(Closed) Baffled & Hurt By Friend Suddenly Deciding Not to Attend for VERY Weird Reason

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Her one comment about wondering if th will even be a wedding concerns me. Are you and your Fiance fighting more than usual due to the planning? Based in that comment it sounds like she’s concerned about the actual end result.

A 3 month planing session may not leave you as stressed, but it’s definitely left her. I couldn’t imagine planning in 3 months. Just reading it stressed me out, lol.

If there’s no validity in my first point, my guess is this is more about her personally than you. Allow her time to step back from this. If you take some pressure off she may come around. Also, a good conversation is needed.

Post # 33
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
kittychik:  your update makes a lot of sense then. I would try not to take it personally and continue the friendship as normal. I think that this is a situation where you could tell her that you value her friendship and don’t want things to change but you understand that if something is bothering her and that you wish she would be honest with you about what that is so you can be supportive.

Post # 34
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
kittychik:  Your reply does make a lot of sense and you really might not know how bad her condition is – very often people with crippling anxiety disorders come across very calm and sensible on the outside because they become extremely good at hiding it and staying within their comfort zone. I used to suffer from bad anxiety and nobody I ever told would ever have guessed… and I didn’t tell that many people because I was ashamed of it. Even today, I’m quite highly strung and most people think I’m incredibly laid back and that I have my head screwed on tight. 

I would gently talk to her in a reassuring way and see what you can do to make it easier for her to consider attending at least part of the wedding. 

Post # 35
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

On the bright side, she was honest with you instead of saying she had to wash her hair or something. 

I think you should sit down over coffee with her and say something like “I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m very sad about your decision to not attend our wedding. We understand if you still choose not to come, but please reconsider because we would love to have you both there.”  

 

Post # 36
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’d stop jumping to conclusions and trying to diagnose her. It could be something toooootally different. Maybe something came up for that day and (as shitty as it is) they’d prefer to do that and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Maybe she really IS worried the wedding won’t happen (which makes no sense to me… why would she already say she won’t be a guest if she thinks the wedding won’t happen?).

The more you try to diagnose her with mental healt issues, the worse this situation will be. Just ask her to be straight up with you about what the issue is. Be open and understanding and let her know whatever her response is, will be accepted with an open mind.

Post # 37
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Is she upset she’s not in the wedding?

Post # 39
Member
2730 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yikes…… well, I’m glad you figured it out! Best of luck to her! (still don’t understand why she waited until 9 days before to tell you should wasn’t coming if she’s been dealing with this for a while though)

Post # 40
Member
3610 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
kittychik:  Oh jeez, what a sucky situation all around. It’s completely understandable that she didn’t want to tell you this and made up a weird excuse instead, but it’s also understandable why you’d be miffed by the excuse. Good thing she was finally able to confide in you.

I feel like this thread is a good reminder that it’s good to get the facts before writing off a friendship. OP, I don’t think you were in the wrong for being upset over the initial fake excuse and I know you weren’t planning to end the friendship over it, but meant it more generally (since there seem to be a lot of threads about giving up friendships because of a friend’s seemingly weird/standoffish behavior).

Post # 41
Hostess
4389 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I’m glad you were able to get to the bottom of it instead of just writing off years of friendship, you’re a good friend.  And now you know the truth, I think it will make your friendship deeper.  I’m glad you’ll be able to share your big day with her in photos somewhere she feels safe and comfortable. 

Post # 42
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Oh my gosh, that is so terrible! I’m totally sympathetic, as I have celiac disease and I worry about this happening if something I eat is cross contaminated.

its great you were able to talk to her and understand where she is coming from. 

I hope she gets some improvement soon. Also, has she been tested for crohns disease? The anxiety could be due to malnutrition. Mine went away with iron and b12 shots. 

The topic ‘Baffled & Hurt By Friend Suddenly Deciding Not to Attend for VERY Weird Reason’ is closed to new replies.

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