Badly explain your job!

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 121
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

pinky9876 :  this made me laugh.

Hmm, let’s see. Let’s pretend people have cars. They come to me and tell me their car sucks/is broken/someone crashed into it/doesn’t drive as well as someone else’s car. So I take a good look, tinker around and ask (most) people if they know they’re driving a Lamborghini/Ferrari/Lotus/Aston Martin. They’re always surprised. I must be wrong. If they’re driving a Ferrari why can’t they ‘go’ anywhere? So I tell them the truth. Umm cuz you drove your car into a ditch/huge pothole/ravine. Let’s get your car outta there. I give them quasi helpful, sometimes cryptic suggestions about what they could do. We go over all the options about what they could do, and what could (not) happen if they (don’t) do A, B or C. We talk a lot about why they automatically assumed their cars were defective or something was intrinsically wrong with them instead of realizing they’re merely stuck in a ditch. We walk around the car and look at it and they tell me HOW they see what they see and the story behind that as well. We also talk a lot about how painful it is/was to get stuck in a ditch and not be able to ‘go’ anywhere or ‘do the things they’d like to do in their cars.

When everything goes well, people realize that they’ve *gasp* fallen into a pothole! And can get themselves out! And then if the stars are properly aligned, lightning strikes just so AND we harness enough dark matter from their dreams, people rediscover the joys of riding their cars. They come back and elatedly tell me how awesome their car is, how smooth the ride, great the torque, incredible sound system! And they go their merry way.

Usually I scratch my head a bit and think to myself, well yeah, driving a Ferrari IS pretty damn awesome but it was about time you [they] realized it! 

@slomotion: right on. And I knew it! 😉

Post # 122
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I argue to keep dangerous criminals on the street.

(I’m a criminal defense attorney).

Post # 123
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I examine lines and circles on papers that have been transferred to my computer screen. I place monetary value on said lines and circles by using a forever crashing computer program and talking to people who offer products in exchange for currency. I then offer the monetary value of those lines and circles to men and women in hopes of manufacturing the lines and circles into wooden boxes and work surfaces for places such as schools, hospitals and seniors living units.

(I’m an estimator for a millwork company)

Post # 124
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I help people evade their taxes!

(self-explanatory but I promise that I’m ethical!)

Post # 125
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I stop mad science from happening at a university.

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