- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Bear with me, I just need to vent and that’s what you all are here for, right? Sorry this is a novel, if any of you get through it, thank you!!
Yesterday was my birthday. My SO took me to dinner this past Saturday, and got me a spa gift certificate for an hour facial and an hour massage and a fancy spa. I was very thankful and happy, I hadn’t expected a proposal for my birthday so I wasn’t disappointed, I was very thankful and told him that. I woke up when he got home Monday night (actually technically my birthday since it was about 1 a.m. on Tues. morning) and he was bringing me flowers and a card to set on the nightstand by my side of the bed, trying carefully not to wake me up (that’s what he said). He also said he wanted to be the first one to wish me a happy birthday and have me wake up to these beautiful roses. So I was over the moon happy and so thankful he was so romantic and tried so hard, since he really isn’t like that by nature.
So I’m happy happy joy joy throughout my birthday day. I had to work, so did he, and he doesn’t get out until 9 pm. when it’s not snowing (he plows). So I went to the gym, and relaxed after work at home by myself. We were both hoping it didn’t snow so that he didn’t have to work until 12:30 a.m. since then we couldn’t spend any time together on my actual birthday. He came home at 9 pm. and I was so happy to have some together time. However, he came in, gave me a kiss and said happy birthday and proceeded to get in his pjs and lay on the recliner to watch tv. like any normal night. We have a large sectional so if he’s on the recliner side of it and I’m on the chaise side of it, we are kind of far apart from each other. So I was feeling kind of like, ok, let him unwind for a bit, but really that was it. At one point he did come over to give me a hug and kiss and cuddled for about 5 minutes.
SO has had some lack of libido issues (I’ve posted about before) relating (according to his Dr.) to his anti-anxiety meds which he is slowly decreasing. He actually was doing pretty good in December, and we definitely improved with frequency.
The last time we had sex was 1/5. So I was expecting it, honestly, since it was my birthday and it’s been awhile. But we’ve talked before about this and he feels a little more comfortable when he initiates so that it doesn’t put pressure on him when I initiate (although he’s up for me initating sometimes, just not everytime I’m horny, which is way more than him due to this lately).
So when I realized nothing else was happening, I said I was going to bed, because I was tired (I really was after working and the gym, and it was about 11 p.m.). He could tell something was wrong. I mentioned that I just thought the night was going to go different, since it was my birthday and he did so well leading up to it. He was hurt that he thought I was disappointed in him and that he “dropped the ball”.
We ended up having a marathon talking it out session where we both talked about the anxiety and stress that this waiting period has put on both of us. He said that he’s been thinking a lot lately about our life and long-term, and he said it’s good stress, but still it’s very big and maybe that does have something to do with his lack of libido lately. He said he’s been thinking about marriage and everything for a long time, longer than I know and although he is just now really putting everything into motion, he’s been planning it or at least thinking about our life together (house, marriage, kids, etc) for a long time. He said that he wants to propose to me, like yesterday, but he doesn’t have quite enough yet to get me the ring he wants to get me (not specifically but just price range, which isn’t going to be a lot but he is not well-off). He said the pressure from friends and family has gotten to be even more this last month or two (holidays – christmas, my birthday, our 2nd anniversary and valentine’s day are all within 2 months) so it’s become like a pressure cooker. I told him I feel the same way, co-workers, friends, family, everyone is taking everything I say as a sign he may propose (he’s taking me on a wine tour tomorrow, we’re going to an anniversary dinner, etc…). It’s getting to be too much, and almost ruining this experience for us He said he can’t wait to get the ring and propose already, that he has wanted to do it for a little bit now, and has thought about it for a long while, but financially he just has to finish that and then he’ll be set and ready to go.
Luckily, hearing that the other is going through these emotions helped us both. He told me flat out that he felt better just knowing that we talked this out and I feel like this too. I said “let’s just say it’s not happening until after Valentine’s Day, k? Just to take the pressure off” He said “Well what if it happens before then?” (eeek!!) I said “Well then I’ll be really surprised then right? haha” But I just felt like saying that would help me try to put it out of my mind and just enjoy these holidays without the pressure. Like I said, up until the night, my birthday was fabulous and he did great with my present even though it wasn’t a ring. In fact, it probably was the perfect gift to help with the stress!
Whew!!! Thanks anyone who got through all of that!!