Has this happened to anyone else? Or does anyone have any suggestions for me and my family to consider? We are at a loss.
Post # 3
Oh my word. I am so very sorry. I wish this wasn’t happening to you, and I really hope your grandfather is able to hold on and make it for much longer than anyone anticipates! 🙁
Would you and your Fiance consider doing a civil ceremony where your grandfather and close family could be present, while still having the wedding as planned? That way he could still see you get married in case something happens?
Another thing to consider is calling all your honeymoon vendors (airlines, resorts, etc) and letting them know your situation and asking if, in an emergency, could your tickets and reservations be moved to another date? Giving them a heads up now might save you some stress later.
Again, I am so, so sorry that you are going through this… I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!!
Post # 4
awe honey, i am so sorry. I just lost my great grandfather in November to cancer so I know exactly what you are going through. Just try to stay positive and keep telling yourself that your grandfather would want you to enjoy every bit of your wedding regardless of his physical condition.
Post # 5
Althought this was many years ago (32), I still feel the sadness from this.
My grandmother died four days before my wedding, and we were very close. I used to take her out to dinner every month and she was such a special lady! The month before, she came to my home for dinner and I pinned her dress for hemming. She liked my husband very much which was especially wonderful because we are from different cultures.
She hadn’t been feeling well and asked my mom to come stay with her. The week before our wedding, I had been given a shower at work and went to her home to tell her all about it. While we were talking, she made me promise that I would go ahead with the wedding even if she wasn’t able to join us. Well, as you can imagine, I didn’t really think she wouldn’t be with us, so I agreed. She died four days later.
It was so hard! My family was crushed and I’d made her a promise! All our guests were local so my mom decided that she didn’t want the obituary printed in the newspaper until the week following Grandma’s death. Well, the newspaper printed it both on the Friday and Saturday which was just awful.
The day of my wedding, my sister told me that Grandma died because I didn’t need her any more. It just made me sick.
The picture of my dad and I waiting to walk down the aisle is so sad, so I don’t show them to anyone. We got through it, I carry my grrandma’s love with me and remember her humor and goodness often, and we just move on. It’s certainly not always easy. But, I have a special picture of her and my grandpa on their fifieth anniversary which makes me smile. I hope to add mine to a triple frame (wih my parents) when we reach fifty.
Words of advice. Go ahead with your planning and be joyful. That is what your grandpa wants. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, so we must do the best we can and share our love as much as we can. You are fortunate to have loved ones to support you. My family was not big on talking about one’s feelings and that made my loss so much worse.
I truly wish you all the best.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry. My Grandma died of Lung Cancer almost 7 years ago. They gave her 4 months and they were pretty spot on and I never got to say goodbye.
I really hope that it won’t be the case with your Grandfather. I hope he will be there for the wedding and when you come home from your Honeymoon. I wish I had advice for you. *hugs*
Post # 7
I am SO sorry to hear this! *hugs* My uncle (who raised my dad after his parents died when he was young) found out he had stage 4 in November was was given days to live and he lived over two months. Anything is possible! I hope the best for you and your family!
Post # 8
Wow I am so sorry… that is the ultimate wedding bummer =( My grandma just died of lung cancer last october and just as a warning it is really rough to watch. I hope he can hang on to see you get married.
This honestly makes me want to start bawling.
Post # 9
Thanks for the comments. I know we will just have to go on with the wedding if this happens, but it is just so scary. I don’t want to be depressed at my wedding.
Piglet 625: The civil ceremony is a great idea! And one I hadn’t considered before. Maybe I will give that some thought.
Post # 10
That is such a difficult thing to be going through, for everyone involved, but especially for you and your parent.
It’s good that you are going through with your plans. Perhaps you could have a special part of the ceremony when you mention relatives who are ill or who have passed away (in the Catholic tradition, this would be during the prayer of the faithful and might include a candle lighting and special prayer).
Post # 11
I really like the civil ceremony idea. That way even though you’ll be going thru the motions of a wedding if something does happen atleast the two dates won’t be similar enough to bring sadness to your anniversary date. My grandfather died of cancer almost 5 years ago and it’s to this day one of the saddest things for me to face. I’ll be praying for you and your family during this difficult time.
Post # 12
I am sooo sorry to hear this! Being the daughter of two cancer patients at this time, planning my own wedding, I say go forward with it. My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer last year, and my mom with breast cancer this Christmas. I had some really good long heart to hearts with them and they both said to move forward with the planning and wedding. I think for them, it was important to see that their cancer did not affect me anymore than it had to, and the wedding was a goal for them, something to look forward to during the hard times. I know nothing can make you feel better right now, just remember what your grandpa would want from you! I have an aunt who was given 6 months to live, 1.5 years ago, and is still kicking! Stay positive, have faith and enjoy the time with him while you can. Talk to him (if he is able) and tlak to your family, you will know what is best for you, and by the sounds of it, you already know what you should do. I know it’s a hard decision and you may feel selfish about it, but you will know! I’m going through it too! Goodluck 🙂
Post # 13
I understand what a hard time this is. My husband’s mother died 3 1/2 weeks before our wedding. (28 years ago), and my mom died last summer, one month (to the day) before my daughter got married. When my mom asked me to fly home so she could say good-bye, I phoned my daughter (from my mom’s house and told her that she wouldn’t want my mom to attend her wedding in her condition. My mom could no longer dance or eat, and could only stay up for 2 hours maximum at a time. It was clear that my mom would not be at my daughter’s wedding “in the flesh”, but I told my daughter that no matter what, that my mom would NOT miss her wedding. And my mom acknowledged this in her last days on earth. Of course my daughter’s wedding day, was full of getting ready, bustle and decorating etc. The day of my daughter’s wedding I put all my energy into enjoying the day with all the family that we have left (most were able to make it). Then, in a quiet moment when I was all alone, the most miraculous thing happened. I left to get my hair done, and when I pulled back into the parking lot at the venue, before I even stopped my car, I could HONESTLY feel the PRESENCE of both my mom and dad-the first time ever that I felt them be together in 5 years, since my dad had died. I could tell that she was free from cancer, and could now freely “dance” at and celebrate the wedding after all. It is strange to say this to a stranger, but I realized that my mom had known where the venue was, and she went to bring my dad to my daughter’s wedding so they could be together for it. Don’t you worry-your grandfather WILL NOT MISS your wedding-no matter what!!! Tonight I am in the house alone. And I again got the sense that my mom is with me. We are awaiting the birth of my second granddaughter. I think my mom is here, because the baby is due 6-5, and will be here very soon!!! My dad always visited me when I was rocking my first granddaughter. Best Wishes for a happy wedding day, no matter what happens. Hugs. Rhonda
Post # 14
I’m really glad I could help! I hope things go well for you both!
Post # 15
I am so sorry to hear about this. I am going through something similar. My grandfather is 72, and I am 22. He just had a Massive/severe stroke at the beginning of March. His right side is paralyzed, and he’s not able to do a lot on his own barely at all. The doctors have told us that he is trying to communicate and get better but his body is slowing shutting down. My wedding is still 13 months away… so I am hoping they are wrong, and my grandfather gets through it all.
Good luck and God Bless! I hope your grandfather is ok.
Post # 16
my grandmother was diagnosed with stage four lung a liver cancer 4 months before my wedding, they gave her 4 months to live 🙁 i just found out today that her and my grandpa won’t make it to my wedding because of the chemo(it makes her to sick to leave to bathroom), i feel you, it’s not easy for sure, and i’m really sorry that you have to go through this