Bad/estranged relationship with parents–still invite to my wedding? Y/no & why?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

I’m sorry you got stuck with awful parents. I really believe you should not invite them to your wedding, and you should actually cut all ties with them. All they ever did, and all they will ever do, is abuse you. You will have a much happier, peaceful life without them. Make your own loving family. ♥

I’ve read your update. It’s understandable to have mixed feelings about having a wedding now, with his family but not yours. Here’s the thing: you’re grieving. You’ve been trying to believe all these years that you have real parents, the kind who love you and support you. You’ve now realized the truth, which is they aren’t capable of being real parents. It’s a loss and you’re feeling it and that’s ok. I’m glad you are thinking about therapy to help you recover from what they’ve done to you. Perhaps if you are able to come to terms with that and heal, you will be able to move foward with having and enjoying a wedding with just his parents.  If not, you can elope as you mentioned. Best of luck.

Post # 17
394 posts
Helper bee

Your feelings are genunine.  I am sorry. No matter what the view of your family or their side you have obviously gone through a lot.  You deserve happiness.  Therapy and a good supportive husband to be is a good start.  Please don’t let your family’s treatment and views effect you; move on and forward to be the best you.  You are lucky to have a wonderful fiance and fiance family.


I will say one thing sometimes the unhappiness or people hurting us  has nothing to do with us but rather jealousy of our family/friends who have been hurt and it ishard forthe to see you so happy or successful. 


I think sometimes I am not a very nice person and it is not an excuse but I realize I am jealus because when I was in junior and senior high I used to get picked on all the time – I was urinated on and forced to eat feces  and constantly made fun of.  I chose to get my wedding planning eertificate and learn how to do flowers, jewelry and cakes etc so i could try to make people happy because I had a very unhappy life but I admit I still struggle.  That’s the reason why I deep down hope someone will think I am good enough to be in their wedding party and why I always say it is in the bride and groom’s discretion to do what they want but they might want to consider the consequences.   

It may be hard to understand your family but trust me it is not your fault.  You just need to find a way that you can continue on.  I think the support of a therapist, a loving finace and loving new family is a great start.  Be good to yourself and I hope when you are ready to get married your day will be wonderful and special.


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