(Closed) Bad waiting week.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry! Cry  Urgh, how frustrating.  

 

You guys have been together a long time!  Have you guys talked about timelines?  May I ask how old you guys are?  For the amount of time you’ve been together, he should at the very least be able to give you a definitive timeline.  Marriage is important to you, and he should be able to at least let you know what to expect from him.  

Post # 4
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

That’s frustrating. Sorry you’re having a rough time.

This might seem like a silly question, but I noticed that you said he’s never straight up told you why he’s waited this long. But have you straight up asked? I don’t mean asked questions about it. I mean asking that question specifically – why have you waited so long? It might open doors to what the ideal time for him is, concerns he may have that are causing him to put it off.

If you have I’d love to hear what he’s told you.

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sorry your having a bad waiting week, waiting really does have the good weeks and the bad ones, I’m sure he’s acting like nothings happened to throw you off 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

When he says that it’s gonna happen before next October do you not believe him? Is there a reason you think it’s just lip service?

Post # 11
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry you’ve had a bad waiting week. I had a really bad day with it yesterday. Hugs to you!

Post # 12
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think I have any advice unfortunately, but I have to say that’s such a typical guy move that when you try to bring up a relationship issue, they get defensive and think you’re trying to start a fight. Annoying.

Anyway, hoping things get a little better for you.

Post # 13
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@MissPatience: My guy is a procrastinator. And not just a procrastinator – if it isn’t sitting on his desk in front of his face he forgets it exists. This is something good to talk about if you haven’t. It worried me too. I was concerned that he was saying that he could see us getting married in x amount of time but he would forget we talked about it and x amount of time would come around and nothing would have happened. So I told him. I told him it makes me nervous cause I’m not the type of person to talk about it constantly and that I was concerned that he would forget it’s something we’re pursuing. I’m so glad I said something because he told me I don’t have to worry about him forgetting because I am his reminder. Made me feel really good and I stopped worrying for a really long time.

Maybe you should tell him “I know that you know this is important to me. And I know you said you see it happening next year. But I worry sometimes that you’ll forget we talked about it and next thing I know you’ll be buying a new (insert item or project that’s the cost of your ring), won’t make any plans, the time will come and go and we won’t be any closer. And it freaks me out a little. I feel like I’m in a limbo.” Or whatever you want it do be. There’s nothing wrong with telling him you’re just worried.

Or have you already done this as well? 🙂

Post # 14
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It sounds like he has been incredibly selfish. He doesn’t seem to be listening to you nor does he seem to care how much the fact that you are still not engaged hurts you. If he claims to have no money, but then goes out and buys himself a lot of fun “toys,” you have to see that he is only really thinking of himself. I think it’s unfair for you to be in a relationship where he calls all the shots and you sit waiting quietly until he decides the time is right. I think this should be a two way conversation. If you can’t see eye-to-eye maybe it’s time to reevaluate the direction of the relationship. Personally, I would be incredibly hurt to know my boyfriend would put me through this rollercoaster of emotions. 

You should be more important than his next gun project. If not, I think he owes you an explanation. 

Post # 16
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MissPatience: I’m sorry to hear you’re having a bad week. For some reason I feel as though many men in our generation (20-somethings) are so terrified of that final commitment that it’s almost linked to their DNA. I honestly believe that. I have so many friends who are going through similar issues with their SOs, as well as guy friends that are suffering this extreme fear of becoming the ol’ ball and chain. 

My boyfriend is 28 and I’m 26 and I go through similar phases where I’m fine and then a horrible, miserable wreck for a couple days. It’s hard, especially when bringing up the situation sometimes only makes it worse. My boyfriend gets on the defensive when he is confronted with feelings that he’s uncomfortable with. As a former Marine, he’s far more in touch with his logical side than his emotional side. He tends to hide his feelings when possible, but luckily I’m the one person he doesn’t feel the need to hide his feelings from. Well, all his feelings except the ones involving engagement. Ive known for about 2 years now that he wants to marry me. It was a little over 2 years ago that he asked my father and family permission to marry me. Now, however, I’m worried that he knows how badly I want it and is possibly nervous that it’s come upon him so quickly. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and I’m going crazy inside. I’m at a point where I don’t know how to bring up the inevitable conversation that I know is coming because I will either sound angry and pressuring, which I don’t want to do, or I’ll cry through the whole thing, which I also don’t want to do. 

I can’t imagine using an ultimatum, only because I know I’d never follow through. He is my everything, and I’m already in this until death do us part, ring or no ring. But I know that is an option some people will give you. It’s just a matter of whether you are willing to wait for the man you love, and knowing the wait may be far longer than you’d like. Some aren’t willing to waste their time waiting, but if you love him unconditionally and cannot imagine your life without him you might have to accept the fact that he might not be ready for a while. Back to that whole DNA thing.

Youre not alone. If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me. I’m in bed right now next to him with our dogs and cat snuggled up with us and I just want to smack him in the head to wake him up and say WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! I’m not getting any younger!!!  😉

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