(Closed) Bad waiting day

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

It sounds like you may have just picked a very poor time to approach him about the subject and he may have reacted, again, poorly. I would, of course, wait until the dust has settled from the roommate and then broach the subject again. 

However, sometimes people will say things in the wrong way when they are upset, but there could be something to his complaint. If he really did say, “I need you to stop pushing me to commit,” then it might be time to discuss what kind of commitment he is willing to make and if you are okay with that level of commitment for now. 

Post # 5
4358 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I didn’t want to offer aany advice before because I had a similar thing happen to me a few months ago.  The post is here (and there is some good advice there) but this is what I said in it: 

“I said [told SO] I’d like to think that by this time next year there’d be a plan to get married; I said it in what I thought was a cutesy, romantic way but he freaked out. He brought up that right at the beginning of our relationship I mentioned I didn’t think I could wait 8 years for a guy. I said this because he’d mentioned that he was with his ex 8 years and they broke up partially because of the wait (from what I gather). Marriage is important to me and I thought since the topic came up, it was only fair to mention it. Now it comes out that he feels like that was an ultimatum. At a time when I didn’t even know if he was the guy I wanted to spend 8 months with, let alone 8 years or get married to!”

The thing is, it really was just a bad day.  I’ve kept a little more quiet as of late.  But he still brings it up from time to time (we both do).  Sending me text messages “can we do xyz at our wedding?” or bringing it up in conversation for no reason “I think I am going to get your ring made out of the country because it’s so expensive here”.

Ultimately, I just had to learn to let him do his thing.  Only the other day I mentioned when it came up that I didn’t need the expensive ring (not the first time either) and he told me it’s about pride.  He has pride.  And the only way for him to buy a ring he’d be proud of is for me to wait.

I’m sure it’ll happen.  But the fact your SO was upset about your crazy housemate meant he probably wasn’t in a dicussing-the-future mood.

And on the housemate thing: nip that in the bud.  She’s breaking the lease. Not to mention she’s breaking the law. She needs to grow up.

Post # 6
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t know how long you’ve been together or how serious your talks have been, but I would do as he said and give it a break. After being with my fiance for 9 yrs before he proposed, I can tell you that no amount of talking will speed up his readiness.

Give your SO a break and if it makes you feel better, give yourself a goal of not mentioning it, for say a month.

It sounds like you’ve asked for a lot of things by the end of the year. Those things are big and might be overwhelming. Perhaps he wants them all, as well, but so many goals to fill by the year’s end can be overwhelming. I’d slow down on it and take it a goal at a time, because giving him so many things to focus on might result in NONE of it coming to being.

Post # 8
5064 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Sounds to me like he’s overwhelmed and just needs to chill for a bit.

Post # 9
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I agree with @Soon2BD-CBee:.  I suggest cooling it on the engagement talk for a few days.  He probably just needs some time to relax after having to deal with these problems, and talking about an upcoming engagement is typically not relaxing for most men.

Post # 10
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@HelleCat:  I think you just picked a bad time to talk to him – he was clearly upset (asking to sleep on his own, etc.), and to suddenly feel pressured by you when he was already under some stress (guys can get emotional too!), may have been too much to handle. I think maybe you should just apologise for pressuring him and wait for a few days/weeks to start discussing the future 🙂

Post # 11
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m going to second a good number of the PPs and say that you just chose a really terrible time to bring all of it up. I’d give it until this roommate is out of the house  before you bring it up again. It sounds like she’s a constant source of stress for you two, and having her gone will probably take a lot of stress off him. After that, though, you should try to bring it up again, but wait until he is in a really good mood and not super stressed about things.

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