- 7 years ago
So this is my first time really posting. My apologies if this gets a bit lengthy.
I have been my Boyfriend or Best Friend (cringe just typing that) for 4.5 years. It was 10 months into it that he said he wanted to marry me and felt ready. I thought to myself ” holy cow I might be engaged by christmas. That was Christmas of 2008! We’ve been living together for 2+ years. When we moved in together I told him the only hesitation I had was that we’d be one of those couples that never gets married. He said we would be engaged in 6 months. So I agreed.
He had to change jobs to avoid a lay off. The 6 months came and went and I said nothing of engagement. I was understanding of the job changing. Now he’s almost 2 years in his new job.
I am not the type of girl who ever ever brings up engagement. In fact I try NOT to say anything as to not pressure. He’s the type of guy that if you tell him to do something, he’ll do the opposite. He brings up marriage ALL the time. “When we get married….” or “how do you feel about this name for a kid?”
To make matters worse, his little brother and his gf are most likely getting engaged by X-mas. This is all I hear about when I’m around his family…their engagement… I am happy for them and I would never speak an ill word about it but it makes me sick to my stomach. I just can’t help it. And when Boyfriend or Best Friend told me he acted like it was no big deal. No “i can’t believe they’re getting engaged before us.” nothing of the sort.
I want to cry typing all this. Partially because it feels so good to get it but I am having nightmares about the situation. I have horrible anxiety.
I should add that I do a lot of things by myself and have a lot of hobbies. So it’s not like I haven’t been trying to keep myself busy. I work full time, volunteer at a childrens hospital weekly, go out with girlfriends, etc.
Last week in bed I said “do you still want to get married?” and he said “yes, of course. why would you ask that?” WHY??????? SERIOUSLY???? I just said “so we’re on the same page.” he said “relax. it will happen.” Thats all I got.
Back in september he said his best friend would likely get engaged before us. He’s been dating the girl 9 months maybe. And i said “is there some timeline in your head for us or what?” and he said he wanted to get promoted at work before we got engaged. So in October he got promoted…
Here’s where the advice part comes in…
So I’m thinking that on March 31rst if we are not engaged I will tell him I am looking for my own place. I’m tired of living a psuedo marriage. End of March will be 6 months of him in his management position. Is this fair??????? Watch him say “yea, i got promoted but it’s the next higher position i want.” i feel like it’s always something…
And how horrible is it that I just want december over. I’m tired of hearing “maybe you’ll get a ring this christmas!’ No, I won’t. I’ve been asked countless times what I want for christmas and he’s going out of state. I also just want the little brother to get engaged. Rip the bandaid already.
I’m having a not fun December and I normally LOVE the holidays. I hate the person this is making me but I don’t know how to pick myself up.
I feel like people all around me are thinking “there must be something wrong with that girl.” Or “that poor girl is getting strung along.” ugh. I just don’t have a positive outlook on this at all.
Thanks for those of you who made it through!