- 5 years ago
I’m going through another cycle of depression, something that happens with more regularity these days. I feel like the more years I waste on my SO, the more depressed I get – I compromised on my life plans so they matched with his, and the fact that I broke my ‘don’t stick in a limbo relationship’ has been the most depressing for me. I did this all because I love him, and he has appologised for the wait – but I feel like there is no compromise on his end! He takes no initiative, no action, and most of all can’t give me answers to questions I desperately need answered.
I want to know once and for all if we’ll get engaged within the year, and ‘soon’ is no longer a good enough answer.
I feel like I am preparing myself to walk away, and I half feel like he is distancing himself from me too. He spends a lot of time in his MMO, and I can’t talk with him about things anymore as he doesn’t listen to anything I say – instead all I get is that I’m making him feel bad – but yet he wants me to be open and honest with him? What’s the point of wanting to comunicate, and shut your SO out the moment they are not happy about something? He doesn’t even seem to want to hang out with me anymore, stating he doesn’t want to waste time watching TV … how is that any different to wasting time on his game?
In a few days I know all this will pass, and I’ll go back to a calmer state where I can ‘survive’ in my state of limbo and understand that the situation can’t be helped … but deep inside there is a part of me that still wants answers, and at 28 years of age I feel like that this year is the year where I need to make a choice for my own well being, because I will never forgive myself for waiting too long.
I need hugs …