(Closed) Baffled & Hurt By Friend Suddenly Deciding Not to Attend for VERY Weird Reason

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9521 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

You want people to attend that support you and will support your marriage. If she can’t do that then her presence probably will not be missed no matter what the reasons are. 

Post # 3
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Only she truly knows but my initial thought is that she is pissed off she got you wedding gifts already and is now only getting punch and cake instead of dinner.  Also, Maybe they don’t want to socialize with everyone at an informal get together of so many people they don’t know. Wedding dinners can be awkard too but you have dinner and speeches to interrupt any silence or awkwardness.Only two things I can’t think of.  Neither which i think are necessarily legitimate or what a true friend should think. 

Post # 4
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
kittychik:  This makes no sense. The only guess I can venture to make is that maybe you vented/shared too much with her and she’s just flat out sick of you? That’s really harsh, though, and I can’t imagine why someone would do that. I mean- I’ve been the slave to many a crazy bride and I never decided to not attend, so I can’t imagine choosing not to attend just after hearing about some changes. Does she have like a major anxiety disorder or something? 

I honestly wouldn’t try to get more information out of her. I know it really really sucks… but she’s giving you that bizarre excuse for a reason. If she’s already being super weird about slightly-stressful conversations I doubt asking her an obviously uncomfortable question is going to go well. 

I’m so sorry. This is really weird and it really sucks. 

Post # 5
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

That would pretty much be the end of the friendship for me. That is a lousy excusE and without know the real reason I wouldn’t be able to talk to them without wonder what happened.

Post # 7
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
kittychik:  then my guess is the reception itself is making her nervous. Not the selfish gift suggestion

Post # 8
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Maybe just try to have a DnM with her. Be all ‘hey we are really close and I love you like a sister but you not coming to the wedding came sort of out of no where. Are you sure there’s no other reasons you can’t come? I’d hate to think I’ve done some to hurt you”  

Post # 10
Member
29 posts
Newbee

Her excuse made me LOL…your neighbor friend is declining the invite because all your wedding planning talk stressed her the eff out!

Enjoy your big day.  Its coming up soon!

When all your wedding pics come in just invite them over to gush about the wedding they missed. Life is too short to break up a friendship over this. They sound like they were have been supportive friends, otherwise.

Post # 11
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Maybe ask how she’d feel about attending the ceremony as it would mean a lot to you for them to be there?  Although you don’t know how she’ll respond  that and she could suggest that herself.  It IS odd.

Post # 12
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
kittychik:  That is so weird. I’d say maybe being so close she was hurt you didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, but I feel like that would have come up much earlier. So maybe like others have said, she’s got social anxiety issues or something and isn’t comfortable with the more casual/mingle kind of situation. I don’t know. It’s very weird. I guess if it was me and one of my closest friends I’d say that I don’t want to pressure her or anything, but I’d love her to be at my wedding and was wondering if there was anything I could do to make her more comfortable. 

Post # 14
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

My guess (based on limited information) would be she has an anxiety disorder that you haven’t fully grasped the extent of. If it is so bad that it’s making her avoid the wedding of one of her best friends it is probably pretty bad. I can see why this is hurtful but I don’t think it’s about you, and making it affect your friendship won’t serve any of you. She was there for you when you were unwell; maybe you need to focus more on supporting her with her mental health. A week before your wedding is not the time to get into this though. Emotions will be too high. I would focus on you and your partner. He is the one you’re marrying, not her. Then, when the wedding is in the past, maybe you can be a bit more present for this friend who seems like she could really use your help rather than your anger. I would read up on anxiety disorders too (again, after your wedding) so you know how to help her. Enjoy your wedding and good luck with supporting your friend. It won’t be easy, but it will be easier for you than it is for her

Post # 15
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
kittychik:  posted while you were posting! Not necessarily OCD, but something anxiety related

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