- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
So last night sucked. I promise i’ll try to keep this rant as short as i can 😉
The SO and i rented a movie.. Of all the movies in the world i never thought that “man on a ledge” would somehow bum me out about waiting on an engagement! (the very end of the movie there was a proposal) Don;t worry! it’s not really a spoiler because it was so irrelevant to the movie!
So anyway when the movie eneded I said to SO “So i saw on facebook that Nate and Mary got engaged the other day..i’m surprised you haven’t metioned it yet!” (nate is one of his best friends)… now i can see how this would look like i was trying to stir things up, but i honestly didn’t think or want it to turn in to a conversation about us… but i honestly shouldn’t have brought it up.. i know that was pretty stupid of me.. but i also was just surprised that he didn’t mention it because he’s always telling me news of his friends.. like when one of them have a baby or other major life events… but i’m assuming he didn’t bring it up because now engagement is kind of a heated topic in OUR relationship.. and this makes me very sad..
so then SO says to me “because i just figured you would get upset because it was another person getting married before we do”… well that set me off a little bit.. i over reacted too, but i stated how by him saying that i feel like he thinks he’s just doing me a huge favor by proposing and its not for him as well and that i’m the only one who wants it… i don’t think that’s true, but i feel like that a lot through the whole waiting process.. all i can do is wait.. he’s the one who wants to be the one to pop the question so he’s the one who’s slacking.. then he said he probably thinks about it even more than i do..(which kinda made me laugh because if he only knew about the beehive! 😉 and i know he does think about it, but this friend Nate.. is the one i overheard him talking to about all the details of proposing and buying a ring.. Nate was his confidant.. and now Nate is engaged and i feel like this might just make SO procrastinate even more..
I told him too once again that the only reason i think about it so constantly is because he started talking about getting engaged and married and having children well over a year and a half ago… and i said to him that i feel like he always just finds little excuses to put it off.. Like once because of being really busy with work, and another time because my brother was in the hospital..(he was in the hospital 2 days before valentines day) i said to him “Well he was in the hospital suddenly and only for a week, i would think you would have had something planned out or purchased well before that then he said “it only takes like 2 days to do all of that”… i found it hard to believe he could buy a ring and talk to my dad that fast.. especially since when he was busy with work two days wasnt enough…
i also know that at this point i look like i’m begging.. and i hate that..
I just feel like “what are you waiting for!!????!!!! I’m sure you bees know that feeling as well!
OK sorry! i’m really rambling right now and probably making no sence… i’m at work so my attention span isn’t really 100% here… Thank you for bearing with me.. if you have
but anyway.. i wish i didn’t even mention nate and mary.. because once again it just turned into another conversation about us and i know that each time we have one of these talks its just ruining the surprise of it all when it does finally happen.. so it sucks… but it is really, really hard for me to not bring it up somehow lately :(… especially with everyone we know around us getting married and engaged…
I do know its going to happen, it might not be this summer or even this year (i hope its sometime this year!)
SO is going to be working out of the state this whole summer during the week..(i’ll see him most weekends) Maybe this is a good thing… maybe the distance will help me calm down a bit and focus more on myself.. and the E word will probably come up a lot less since we will only be living together 2 days a week.. i hope! haha..
well Thank you again for letting me rant and ramble on ladies!