Post # 1
Been on here awhile, went anon for this post.
To begin, my BIL & his wife have a 2 1/2 year old little girl… BIL’s wife is pregnant with baby #2 (due in Feb.) and they just found out it was another girl. Apparently the debate between them has already started for baby #3 because they want a boy… BIL’s wife put this “joke” about baby#3 on facebook so she is NOT hiding it. Also, my BIL told my DH that “come hell or high water we will try until we have a boy”.
Uh… is it just me or shouldnt you be grateful for the kids you have? Know your limit? What if baby #3 is ANOTHER girl? When will the quest for a baby boy end?
I guess I know of so many people who aren’t able to have kids for different types of reasons- and here are my inlaws who don’t have to try or go through the heartache of ttc, complaining that baby #2 isn’t a boy? Does anyone else think this is selfish?
Anyone have stories similar?
Post # 2
coffeeismypoison: I think you are making this into a big deal unnecessarily. I am sure they are happy for the children they have. That doesn’t mean that Dad can’t still hope for a boy.
My Dad really wanted a boy. He used to joke that the only reason they stopped having kids was that they were getting periously close to an all girls baseball team.
Post # 3
coffeeismypoison: a Principal at my former firm has 6 yup 6! Girls!!! and he keeps convinving his wife to try again for a boy! He needs to throw in the towel boys just arnt in his cards. My FI and I have an agreement of 2 but if we have 2 boys or 2 girls we will try for one more and were done 3 absolute max.
Post # 4
What I’m about to say wasn’t put on Facebook,it was a private joke, but after we get married and we try from #2 my fiancee told me that if it’s another girl, it’s going back till it turns into a boy, ha ha. But he is a terrific Dad and I know he would be happy with another girl. As I said though, it wasn’t put on Facebook, it was between me and him (until now I guess, lol).
I can’t imagine being pregnant and already planning the next one to get it right next time. It feels like that doesn’t it, they want to get it right next time?
They should be grateful, my sister had four boys until she had a girl. She always wanted a girl but certainly was never disappointed when she found out another boy was on the way, nor did she try until she got a girl.
Post # 5
coffeeismypoison: What? You’ve never heard of sexism?
Post # 6
coffeeismypoison: I will be honest, when I started thinking about having kids myself, I only wanted a boy. DH always used to tell me that I should just be happy with whatever I get. Then through therapy I discoverd the reason I only wanted a boy was because I had such a terrible relationship with my mother growing up that I didn’t want a girl in fear of history repeating itself. Then I realized that I would want my child-boy or girl to have what I didn’t – a mother’s love. I was close with my dad, but he died when I was young. And now, all I want is a girl, I want to have the special mother-daughter bond/relationship that I wanted as a little girl-teen-woman. I have it now with my MIL but its not the same bc she’s my MIL not my mom.
But for your BIL’s situation, yea its a bit selfish/ungrateful. I had issues I was dealing with Lol but they have a healthy baby. I kinda worry that if they do have a boy that the girls will be pushed to the side because they wanted a boy so bad that they will put him on a pedestal.
Post # 7
It’s definitely a stigma that needs to stop, and it’s a ridiculous statement to make (does “hell or high water” include prenatal problems, money issues, etc etc?). I really hate the pressure out there to have a boy. FI and I both agree we would be grateful for whatever we end up with – a healthy babe is worth so much more than the sex of the child!
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Why is that selfish? Of course he won’t love baby #2 any less because she is a girl, but yes there are families that do still want one of each. I know I was disapointed at first when baby #2 was going to be another boy but that did not change how I felt about him. Of course I still wanted a girl after 2 boys. My cousin has 4 boys and still wanted a girl and is FINALLY pregnant with a girl for baby #5.
I don’t see the issue here. They are married, I don’t think he is complaining per se but yet stating he still wants more and trying to get both sexes.
Post # 9
It may come off as being ungrateful about baby #2, but I’ll bet you they’re pretty excited about this one. It’s likely just joking and you’re taking it the wrong way. I dont think it’s up to us to decide why a couple stops reproducing, their reasoning is their business and “other people cant have children, so we should be respectful and stop at 2” is a little ubsurd. They’ll have as many kids as they’re comfortable with, its not like theyre going to give all the girls up for adoption and keep having babies until they have a boy – theyre going to look after them and love them like crazy. They probably just think they’re being funny.
Post # 10
MrsTtoB: I am friends with families that absolutely 100% do not love their daughters as much as their prized son here in America, and there are cultures that do put more worth on a male child than a female one (one of the main reasons for female infanticide). Unfortunately it’s not a definite that parents love their children the same.
Not saying this family is like that, but whenever I hear of people even joking like it, it reminds me of how the daughters (who I am friends with) feel about it, and it makes me kinda do a double-take.
Post # 11
coffeeismypoison: this is your business…how? i think they’re just joking, and it’s really up to them how many kids they want/do have. i don’t think they’re ungrateful for their daughters just because they’re jokingly going to keep going until they have a boy. i love my tiny apartment and i’m very grateful that i have a place to live but i will keep doing what i need to do until i have a house. bad analogy but…my house, her babies, not your business. let it go and enjoy your nieces.
Post # 12
I have heard this comment a number of times. Maybe in some cases their is some underlining sexism. I think in a lot of cases though its that the parent wants somesort of bond they think they will get better out of a child of the same sex as them, either male or female. I won’t lie, I think I would be disappointed if we had two boys, and I think DH would be disappointed if we had two girls, but we have decided that 2 is our limit no mater what. Its not that they don’t love the children they have.
Post # 13
Atalanta: Ha this made me laugh: my BIL is very old world, ie womans work and mens work. So it is no surprise that he wants a boy to “carry on the family name”
sandy85: Exactly my thoughts; what is so wrong about a little girl, when it comes to babies you have a 50/50 chance! There is no right and wrong- can’t you at least have kid #2 before you start praying baby #3 is a boy? it just seems ungrateful to me.
julies1949: I am sure I am turning this into something bigger- but the fact that since BIL found out the sex of baby #2 a week ago he’s been nothing but an ass to everyone. They (BIL & wife) fight everyday in the office about parenting and babies. (by the way we all work together in a family owned business so I can’t exactly avoid him) I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hoping for a certain gender, but how you react to it that affects everyone around you is inexcusable. To me he seems disappointed and is taking it out on everyone… I know they will love those kids unconditionally, but no need to be pouty about it…
Post # 14
Im not so much upset by the fact of trying again for a boy as long as they are ok with three girls…………….what upsets me is the little amount attention and appreciation and love and respect this new baby girl is currentlly getting let alone when she is born … I do not know these people so I am not saying this is that will be how it will be i just its hope its not the case
Post # 15
MrsHalpert: see above reply