(Closed) bahumbug.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
10452 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Two months is fine! I don’t get why people get so offended and consider tracking thank you cards an important hobby. It’s not a big deal! Nobody should get worked up over not getting one. There are wayyyyyyy more important things in life.

Post # 18
Member
4550 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So, yeah, you should get going on the thank you cards.  But am I the only one who thinks it was rude that your family is irritated that they haven’t gotten thank you cards yet?

Post # 19
Member
3290 posts
Sugar bee

@figgnewton:  I think 2 months is getting into the “you better get going” category.  Most experts say 3 months is the maximum.  So you are in crunch time. Hopefully over the holidays, you will have a chance to hammer them out. 

It really won’t take you that much time.  2-3 minutes a card max. 

Your family though, is also somewhat rude (rules for families are relaxed) for bringing it up.  Pointing out others faux pas’ is always impolite.

Post # 20
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I do believe that the etiquette is no more than 3 months, so you’re still in the clear.

People confuse the “one year” rule with how long people have to GIVE you a gift with the thank you note timeline. 

Definitely don’t wait a year to send a thank you note!

edit:  I didn’t send Thank You cards to people who didn’t bring gifts or cards.  Mainly because I thought at some point I would receive something, and by the time I realized it wasn’t happening…a thank you card a year later that says, “thanks for coming” sounds disingenuous.  

Post # 21
Member
3290 posts
Sugar bee

@figgnewton:  No you do not thank people (again) for their attendence.  You thank people for gifts, because they were not opened at the time of the giving, and you haven’t yet thanked the guests for their specific gift.  You have already thanked them for their attendence both verbally, during your interaction with the guests at the wedding, and with your hospitality at the wedding.

To send a thank you note for attending (when you’ve already thanked them at least twice) can be seen as fishing for a gift.

Post # 23
Member
3290 posts
Sugar bee

@Rubbs:  You do not delay thanking your guests so that you can give them a formal picture of yourself.  It can be seen as self-indulgent to think that guests desire a picture of you and your beloved, more then they want to be thanked for their gift.

Get the notes done.  If you really want to send a picture you could do so as a seperate mailing.

Post # 24
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Ignore the people telling you that they should be out already.  But do work on them ASAP and send them.

My husband’s parents called and told us that “several” people had called them wondering where their thank you notes were.  I was shocked because it was exactly 4 weeks after the wedding.  We had 110 guests, but about 160 cards to write for out-of-country people who send a small gift or check….so we were still working on them.

I got a little pissed, to be honest….especially because in my husband’s culture, they don’t even write thank you cards!, so I made him call back his parents and ask, exactly, what these “several” people said.  As it turns out, just two seperate aunties called to make sure we got their card/gift.  That’s all.  They didn’t ask where the thank you notes were, they just wanted to make sure we received it and it wasn’t stolen or something.

Sigh

 

Post # 25
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

they want like long 1 page letters to each.”


Who is they? Don’t let other people dictate how long your thank you notes must be! I’d have trouble getting started too if I thought I needed to write that much.   

Post # 26
Member
8470 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@andielovesj:  That’s not our plan. Our plan is to send them as pictures. Our guests were amazing and not a single soul has “asked for their thank you.” They know we greatly appreciated their presence. 

Post # 27
Member
11744 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@figgnewton:  It’s not the end of the world, but I’d get them out asap!  You only have 20! I did over 100 for my shower and got them out within 1 week.  They suck but banging out a few every day helps.  I’d wake up in the morning and do a few, do a few more while dinner was in the oven, then do a few more after dinner.  Also, enlist the help of your husband!  My Fiance didn’t even attend my showers and he offered to help with the thank you notes – I declined for the showers, but will definitely be using him for the wedding!  

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