(Closed) Bad "waiting" Night last night (vent)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m sorry! I know it’s really frustrating! I have been about to explode about every day this week with WHEN IS IT GOING TO HAPPENNNNNNNNNNN!?! Somehow (by being on weddingbee WAYYYY too much) I have kept it under control, but sometimes things happen that make it so, so difficult. I hope it happens for you soon–its good that he says he has been thinking about it, but the “two days” makes me laugh–eh, silly men and their distorted timelines. OR he could be throwing you off? I don’t know. Good luck though!

Post # 4
183 posts
Blushing bee

I remember my waiting period. It was very similar to this! I felt like I was the only one who wanted it and he just didn’t care. But in the end, always remember that it’ll be worth the wait once it happens! I know it is SO hard, but be patient!

Post # 5
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Been there–I hated how every commercial, movie, etc reminded me that we WEREN’T engaged! And then when people we were close to got engaged, too–that was tough. Even tougher because you are happy for them but so sad that it’s not you. We used to argue a lot because of this but I promise you it will get better, especially once plans are in motion and even more so once he actually does it. I’ll cross my fingers that it happens soon for you!!

Post # 6
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think last night was just a crappy night for some of us! This waiting period can be so frustrating especially when it feels like they keep putting it off for various reasons. I think the distance this summer will really help with both the waiting and just your relationship in general. He’ll miss you more than you know and then maybe it’ll get his butt in gear enough to propose. It sucks feeling like you are the only one in the relationship that wants it. I think guys are much better at hiding their emotions, especially about proposals than us women are. 

I hope today is a better day for both of us. At least it’s Friday, right?

Post # 8
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I know exactly how you feel. SO FRUSTRATING! And some people say “Why don’t you just propose?”. But I’m too traditional for that and he HATES the idea of it. So we’re just stuck waiting, very very impatiently some days. The you have the times where its every little thing reminding you that you’re not engaged or happily married to the love of your life just feels like a little punch in the gut. Boooo.

Thank goodness the Hive is here. We can all bitch and moan together and other girls know exactly how we feel! Hang in there, hun. (Easier said than done, I KNOW!)

Post # 9
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Can you have a serious talk with him about a realistic timeframe? If he can guarantee it’ll happen before _____ date, then YOU’LL be SO much calmer (tell him that, too!) and more excited than you are anxious, disappointed, and resentful. Then – if it doesn’t happen in that time period, you seriously reconsider if you’re willing to wait longer and under what circumstances.

A year and a half of marriage talk would’ve been WAY too long for me – I would’ve been out of there, especially being with someone who couldn’t have an honest, clear conversation about marriage and engagement.

Post # 11
335 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you should feel at all like you shouldn’t have brought up Nate and Mary! HE was the one that brought you guys into it and made it an uncomfortable conversation… personally I would have been insulted by his comment, and the implication that when good things happen to my friends I’m jealous instead of happy for them.

Post # 13
94 posts
Worker bee

@killerQueen13:  “because i just figured you would get upset because it was another person getting married before we do”…

Umm, if he doesn’t want to upset you about waiting (and knows he wants to marry you, since he’s “thinking about it all the time”), then he should just ask you already! And thinking he can pick out a ring, purchase it, ask your fathers permission and plan a proposal in two days? Absurd. Men are so dense sometimes. Mine is the exact same way – he won’t think more than a week in advance.

You had every right to be pissed. Here’s to hoping he finally gets his head on straight and realizes that eventually he’ll have to take action. Proposals and weddings don’t just magically happen. I’m rooting for you!

Post # 15
338 posts
Helper bee

@killerQueen13:  I can sympathize with what you said about being good about not talking about engagements for a while and then having friends get engaged causing issues.  I found out one of my best childhood friends just got engaged to her boyfriend of 10.5 months last week, while I’ve been with my Boyfriend or Best Friend for 4 years.   She was the first person my age I know to get engaged, so I didn’t take it so well… I went from being super good about not talking about getting engaged to crying to my SO for ages about it.

My SO also wants the engagement to be a complete surprise, which is frustrating at times.  I’ve tried to explain to him that if he would give me a general time frame, it might help me from getting disappointed when it doesn’t happen before.  For now, I’m trying to focus on convincing myself it will be later (1.5-2 years from now) BUT I still can’t help from hoping it will happen much sooner (even though some of these hopes are totally irrational!).

Post # 16
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Girl, this sounds allll too familiar. Before my Fiance proposed we were going through a tough time. We both knew we were perfect for each other for 3.5 years before this. But he went through a questioning phase for sure. [A little backstory. When we met we were going to two different colleges – we would only see each other on weekends. Then he got into grad school at the same college I was at. So we lived apart for 2 years, together for 1 a year. Well, Last summer I got a job 80 miles away (which I’m still beating myself up about). So we’re apart again.]

So at the end of last year he was picking fights – telling me I was selfish etc. There was one particular night (we were in two different cities) we got in a really heated argument. He was saying I wasn’t making an effort in the relationship anymore and he felt like I just wanted the world to revolve around me. While part of this was true, he was definitely distancing himself. It was strange and very unlike him. So finally he was like ‘it’s over’ well, I got in the car crying and drove the 80 miles to his place without telling him. I didn’t know what would happen when I got there and was really nervous. He opened the door and smiled, started crying and hugged me. Basically I told him I wasn’t going to let him just give up on me like that.

Well, we went to a therapist and talked about some things. It was great because we both had realizations. We started working on things and it was tough but it all paid off. A few months later he had an epiphany and was like I don’t want to ever be with out you. I said ‘So marry me…’ His excuse was he didn’t have money for a ring. I was like I don’t care about the ring blah blah blah… my mom had a ring he could use.

Long story (slighly) short – we’re engaged now.

My point – try not to fret about the tough times – just focus on getting through it and solving issues and picking your battles. It’ll pay off.

It’s funny because one of my bridesmaids who is getting married in 2 weeks told me that pretty much the same thing happened to her. Her Fi started distancing himself. It’s almost like a test to see if she’d stick around.

Also – I used to mention engaged couples all the time – out of pure jealousy. I think that’s what really set him off on the doubting… but I think its good to question the relationship a little before you get engaged.

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