Post # 1
Well, I just received knows that one of my best friends got engaged over the weekend… While I’m happy for her(really, I am), this now makes me the LAST one out of our friends… she and I have both been with our SO’s around 5 years and she was the one I run to on bad waiting days and vice versa….
SO was around when I read the text and all he said was “GREAT…. ANOTHER freaking wedding I have to go to.”
there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t get a comment from somebody about being engaged/married/having a husband/whatever anit it just makes me so miserable inside.
i really don’t know how much longer i can take this..
Post # 3
well he sounds pretty enthused about marriage. do you have a timeline?
i can relate somewhat, watching everyone around you move forward with marriage etc while youre stagnant in your relationship can hurt.
having a timeline helps.
Post # 4
@Helloemi: I was really mean to a friend from HS when she was the second one in 2 days to ask if We were engaged yet. I said “No, Are you?” Knowing full well she didn’t have anyone.
I still feel like a duche for that one
Post # 5
@NickiBee: a few years ago, our friends were engaged and then another friend got engaged to someone he had only dated for 6 months, and they turned SO’s birthday party into their announcement party… that was when i found out that he was planning to propose after the set of friends got married, but now this new engagement meant there were two weddings being planned at the same time and he wanted to wait until the other couple got married. it’s been almost a year and a half after that couple got married.
i had a huge meltdown several months ago and then he said that he wanted to get married after his sister got married, and she’s been with her boyfriend for 8 years… While i feel like she’s been waiting longer than me and it’s only fair…. They’re not engaged, there’s no talk of engagement, other than her demanding she wants a $20,000 ring, and the time when all this hype about him proposing to her has passed.
His says he wants to get married “when we are 25.” Well I’m going to be 25 in three months, and it takes a long time to plan a wedding.
I set a walking date, which I havent told him about, but I did tell him I didn’t have much more patience for this. We own a house together, we have a dog, we have enough money to afford a ring, whether it be the diamond he thinks i want or the moissanite i keep telling him i want, he talks about kids all the time anbe everyone already confuses us with a married couple, so what’s the hold up?
This week we were drinking with some of my classmates after finals(I started going back to school hoping he would realize that I’m moving on with my life and he damn well better catch up) and when they found out that we’d been together for 5 years one said “Wow, and you’re not married? Do you oven love each other?”
i couldn’t figure out whether I wanted to rip my classmate’s face off or my SO’s.
i just know that this new engagement is going to be his next excuse for why he doesn’t want to propose. And I’m tired of putting my life on hold for him or anyone else. if he doesn’t want to get married then adjust tell me so I can be on my way!
Post # 6
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@Helloemi: It may not be your cup of tea, but you could propose to him! Does he say why he wants to wait until after his sister is married to do the same (especially since she’s not even close to being engaged)? Have you talked to him about not worrying about other people’s love lives going forward before your own? I would be frustrated too. Hugs!
Post # 7
No, I’m not proposing to him, i’ve thought about it, but all his life everyone has done everything for him. When we agreed to give each other promise rings for our third year dating anniversary, he procrastinated and told me he never went ring shopping, when I bought his months ago…. I shouldn’t have done it now, looking back, but there I was, at the jewellry store buying my own ring, which I gave to him…. To give to me… And then he reimbursed me for it….
But of course he LOVED the ring I spent weeks shopping for…
when he was in school, his sisters signed up for all his classes… When we bought our house, his parents did all of the paper work. I pay all the bills.
the only thing he has ever done for himself is book a week long trip to maui, last minute, trick his whole family, my whole family, and inadvertently, me, into thinking he was going to propose, and then acting surprised when I cried the entire plane ride home.
he needs to do something himself for once.
Post # 8
I’m sure there are many, many reasons why you love him and why he is awesome…but your last post disconcerts me. You pay all of the bills? He doesn’t help (if he’s working)?
He didn’t buy the promise ring at all?
Post # 9
@sealevels: he pays the mortgage, I pay a portion and then everything else… Also, he reimbursed me for the ring…
i know I’m being irrationally angry right now but I can’t help myself… normally I go to the mall and window shop the steam off but the mall by my house is closed today.
Post # 10
so what did your SO say in that conversation with the friend? or did you respond.
just from an outside view it seems like he has it easy in this relationship, and you’ve enabled him a bit.
it seems like your SO is putting up roadblocks to stall for time, really. waiting for his sister to be engaged? when theres no indication she will be? he sounds comfortable, he has you, the house, dog. no intiative to ask soon.
def stick to your walking date.
Post # 12
@NickiBee: I agree, he seems to be stalling in a major way
@Hyperventilate: I’m not sure that this really applies here. 5 years isn’t exactly “racing” to the altar.
Post # 13
@MissTexasFire: No, but going, “Everyone else but me…” “We’re the last…” is.
Post # 14
I’m sorry everyone, I feel like I’ve made SO look really bad. He’s a really good guy, and the money thing is not an issue… He makes a significant amount of money… What I was trying to get at is that he doesn’t like licking stamps or filling out forms…
i’m also in no means trying to be in a race, but it certainly feels like it when someone else around me gets engaged and they turn into the new reason why he’s dragging his feet. It’s getting beyond ridiculous.
as for the classmate’s comment… We kind of just looked at him and laughed awkwardly, I mean, what the heck do you say to a comment like that without getting really defensive?
Post # 15
@Helloemi: I realize that he reimbursed you, but what disconcerted me was the fact that he had months to shop for a promise ring and never did. You had to go and buy it and he had to reimburse you. All it takes to ring shop is a long afternoon and some thought. You know?
It does seem that he’s had it easy. He’s used to getting what he wants – he has it right now, in fact. He doesn’t see you leaving and he doesn’t have to budge, so why even propose? Talks needs to be had a the walk date seems apt right now.
I know it sounds harsh, but I do know how you feel. I know all of those awkward “when are you gonna get married, gais?” and “you’ve been together for what seems like forever…” Yeah, well. Shove it.
Post # 16
@sealevels: yeah…. Life has been easy for him, I think my gf and i(the one that just got engaged) have a pretty sturdy plan… her Fiance is a lot like my SO in many ways and she ended up dropping some not-so-subtle hints, and I think that she and I are in cohoots to do the same thing with him.