(Closed) Baffled newlywed planning a second wedding.

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You seem like the type that wants something small and intimate…what type of ceremony do YOU want?

Post # 5
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am presuming that the pastor and some of your immediate family have explained that you cannot actually have a wedding ceremony now, because you are already legally married, and that you must actually have a vow-renewal ceremony instead.  Is this the essence of what is happening? 

Post # 7
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I say do whatever you want. If you want to have another ceremony and not a vow renewal, go for it. Even if they do know. It’s more for you than anyone else. I don’t think people understand the rush to marry for military orders and are quick to judge. I’m sure whatever you decide will be lovely.

 

Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Hey MsMariposa,

I’m going to be in the same boat as you. Both My Husband and I are AD USAF and stationed overseas. We eloped in Vegas prior to my deployment so that we could secure join-spouse orders to wherever we go next. A year from now, when we PCS back to the states, we plan on having a small, fun, low-key, CHEAP (under 3k) vow-renewal and restaurant reception to formally introduce our families and enjoy ourselves for the weekend. So from my stand point, 4 months of legally being married is no big deal.

I was a little insecure about planning for a ceremony a whole YEAR after my actual marriage, but it’s really nothing to feel ashamed about! There are so many people in the military that do/have to do this. I have a coworker who had a church ceremony/reception/no scrimping, the whole she-bang  a year and a half after they were legally married and living together overseas. If having some sort of ceremony and involving your family is important to you I say f*ck what other people think and do what you want to do.

Good luck, and don’t feel bad about your situation at all! Some civillians are just ignorant to military-members special situations. Also, Grats!

Post # 9
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@MsMariposa:   So, if I understand what you’re saying, you and your DH would like to have a larger celebration, with more people, and more fanfare, than your pastor and family think is now “sensible” or “right,” because you are already married? Is that correct?

To what, specifically, are they objecting? Do they think you should not have any attendants or a large guest list? 

Did your family perhaps originally plan to help with the cost of your wedding, but, now that you’re married, are they instead telling you that they no longer think it is necessary or appropriate for you to have a big vow-renewal celebration in front of family and friends? Have they perhaps rescinded their offer to help pay?

Post # 11
Member
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MsMariposa:  People may be upset because you tried to keep your legal marriage a secret. Generally speaking, people are very understanding of having a “wedding” after the legal ceremony for military families if they know that is what’s happening. Otherwise, they may feel duped into contributing towards what some may consider to be a “sham wedding” (because you are already married). So if you haven’t already, I would profusely and sincerely apologize for not telling everyone immediately that you had gotten married.

A friend of mine tried to do this same thing (getting married without telling anyone and then having a big wedding months later). When her family found out, as they always do, more than half of them didn’t show up at the vow renewal because they were so angry at her for keeping them in the dark. Years later, she is only just starting to win them all back. So definitely start there! Otherwise, have the ceremony you want, and enjoy every minute! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2012

 @MsMariposa:  

I have not decided if I want my Father to ‘walk me down the aisle’ either. I think I’m going to ask him if he would want to. Otherwise, I’m fine doing it myself. If your brother is okay with walking you down, I don’t see why you can not. It’d only be awkward if your participant was unwilling.

What music are you going down the aisle to? Personally, I was going to avoid using the standard ‘bride march’ music since I’m already married. But hey, it’s your day and you should do what you want to do 🙂

Good luck, and don’t let complainers spoil you day…don’t worry so much about what others think. As long as the people closest to you (you Mom, husband etc.) understand your situation who cares what some Great Aunt thinks?

Have fun!

Post # 15
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Hi!! Try searching the web for intimateweddings.com (i think thats the site).

I too am doing a 35-40ppl civil ceremony on December and then doing a religious one next year. My Fiance will be moving to another country this year, and I will follow up later on (reason for 2 weddings).

I have a few things already, like: 

Venue: Parent’s Home

Dress: 300usd 

Invitations: 114usd

Accesories: 75usd

My parents have offered to gift us the Food, Beverage and Honeymoon (which depending on FI’s schedule, we might do next year)

Photographer: Cousin who’s a professional photographer 🙂

 

I’m using Yellow and Gray colors, doing a Light Lunch (wedding’s at 11:30am), doing pineapple or lemon custard jars as favors (which I would do) 

 

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