- 4 years ago
The waiting game is really starting to grind on me. I am by turn excited, hopeful, antsy, impatient, and completely desolate. Sometimes I’m lucky enough that I can have a good laugh at myself for agonizing every time he bends over to tie his shoe… but today I’m having a bad day. I had a meltdown last night that surprised even me – I didn’t realize I was so frustrated until it came out as a big outburst.
Some background: we’ve been together 4 years, and shopped for rings together 2 months ago. As a total aside – I found the PERFECT ring which we both love. He has indicated that he intends to get that ring, and that a proposal is forthcoming. He is supportive, funny, and kind. We have a warm, happy relationship. We talk about the future frequently, and discuss wedding venues and styles too. This comes from him as much as me in conversation, although I spare him my Pinterest boards. For now. 😉
So why the meltdown? A few things…
He has just spent a week out of town for work, which I expected would distract him from any potential proposal planning. Obviously, now that he’s back, I’m back on full WHEN WHEN WHEN watch. I can’t stop myself from doing this! Especially since it’s been a couple months since shopping for rings, and we’re planning a week long vacation later this month.
All that would be manageable, but since he’s been home, he’s been a brick wall to me. Quiet and distracted. Asking him about his day is like pulling teeth. However, we live with another couple in a large loft (the girl is my best friend and the guy is his best friend), and last night after giving me dull yes and no answers, he starts laughing and making inside jokes with our female roommate (my bff).
I was so hurt by this that I pulled him aside discreetly and honestly I blew a gasket anded ended up in tears, telling him that I couldn’t handle waiting anymore, that I was sick of talking “at” him instead of “with” him, and that I didn’t know how much longer I could last in this situation. And he didn’t say a word. Again. I got no feedback whatsoever. He sort of shrugged it off and left to play video games with our roommates and their guests. I went to sleep angry, and this morning he acted as if nothing happened.
I feel so hopeless about the situation. I don’t want to nag him into opening up to me, because frankly I don’t think that will help. Now I feel further than ever from a proposal, and I want to heal whatever went wrong in the last week. I can’t tell if the stress is just getting to me/us, or if pre-proposal delirium has distracted me from real problems in our relationship.